luciddreams is offline luciddreams Post #1  January 29,2012, 1:52am
luciddreams's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2012

Posts: 15

See profile

I contacted this girl on eHarmony, we went through the guided communication process and to my surprise she asks me out for a drink early in the communication (usually I do it after a few email communications).

We setup a first date which she cancels because it snowed heavily in our city (we live in Seattle and all hell breaks loose when it knows) - She apologizes for the cancellation and asks if we can reschedule. I, understandably, agree.

Now, she never replies back to reschedule for 4-5 days (long after the snow mayhem is over). So I take the initiative and ask her out again via text - she agrees and we meet for our first date.

First date goes well - we talk for 2 hours and I make her laugh and she seems interested in me (she asks a lot of questions, keeps the conversation going) and I find her attractive and smart. At the end of the date she says 'I had a great time, so if you want to meet again I'll look forward to it, if not, then its cool too', I reply 'I had a great time too and I look forward to see you again'. We part on a hug (she pull her face to one side and she opens up her arms, which I consider as a signal for not ready to kiss).

Then I wait for a day and a half and call and leave a voicemail saying that I had a great time and would love to meet her for dinner the week after.

Silence. No response.

More than a day goes by. I get a little confused. So I decide to text her one more time (before giving up) saying 'Hey, I left you a voicemail asking for dinner, I had a great time.. if you are interested I look forward to hearing back. Regardless, I enjoyed our chat'. She texts back immediately saying she hadnt checked her phone in a day and was sorry and she would definitely want to meet up again. We set up a date (which is next week)

So, maybe I'm over-thinking a bit - but I don't buy the whole 'I didn't check my calls for a whole day thing, if she read my text then she HAS to have seen my call'.

Also, after the first cancellation she never rescheduled so I had to follow up and reschedule.

I'm not really understanding the behaviour here - Do you think she's interested and she's just making me work harder? Or she is not really interested but seeing an opportunity for a free dinner? Or she genuinely did not check her messages/missed calls in over a day (hard to believe).

Looking for some advice.
 
  Reply With Quote
scully98 is offline scully98 Post #2  January 29,2012, 2:57am
scully98's Avatar

like a cowgirl!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 3,063

See profile

I'm assuming you made both the call and the text to her cell phone? Personally, I always check text messages before I check voice mail. I have an iPhone. Checking texts is easier. BUT I always know when I have a voice message. I might see a voice message and not listen if it's not someone I'm anxious to hear from (sorry, mom). Sometimes it takes me a day or two to respond to those voice messages.

So it sounds like she's interested enough to go out again, but not that into you. It's probably just that she's dating other people, too, as is common when you first meet someone online. Not a big deal.

If it were me, I'd go out again and have a nice date and not worry about the details.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  January 29,2012, 4:46am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,305

See profile

After one meet both people are usually dating others and may not get to every VM or text promptly....So true or not about checking the phone is not the issue.

From the exchange in this post it sounds like two very indifferent people playing phone tag / waiting to return communication games, both busy seeing others .

So..two people playing "cool" and "wait"?... just set up another mutually convenient meet and forget about how long you wait or she waits to call.....Good Luck..
luciddreams wrote :
I take the initiative and ask her out again via text - she agrees and we meet for our first date.
I had a great time, so if you want to meet again I'll look forward to it, if not, then its cool too'

Then I wait for a day and a half and call and leave a voicemail

More than a day goes by. I decide to text her one more time saying 'Hey, I left you a voicemail

Regardless, I enjoyed our chat'.
 
  Reply With Quote
Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  January 29,2012, 5:40am
Alli824's Avatar

thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2007

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1,262

See profile

She may not want to appear over anxious and would prefer you to take the lead. She is responding when you push a bit. Some people try to determine the level of interest before going on the next date. Not saying it's right or wrong just saying.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #5  January 29,2012, 6:58am
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,635

See profile

She gave you the answer on your first date - if you want to see her again, fine, but if you don't, that's fine, too. She had a pleasant enough evening, and you'll do as long as nothing better comes along, which is probably what she was waiting for when she waited to respond. As long as you are content with just having some fun dates and being a placeholder, then keep calling. If you want more, stop.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  January 29,2012, 7:05am
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,418

See profile

luciddreams wrote :
At the end of the date she says 'I had a great time, so if you want to meet again I'll look forward to it, if not, then its cool too'
I'm a little surprised that anyone who actually said that to you after a first date would be invited out on a second. It was impolite.
 
  Reply With Quote
EccentricAmbiguity is offline EccentricAmbiguity Post #7  January 29,2012, 7:12am
EccentricAmbi…'s Avatar

"In her Sunday shoes, with her Saturday feet...."

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2011

In the clouds.

Posts: 1,187

See profile

Dropdeadredtx wrote :
She gave you the answer on your first date - if you want to see her again, fine, but if you don't, that's fine, too. She had a pleasant enough evening, and you'll do as long as nothing better comes along, which is probably what she was waiting for when she waited to respond. As long as you are content with just having some fun dates and being a placeholder, then keep calling. If you want more, stop.
I agree with this. What it comes down to, what it always comes down to, is that if someone is into you they never wait a day or more to check your voicemail.
You aren't a turn off so she will hang out with you again, but like Dropdead says...you may just be a placeholder.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  January 29,2012, 7:49am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,679

See profile

I also agree with DropDeadRed.

She turned away from your Kiss! That adds up to "You don't turn me on." I don't think you will next week, either, if you didn't last week.

If she is actively and equitably sharing, then I might continue to see her. I can justify going out just to have a nice time, though. For me, I'd need to push her to choose to be a romantic partner, because I don't want to be without one, and I need to be clear on where I stand.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt on all the other topics you raised. I could easily miss a phone message if a junk call came after a real call, and I don't check my phone often (though I'd make more effort if I had reason to expect a partner to call.) The delay to reply I'd probably live with; what matters to me is that their is no free-loading off me while stringing me along - and equitable, mutual effort is sufficient proof of that.
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  January 29,2012, 7:59am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,424

See profile

Dropdeadredtx wrote :
She gave you the answer on your first date - if you want to see her again, fine, but if you don't, that's fine, too. She had a pleasant enough evening, and you'll do as long as nothing better comes along, which is probably what she was waiting for when she waited to respond. As long as you are content with just having some fun dates and being a placeholder, then keep calling. If you want more, stop.
Yep.
to the OP-
She's either not terribly excited about you, or she has had a string of guys that have not interested her and now she doesn't want to put her own feelings "out there" in case it's not mutual.
This whole business of waiting a day and a half also sends a message to her that she was your 2nd best option.

I would have called her the next day, but I'm probably a different generation than you and a woman knows what my intentions are pretty early...as I'm much too old to play games(no offense intended to you)
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  January 29,2012, 8:10am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,424

See profile

First date goes well - we talk for 2 hours and I make her laugh and she seems interested in me (she asks a lot of questions, keeps the conversation going) and I find her attractive and smart. At the end of the date she says 'I had a great time, so if you want to meet again I'll look forward to it, if not, then its cool too', I reply 'I had a great time too and I look forward to see you again'.

I dunno...
I think i would have said, "I had fun too! and I'd love to see you again...what day/night works best for you?"
This accomplishes two things:
a) it shows you are looking forward to the next time and it shows you are willing to plan for it, now.

b)It also, should it back fire(and gets a weak/lame response from her like" well, I don't know, I'll get back to you, I have your number") gets it out of the way early so you can move on to others who are interested in you, rather than hoping she interprets your intent correctly...as you are doing now.
Nome sain'?
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Would you date someone in AA? | Dating | Chemistry right away »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
What do you think about this decoding of mixed signals? my5cents Dating 5 March 20,2011 9:40pm
Sensitivity to Mixed Signals LDJ Dating 12 March 7,2011 8:11pm
Course of action: someone once refused but now giving mixed signals Singlencooking Dating 5 December 15,2010 1:04pm
Mixed signals? Need explanation. jgy60a Dating 22 October 17,2010 10:25am
Mixed signals?! Sakura365 Dating 7 October 29,2009 7:09pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:36am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0