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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  January 29,2012, 12:25pm
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I am just about to go OC with one of my matches. I asked her a few questions which I needed clarifications on, and of course I got some answers.

Particularly one answer was sort of addressed but it was more of a lecturing, high ended approach, as if I was being told by a teacher, instead of someone who would be excited to be meeting a match, and explaining her point of view and simply providing an answer.

All kind of alarm bells rang off in my mind right away. I do NOT like high ended approaches, and I am thinking, if this is how she approaches a simple question, is this an indication of her personality ?

Am I blowing it out of propotion ? I am very tempted to just close the match ...
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  January 29,2012, 12:34pm
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I think all or most of us have some beliefs that we're so confident in or that are so important to us that we write that way. You say she only gave a lecture-answer to one of your questions that would only be a dealbreaker for me if her answr were really incompatible with me, for example telling me I must always eat vegan in my home if we were ever to get married.

What *was* the question?
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  January 29,2012, 12:38pm
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I'm curious what the question was as well...Whenever I got to OC with a guy, we would only write a line or two about how our day is going, exchange phone numbers, and on our way to planning our first date!...

If you are still trying to grill someone and asking a bunch of questions, than you may be hearing 'frustration' on the other end of it instead of 'high ended'...

I mean...I was very choosy with whom I communicated and by the time we get to OC...we know more about each other through GC than most people ever know meeting in person and asking for a phone number...I leave the "getting to more about you" questions for our first date.

So, could you fill us in more about how many messages in OC you have exchanged with her and what you were writing? Did you ask for her phone number or give her yours and talk about planning a date?
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #4  January 29,2012, 12:38pm
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I overlook it when men do that. Sometimes it means they've been asked that question so often before they have a speech prepared. Meet her and see what she's really like.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  January 29,2012, 12:39pm
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If she had accepted the culture of the country she lives in as her own culture ....

And the answer was how this a blah blah blah country and there is no such blah blah culture and so on ......

I went in my mind, thank you very much, I know where I am living. All I needed to know was if you are living as one who was born here, or are you still living according to your old customs and habits. It is important for me that the culture is common ... Small differences which pop up here and there can be worked out, but, if everything is different, then it is a no go.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  January 29,2012, 12:42pm
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We did not go OC yet, you post skimmers, I mentioned it It was in the second set of questions, where you can type long answers, just before one goes OC.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #7  January 29,2012, 12:42pm
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Goomph wrote :
If she had accepted the culture of the country she lives in as her own culture ....
Yep. She's had to think about that one before. It's also probably used as an attack by people who disagree with something she's said. Meet her and see what she's really like.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #8  January 29,2012, 12:43pm
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Goomph wrote :
Am I blowing it out of propotion ? I am very tempted to just close the match ...

Depends, was her "lecture answer" along the lines that her opinion on the subject was the only "right" opinion?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  January 29,2012, 12:47pm
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It's hard to answer without a transcript, but I find that a lot of people give junk on the internet and are still able to function as people in real life.

You can always ask a followup question, for more detail, or a seemingly unrelated question which can potentially supply some insight (e.g., if the person is not a native of the US, you can pose a question or make a statement about the Super Bowl.)

In my case, I do not really have localized culture, and tend to end up with similar partners. I'd tend to see this woman as worth meeting, but need more detail.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  January 29,2012, 12:48pm
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She was basically implying by that answer that I shouldn't have asked that question by nature of living where we live.

Excuse me ... I am an immigrant, so are you, and if we do not have some sort of common culture the chances that we will go anywhere when we are meeting on an online environment is very low. Just my opinion ...... I am almost fully immersed in this culture and have tons of friends who were born here ... This is home ....

Maybe I am wrong, I donl't know ...
 
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