theycallmeV is offline theycallmeV Post #1  January 26,2012, 11:33am
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hi ladies and gents.... I'm new, not just to eharmony but online dating altogether.

I've been messaging and texting a match for about a week now and we finally stepped it up to talking on the phone early last night. So, just some background info, I honestly do think we're a good match... conversation flows pretty easy and he's totally sweet on me (yes I'm a sucker for charmers).... so last night after talking for an hour I bid him goodnight (I had to shower and get ready for bed and couldn't talk anymore bc my roommates are light sleepers) and he mentioned he might text me later if I'm still up.

Two seconds after we hung up his texting started, simple at first just "loved talking to you, you have such a sexy voice" .... by the time I was done showering and in bed he had left four more flirtatious texts and asked for a pic to save to his phone. No harm right? I sent a quick pic and the next thing I knew we're sex-ting. Like.... really sex-ting lol!

I've never ever done that before and this morning I felt kinda [profanity deleted by moderator]. Are there rules for this kinda thing? Is a week too soon for such harmless fun?
Last edited by Sassafras54; January 27,2012 at 10:42pm. Reason: profanity deleted by moderator
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #2  January 26,2012, 11:44am
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IDK about rules, but I'd say sex-ting before meeting can send the wrong message (no pun intended).

Nothing wrong w/ harmless fun, but wonder what he might expect on your first date if you've gone this far w/o even meeting.
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #3  January 26,2012, 11:53am
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I agree w/ SK. Sexting before you've even met is definitely setting yourself up for a guy just wanting one thing from you when you meet. Next time, save it for after you've gone out w/ someone for awhile.
 
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theycallmeV is offline theycallmeV Post #4  January 26,2012, 11:55am
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gah! I was thinking that too this morning .... my first text was "good morning".... my second was "btw I've never done that before" hoping he'd get the impression that I'm not THAT type of girl. We're both talking again tonight when we're out of work so I'm thinking I'm going to be straight-out honest and say that, yes it was fun but that I really dont want him to get the wrong impression of me.

Or am I making to big a deal out of this? and then he'll think I'm some prude? lol! I don't know if I'm over-thinking this (which, no surprise, is a thing I do sometimes).
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  January 26,2012, 11:59am
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Anything you do on your phone can go viral in a nanosecond. It is not a private conversation. It can be viewed /read by those present...or sent to anyone anywhere at anytime.

Save it for people you know and have met in person...Good Luck
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #6  January 26,2012, 12:05pm
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Saying "I've never done that before" is cliche and he will think you are lying, even if you aren't. Leave it alone at this point and don't do it again. I think at this point you all need to get off the phone and actually meet in person asap.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #7  January 26,2012, 12:11pm
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theycallmeV wrote :
gah! I was thinking that too this morning .... my first text was "good morning".... my second was "btw I've never done that before" hoping he'd get the impression that I'm not THAT type of girl. We're both talking again tonight when we're out of work so I'm thinking I'm going to be straight-out honest and say that, yes it was fun but that I really dont want him to get the wrong impression of me.

Or am I making to big a deal out of this? and then he'll think I'm some prude? lol! I don't know if I'm over-thinking this (which, no surprise, is a thing I do sometimes).
You are over-thinking this... and we've all done it (over-thought a situation) when we really like someone. The problem is you haven't even met this guy yet... you are putting the cart WAY in front of the horse.

Drop the sex-ting thing and move on... don't mention it again and try to diffuse future requests to sext w/ humor.

And before this goes any further, plan to meet!
Last edited by Special-K; January 26,2012 at 3:22pm. Reason: b/c apparently it read that we've all sex-ted and that's not what I meant.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #8  January 26,2012, 12:14pm
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Someone I met just did that to me as well, but worse yet, did not even speak to me on the phone, let alone not having met. We clicked on line, so we exchanged numbers. By the end of the first day, we agree it would be good to meet and I let him know when I was free. Well, then I get the sext message. I tried to be funny to let him know it was too much (I responed, Slow Down Cowboy) and I get, "Sorry if I put you off, but I am just being myself" Then I get a follow up, would ask to meet you but it is too cold. At this point, I am put off. Then he asks when we can meet, and I let him know that we are not on the same page, and he said "Well, that is who I am, I am just being myself and I won't change for anyone, so goodbye, good luck" The next day I get "I was thinking that maybe you are right and I should not have sent those messages. Maybe we can go out and you can see me" (not reading into the statement "see me" too much, but it was not like he said, get to know me) I just said "I have moved on, good luck"

Sorry, it is never a good idea to let your guard down that fast with those messages. If you want to be treated with respect in a relationship, it is ok to draw the line. Anyone worth their weight will get it.
Last edited by smileygirl; January 26,2012 at 12:17pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  January 26,2012, 12:27pm
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If I had a match that headed off in the direction of sex-ting that would be an instant close. But then I am kind of old fashioned, I will keep the sex to actual in person and not some sort of cyber fantasy.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #10  January 26,2012, 12:50pm
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I'd be interested in knowing what types of things you were saying...was it stuff like 'i'd love to do x to you'? If so, and if you don't plan on doing X when you do meet him in person, I'd let him know that you were just kdding basically (and be prepared for him to walk).

If it was more like 'i love it when guys do y', I'd simply keep the texts and conversations non-sexual from here on out, meet, and make sure you are not in a position for him to do Y when you meet..cause he may be expecting that.
 
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