Dating with a busy schedule.


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Holiday_HH is offline Holiday_HH Post #1  January 28,2012, 5:12am
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So I've been on a couple of mildly successful dates (they've led, at least, to a second date). My problem is that my schedule is pretty packed at this time of year and I'm having a hard time making everything work. I work during the day (and usually until 8pm or so - and every other Saturday). I also teach a class two nights a week. I enjoy having a full schedule but then it means that I usually only have one night a week "free" to date. The thing is - I'm the type of person that can't sit still, so as long as I'm doing something I'm fine.

So it's almost like a catch - 22. If I was in a relationship with someone I could make plans (date night, or taking a class together etc). But right now, I'm not in a relationship so I don't want to give any activities up because I would be bored. But, then I have very little time to date. I'm just not sure what the best approach is. Should I just suck it up and free up some time? Find an activity that is not such a commitment that I could skip in favor of a date? I do know and appreciate that dating takes time and effort...

Any insight?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 28,2012, 8:20am
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Your experience is much like mine, and I found that it was a big conflict, until I learned to only look for busy women.

My minimum expectation is that my partner have at least a full weekend available per month, so that we can be together two consequetive nights, and the entire day of Saturday. Never having teo nights, and never having a full day, and I doubt I could be fulfilled.

To me, your schedule sounds better than I need, and I'd be fine to meet.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  January 28,2012, 8:33am
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Figure out what you can do to make your schedule more flexible so you can move things around easily enough to accommodate dating but still stay busy when you are not dating. There really is no other way around it. Wanting to create a relationship while having zero flexibility in your schedule is like saying I want a 100K return on a $1 investment. You can want, but it's not going to happen.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #4  January 28,2012, 8:39am
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D_Lion wrote :
Your experience is much like mine, and I found that it was a big conflict, until I learned to only look for busy women.
This is what has worked for me, as well. I tend to not have much in common with (or interest in) women who have every evening and weekend free, anyway, so dating women with a similar lifestyle to mine tends to solve scheduling issues as well as other compatibility issues.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  January 28,2012, 8:40am
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As usual like the rest of us do when we ask a question, you do know the answer and just looking for a confirmation

You need to have some optional activities you can drop so that you have time available when you need it for a date.

Good luck

Holiday_HH wrote :
So I've been on a couple of mildly successful dates (they've led, at least, to a second date). My problem is that my schedule is pretty packed at this time of year and I'm having a hard time making everything work. I work during the day (and usually until 8pm or so - and every other Saturday). I also teach a class two nights a week. I enjoy having a full schedule but then it means that I usually only have one night a week "free" to date. The thing is - I'm the type of person that can't sit still, so as long as I'm doing something I'm fine.

So it's almost like a catch - 22. If I was in a relationship with someone I could make plans (date night, or taking a class together etc). But right now, I'm not in a relationship so I don't want to give any activities up because I would be bored. But, then I have very little time to date. I'm just not sure what the best approach is. Should I just suck it up and free up some time? Find an activity that is not such a commitment that I could skip in favor of a date? I do know and appreciate that dating takes time and effort...

Any insight?
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  January 28,2012, 8:47am
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Holiday_HH wrote :
So I've been on a couple of mildly successful dates (they've led, at least, to a second date). My problem is that my schedule is pretty packed at this time of year and I'm having a hard time making everything work. I work during the day (and usually until 8pm or so - and every other Saturday). I also teach a class two nights a week. I enjoy having a full schedule but then it means that I usually only have one night a week "free" to date. The thing is - I'm the type of person that can't sit still, so as long as I'm doing something I'm fine.

So it's almost like a catch - 22. If I was in a relationship with someone I could make plans (date night, or taking a class together etc). But right now, I'm not in a relationship so I don't want to give any activities up because I would be bored. But, then I have very little time to date. I'm just not sure what the best approach is. Should I just suck it up and free up some time? Find an activity that is not such a commitment that I could skip in favor of a date? I do know and appreciate that dating takes time and effort...

Any insight?
The good thing about your situation is that you recognize that dating takes time and effort. I think you should do what is in your best interest and set up free time to date, whenever it is necessary.

Hopefully, your dates will be understanding as well as have their own thing going on. What is most important is spending quality time with someone. When the time is right, I am sure you will make adjustments to your schedule to accomodate a relationship. Until then, stay busy and continue to have fun on your dates.

B.Y.
 
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MileHighArtist is offline MileHighArtist Post #7  January 28,2012, 9:09am
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If they're really interested then your schedule shouldn't scare them off. I'm dating a woman that works nights in addition to attending college 3 days a week. I have activities outside of work that I attend twice a month. Our days off aren't the same. We've managed to make it work and spend quality time together, and make the effort to keep in touch via phone/text when we're not together.
 
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Holiday_HH is offline Holiday_HH Post #8  January 28,2012, 9:23am
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D_Lion wrote :
Your experience is much like mine, and I found that it was a big conflict, until I learned to only look for busy women.

My minimum expectation is that my partner have at least a full weekend available per month, so that we can be together two consequetive nights, and the entire day of Saturday. Never having teo nights, and never having a full day, and I doubt I could be fulfilled.

To me, your schedule sounds better than I need, and I'd be fine to meet.
This makes a lot of sense. How do you typically broach this subject? Because I don't want to come off rigid - I am willing to rearrange my schedule and I'm flexible for people that are in my life but i don't want to give up activities i really enjoy and thy make me happy just so I can go on dates (because lets face it - we all know the success rate of dating). But, when I find that person I will be comfortable making changes. But how do I discuss this without sounding like a) I have no time for dating and wouldn't make an effort or b) like I'm puting pressure on anyone to "commit" to spending time with me?
Last edited by Holiday_HH; January 28,2012 at 9:25am.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  January 28,2012, 9:46am
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In the first place, I am communicating to childless, non-theological persons in salaried professional occupations, who give a sense of being aspirational in their profile; I also prefer to see some compatible leisures, and a sense of matching time and priority to leisure. So, I expect them to have a similar schedule and availability as myself; some are also students. Another thing I pay attention to is pre-meeting communication style and timing, and her reaction to mine.

When I get to OC, I propose a meeting for the next upcoming Saturday (including the same night if my OC is found Saturday morning.)

If my match accepts or responds with a reasonable counter-offer, I am fine either way. If her counter-offer is not the following weekend, I just let her know I can not make a work night, and then I suggest the following weekend. Occasionally a woman had a conflict, but I have usually found a mutually-agreeable Friday or Saturday night within three weeks. (A couple meetings happened Saturday during the day, and a handful of distance matches are an exception as well.)

As my first meeting draws to an end, I discuss specific plans for the next meeting. It will be at best the next weekend, or whenever we both can manage it.

My first meetings are usually a long dinner, and my initial proposal for the second is usually something during the day, followed by dinner; depending on what I felt like, her interests, and the weather, I might propose something which can very readily involve spending the night, such as skiing or a trip somewhere that barely fits in one day but is perfect for two. It is fairly reliable that a woman goes along with my plan, and will usually try to squeeze in an additional plan of her own beforehand (which often becomes the first time I am in her home.)

***

I will move everything else in my life, except work, school, and finacial security / safety concerns, to accomodate my partner. I also do not risk spreading myself too thin by chasing more than one woman.

Although I do not put such an expectation squarely to my partner, I guess I have gotten away without having to, since I get a very bimodal outcome to my new relationships - she is "all in" or she poofs right away.

I will also use my vacation time to increase my time with my partner, prior to any other uses.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  January 28,2012, 10:01am
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My opinion is that you MAKE time for what is important to you. From your OP it is obvious to me that dating and a relationship are not all that important to you as it is more important 1) to be busy and 2) be involved in the activities that you are now engaged in.

Unless you can find a guy that is perfectly happy being in a relationship where he spends most, or all, of his time doing his own thing without his partner then you going to be alone as far as dating and a romantic relationship is concerned. Or you could start dating D_Lion.
 
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