Easiest way to get over one MAN is to date ANOTHER...


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Vanillasky is offline Vanillasky Post #41  January 30,2012, 1:58pm
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jussmile wrote :
Well, at least that's what my therapist told me! Seriously. After my divorce, went to counseling and this is exactly what he told me .
If you're still around here, or if anyone else knows the answer to my question... how long were you married and how long have you been seeing this last boyfriend?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #42  January 31,2012, 5:00pm
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Vanillasky wrote :
If you're still around here, or if anyone else knows the answer to my question... how long were you married and how long have you been seeing this last boyfriend?

I was married for 15 years... now at the 6 month mark with my current guy...

curious... why?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #43  January 31,2012, 5:05pm
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imperfekt wrote :
So the OP is a female, who still visits a therapist, and has several dates lined up. Do women really need a personality to get dates? If the OP was a male visiting a therapist,he would not even get a reply back. Women sure have is it easy when it comes to getting dates
I did see a counselor after my divorce. I saw someone for about 3 months... I am no longer seeing a counselor, and yes, since my divorce, I have typically had dates lined up... I don't think it's about having it "easy" though...

I am considered attractive and have a nice enough body with up-to-date pictures to go along with it (close-up facial shots and body shots)... maybe it's not the women who have it easy, maybe women just look for different things in men, so selection criteria for online dating makes it easier for women to get dates?
 
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brixjnz is offline brixjnz Post #44  January 31,2012, 5:18pm
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jussmile wrote :
I should add that it may not be for everyone... but it was the right thing for me.

In the couple of days that TD and I broke up (broke it off... cried wolf, whatever you want to call it...), I did restart my profile and got a number of contacts. Actually had "drinks" with one guy. I don't think I was using this guy any more than he was "using" me... dating is about two people getting to know each other and determining if any further investigation is necessary... in this particular case, it was not. But, I was open to it.

Now that TD and I are back together, I have cancelled all of my other "meets" and am completely fine with that. It's just a matter of personality I think. I'm a very, flexible... go with the wind kind of person. I don't believe in rights and wrongs, goods and bads, blacks and whites... So, I do what feels right for me at the time. Getting out there after TD, and after my divorce "felt" right.

I don't know if I would have known to do that had the therapist not mentioned it... I am glad he did, because this advice was spot on... again... for me.
Okay, I missed something. You broke up and then got back together? When and how did this all happen? Are things better now?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #45  January 31,2012, 8:06pm
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brixjnz wrote :
Okay, I missed something. You broke up and then got back together? When and how did this all happen? Are things better now?
Things are quite better just yet... but he says there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm trying to believe that and am holding on a little here. I really, really like him and would love for things to work out.
 
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Vanillasky is offline Vanillasky Post #46  February 1,2012, 7:21am
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jussmile wrote :
I was married for 15 years... now at the 6 month mark with my current guy...

curious... why?
It seems like the longer someone is married to or dating a person, the longer it takes to get over the split.

Divorce sometimes feels like someone has died. Your ex is gone. The person you lived with day in and day out, your best friend for better or worse is gone.

It takes time to mourn the loss. I recognize that there are stages of recovery from divorce, now that I've gone through it and close friends have.

I had a feeling that the same would apply to dating. In the beginning I was a clueless divorced person dating, and now I feel like a single person who knows what she wants from dating.
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #47  February 1,2012, 7:37am
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imperfekt wrote :
So the OP is a female, who still visits a therapist, and has several dates lined up. Do women really need a personality to get dates? If the OP was a male visiting a therapist,he would not even get a reply back. Women sure have is it easy when it comes to getting dates
This isn't true at all. In fact, the whole premise is silly.

I've found that the best-adjusted men I've met are those who sought counsel during difficult times. They realized that there was something within themselves that was holding them back, and they sought to understand it and make adjustments. That kind of self-knowledge is far more attractive than someone who refuses to believe his persistent problems are caused by outside factors.

Then again, it's easier to blame everyone else than to take accountability for one's own life.
 
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