Would you date someone in AA?


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #1  January 27,2012, 10:06am
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Curious if you met someone in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) if you would consider dating them. Would their length of time in AA make a difference?
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #2  January 27,2012, 10:08am
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the board won't let me edit my post. wanted to clarify that I meant meeting someone who is a member of AA and is a recovering alcoholic. Not if you met someone while you were both at AA.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #3  January 27,2012, 10:17am
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I actually went out w/ a guy who admitted on our first date that he was a recovering alcoholic. I liked him and appreciated his honesty, but couldn't get past it. I hate it that I feel that way, but a close family member was an alcoholic and I know how difficult and rare it is for someone to remain sober.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #4  January 27,2012, 10:18am
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I coudn't. I could accept a reformed alcoholic. I mean, we all make mistakes, and they've learned from them. I couldn't accept someone who doesn't take personal responsibility for their own lives though so AA members are out. I mean, the first three steps of their twelve step plan are--"1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #5  January 27,2012, 10:20am
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scully98 wrote :
the board won't let me edit my post. wanted to clarify that I meant meeting someone who is a member of AA and is a recovering alcoholic. Not if you met someone while you were both at AA.
LOL...that does make a difference.

I have dated a recovering alcoholic. He'd been sober 12 years when we met. He did not attend meetings, but I knew from his habits and his attitude that it wouldn't be an issue. Those are the two things I'd have to feel comfortable with: what does he do, and how does he think of/handle his issues. His personal integrity and sense of accountability were exemplary.

In our case, it worked fine. I drink only on rare occasions these days and quite sparingly, so I simply stopped drinking at all for the time we were together. He hadn't picked up any of the other sometimes common habits that go along with recovering alcoholics (smoking, etc.). He was fine being around people who had a drink with their meals. He didn't make issue of his prior addictions.

I would think this would be highly subjective and dependent on the two people in question.
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; January 27,2012 at 10:23am.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #6  January 27,2012, 10:21am
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scully98 wrote :
Curious if you met someone in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) if you would consider dating them. Would their length of time in AA make a difference?
I would much rather date a recovering alcoholic who is in AA than one who isn't. That support is an important part of recovery. The real question is whether I'd want to date a recovering alcoholic, period.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #7  January 27,2012, 10:24am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I coudn't. I could accept a reformed alcoholic. I mean, we all make mistakes, and they've learned from them. I couldn't accept someone who doesn't take personal responsibility for their own lives though so AA members are out. I mean, the first three steps of their twelve step plan are--"1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
I agree with this. From what I have seen AA replaces one crutch with another. I had a college pal who became just as addicted to the meetings as he ever was to booze.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #8  January 27,2012, 10:24am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I coudn't. I could accept a reformed alcoholic. I mean, we all make mistakes, and they've learned from them. I couldn't accept someone who doesn't take personal responsibility for their own lives though so AA members are out. I mean, the first three steps of their twelve step plan are--"1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
You appear to not understand how alcoholism works. There are not "reformed" alcoholics. There are those who are using and those who are in recovery. If they were able to stop on their own without treatment, they were probably not an alcoholic, but just someone who drank too much.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 27,2012, 10:24am
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This is a very difficult question to answer for me. I have seen what it does to people, and tried to be there very hard for someone. Took me longer than a year before I realized that I wouldn't be able to make a difference no matter how hard I tried.

Having seen what it can do to a person, and how close to relapsing they are for a long time to come, It would be very difficult to say yes, knowing full well that everything you build with that person can be thrown out the window through no fault of yours at anytime.

In my opinion, it is just too risky ... Maybe it is my age, but I would be unwilling to take that risk where I am in life right now.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #10  January 27,2012, 10:27am
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Probably not. I have experience with someone who was (is) an addict and I'm not going through that again.
 
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