Would you date someone in AA?


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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #91  January 30,2012, 10:14pm
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OK, except for that brief fling... it was SIXTEEN years. Sixteen very long years. I figure I have some coming. "Cept I haven't figured out how to make it happen.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #92  January 31,2012, 3:33am
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Reverse_Dragon wrote :
The predisposition to addiction is closely related to obsessive compulsive disorder... possibly it is OCD.
That is a theory I've never heard before. If you are correct, I hope it becomes more widespread. Handling OCD is doable.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #93  January 31,2012, 4:37pm
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Time to get back to the OP. Thanks.
 
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inthevagueschemeofthings is offline inthevagueschemeofthings Post #94  February 1,2012, 7:35am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I coudn't. I could accept a reformed alcoholic. I mean, we all make mistakes, and they've learned from them. I couldn't accept someone who doesn't take personal responsibility for their own lives though so AA members are out. I mean, the first three steps of their twelve step plan are--"1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
Having been to a few meetings in support of a friend, I can tell you that AA is all about taking personal responsibility for one's life. By most accounts, it's the only proven way to stay sober. Members are expected to make amends to everyone they've wronged and help fellow alcoholics get or stay on the wagon. Oddly enough, however, new members are discouraged from dating for the first several months of recovery.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #95  February 1,2012, 10:27am
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inthevagueschemeofthings wrote :
Having been to a few meetings in support of a friend, I can tell you that AA is all about taking personal responsibility for one's life. By most accounts, it's the only proven way to stay sober. Members are expected to make amends to everyone they've wronged and help fellow alcoholics get or stay on the wagon. Oddly enough, however, new members are discouraged from dating for the first several months of recovery.
Thanks for clearing up some misconceptions that seem to be common here. Also, the reason people in the early stages of recovery are discouraged from dating is that mentally/emotionally unhealthy people tend to be attracted to (and attract) equally unhealthy people and form unhealthy relationships. Once they get control of their lives back they tend to form healthier relationships with healthier people. In fact, it's fairly common that a person in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict will not be able to function in the relationship once the person gets well, due to their level of codependency, unless they also deal with their own issues that caused them to be attracted to an alcoholic in the first place.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #96  February 1,2012, 10:50am
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nick222 wrote :
Thanks for clearing up some misconceptions that seem to be common here. Also, the reason people in the early stages of recovery are discouraged from dating is that mentally/emotionally unhealthy people tend to be attracted to (and attract) equally unhealthy people and form unhealthy relationships. Once they get control of their lives back they tend to form healthier relationships with healthier people. In fact, it's fairly common that a person in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict will not be able to function in the relationship once the person gets well, due to their level of codependency, unless they also deal with their own issues that caused them to be attracted to an alcoholic in the first place.
Great point, Nick. I don't think that codependency has been brought up directly in this thread, but that is an important consideration. The book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is a great read on the subject of enabling and codependency.

I posted earlier about my sister and the man that she ultimately married. I know that her personality is that of a "fixer" - and that is in all aspects of her life, not just in her romantic relationships. Even though we share the same history and family background, we couldn't be more different in that aspect.
 
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FyreCracker is offline FyreCracker Post #97  February 2,2012, 6:40pm
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This thread makes me very sad. I had no idea so many non-alcoholic drinkers felt this way about people in recovery. I am a recovering alcoholic and a member of AA. Also, very new to the dating scene as now I am divorced for a year and ready to start dating. I had wondered how I might, or when I might bring up the topic to a man that I date. Do I tell him right away or wait until the 2nd or 3rd date. But now I feel like damaged goods and who would ever want to date me.

If you met me in real life you'd would just see your everyday, average hard working, divorced mom. I take care of myself and exercise. I have a successful career and am well educated. My children are happy, healthy, well adjusted teens who excel at academics and sports.

I never wished as a child that one day I'd grow up and become an alcoholic. But yet it happened. After many years of social drinking I crossed that line. Oh and you posters who were not compassionate about recovery addicts or alcoholics are probably like I used to be: thinking that could never happen to me. Because you have will power and you would stop. But you're wrong. Just as I was.
 
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