Dating with a busy schedule.


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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #31  January 28,2012, 11:29am
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harnomygirl wrote :
I referred to the wrong gender in my posts. Read it as girls' nights out, etc.
My point stands for either gender. People date in different ways at different speeds for different reasons. If it's occurring between two consenting adults and working for them, it's of no one else's concern.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #32  January 28,2012, 11:32am
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nick222 wrote :
My point stands for either gender. People date in different ways at different speeds for different reasons. If it's occurring between two consenting adults and working for them, it's of no one else's concern.
It's the concern of every interested poster once it's on this site.
 
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JoesComments is online now JoesComments Post #33  January 28,2012, 12:09pm
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I would switch some of your rigidly scheduled activities to optional activities that you could drop for a date. For example, a spinning or yoga instructor in a group class won't care if you show up or not. If you have no date, do your spin class. If you have a date opportunity, go on the date rather than do your spin class.

Let's say that, early on in dating, you gave the impression that you were very busy. If that was something that bothered me, I would not expect you to change for me if things got serious. I accept or reject people for who the are and for who they demonstrate themselves to be. Going into a relationship with the hope or expectation that they will change is a recipe for disaster.
 
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Holiday_HH is offline Holiday_HH Post #34  January 28,2012, 12:56pm
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JoesComments wrote :

Let's say that, early on in dating, you gave the impression that you were very busy. If that was something that bothered me, I would not expect you to change for me if things got serious. I accept or reject people for who the are and for who they demonstrate themselves to be. Going into a relationship with the hope or expectation that they will change is a recipe for disaster.

This I what I worry about - if I discuss my activities I will seem overly busy but like I said, I would happily substitute some of my activities for activities I could do with my partner. But that' could be a creepy conversation to have with a date
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #35  January 28,2012, 1:08pm
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When you meet the right person, you will move heaven and earth to see them, so then this will become a mute point.

In order to meet that person, you might consider making sure you have one or two evenings per week free to date.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #36  January 28,2012, 1:18pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Your experience is much like mine, and I found that it was a big conflict, until I learned to only look for busy women.

My minimum expectation is that my partner have at least a full weekend available per month, so that we can be together two consequetive nights, and the entire day of Saturday. Never having teo nights, and never having a full day, and I doubt I could be fulfilled.

To me, your schedule sounds better than I need, and I'd be fine to meet.
What He Said^^^^^

I have an extremely busy schedule..

I teach as an adjunct two nights a week...and Saturdays I am mostly attending conferences or workshops.

I am also involved in many writing projects with deadlines that do not afford me much free time on the weekends because I teach full time as a middle school teacher during the week and only have the weekends to keep ahead of deadlines...

So...I tend to seek men who may be retired but have healthy hobbies or who are gainfully employed but as busy as I am.

It is the nature of the beast...DL is right...seek the best fit for you.

BTW: I have had several men say to me "If you are so busy maybe you should not consider dating because no man will put up with your schedule"....very insulting when I hear this often, because the men who say it tend to travel alot for their job and have very busy lives or tend to be retired couch potatoes who seem to be looking for a woman who will sit around and wait for them to call or wait on them all day...

...and if my parents had not raised me to be a lady, I would have such a great response for these men!...
 
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JoesComments is online now JoesComments Post #37  January 28,2012, 7:31pm
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This I what I worry about - if I discuss my activities I will seem overly busy but like I said, I would happily substitute some of my activities for activities I could do with my partner. But that' could be a creepy conversation to have with a date

*******
Personally, I would not be too concerned if you mentioned all of the activities you in which you participate. What would make me think you were too busy would be the fact that you were only available one particular night per week (and just one night every other week if you happened to see someone else).

But, if you had one free night per week and two other nights that you could free up (my spinning and yoga classes from my example above) then I don't think you would have much of an issue. You could see the guy 1 to 3 times a week. With that type of flexibility, I don't think appearing too busy would be an issue.

I really think there is a very easy fix to give you everything you asked for in your posts. Keep up to 4 nights rigidly scheduled. Keep your one free night. Then have two nights a week where you can attend or not attend the event depending on your dating options. This way, you can do something every night of the week (so you wont be bored) and you will have sufficient flexibility to date one or even two guys. Most reasonable guys will be perfectly content with the flexibility of three different nights. As things get more serious, you can adjust accordingly.

I really think this issue is totally fixable with a tiny modification in your schedule and thinking.
 
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