My Kids are the #1 priority in my life...


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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #21  January 28,2012, 9:01pm
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OK, so I read most of the replies....

My thoughts- Revisiting the reply I gave to M1, who told me that (because she was so involved with her work and children) she had no time for "dating" (Love).
My kids (girls) are #1 for me... not dating, not sex, not money. As a function of that (and very much in line with habitual reasoning of "5 languages of Love": we learn by what we most witness: namely from our parents' demonstration of Love), I want to demonstrate for my children what Love is and how it should work. A demonstration of Love is highly dependent on two partners working together, therefore my Love for my partner is implicitly for my children.

Thought #2: Not everyone is poetic enough to convey who they are / what they believe in a manner guaranteed to be perceived by all exactly as it was intended (by my profile, MENSA girl actually thought I was conceited... what's up with that?). A profile is a snip. Many times, things do not taste as good (or as bad) as they look.
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is offline EccentricAmbiguity Post #22  January 29,2012, 6:54am
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As a mom I agree that it is off-putting when I read "everyone should know that my kids are my number one priority and always will be"...but it doesn't stop me from contacting them. I always assumed they have had a bad experience with a non-parent. It's also sort of a "duh" situation, I don't assume you would give your children up for adoption at my request.
However, I did go on a few dates with guys who didn't read my profile enough to know I even had children which ended up being sort of awkward when I mentioned them....so I do mention in my profile pretty blantantly that I have children, but only that.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #23  January 29,2012, 7:11am
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PG-13 wrote :
thats an instant close for me (or if all their pictures are of them and their kids or just their kids)... Im here to date you, not a bunch of kids... I turned my settings to "no" on already has kids because I had too many matches like the one the OP mentions... Same way with my facebook friends whose facebook pages turn into all baby photos... its like you pop out a kid and all of the sudden thats all there is. Give the kid its own facebook page or just have a few, but sheesh! (for the record, I do want kids, I have "yes" in wants kids as a personal preference, but the level of smug that people with kids have... dangerous levels of smug)
Don't get me wrong... I have kids. I understand the demands your kids can have on your life. I understand being proud of your kids and wanting to share your life with the person that you love. I have no issue dating someone with kids, and would only want to date someone whose kids were very special and a priority to them, based on their individual situation. What you've stated is not a problem for me at all. Many mentions of the kids in profiles, pictures, even... "a priority" all of that would be expected of a proud parent who absolutely understands that coming into their life, means also sharing in their kids lives and coming into their full life including their kids... this is what I would expect.

What I would not expect, and what is a turn-off... is someone stating off the bat that they have a pecking order, and basically have no room in their life for another person outside of their kids. I too know of families who state that their child(ren) are #1 and that their spouses (both husband and wife say this) are #2... people who have profiles that directly state that their kids will always be the most important and #1 priority... need to find each other.

I am not like this and have no interest in dating like this. I do not believe that my child should be a higher priority than my spouse. There are people out there who share this belief, and I will avoid those people. Just like with other preferences, they are just not for me.
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #24  January 29,2012, 8:18am
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justsmile wrote :
I too know of families who state that their child(ren) are #1 and that their spouses (both husband and wife say this) are #2...
I believe this is a major reason for all those "we grew apart" divorces. And also a major reason so many kids end up self-centered.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #25  January 29,2012, 8:24am
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myusernamehere wrote :
I believe this is a major reason for all those "we grew apart" divorces. And also a major reason so many kids end up self-centered.
I think you're right. It's tough to fight that feeling when they're young and depending on you for everything, but you have to as they get older. They're going to leave home.
Last edited by harnomygirl; January 29,2012 at 1:19pm.
 
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