Flash in the Pan Romance


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RockyRaccoon83 is offline RockyRaccoon83 Post #1  January 26,2012, 12:25am
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Has anybody had a romance here that started out very intensely and burned out very quickly? I met someone from an internet singles site and we clicked immediately and went out for about a month. We had great chemistry and it felt we could talk about everything. I almost felt like I was in high school again. We started to make plans about future trips, future get togethers, cooking dinners together. At one point, we even talked about how we were going to handle her bar prep (she's finishing up law school).

Then, as quickly as the fire was lit, it burned out. I think she got scared we were moving too fast, and our brief courtship kinda ended on an ambiguous note as she expressed uncertainty to me about how fast things were going and I was put off by her uncertainty.

That was about a week ago. We haven't been in touch with each other since. Part of me wants to move on, but another part of me remembers the great chemistry we had on our dates and feels that it's a shame to end it this way. I'm thinking of just sending her an email telling her that I had a really fun time on our dates and that it would be a shame for us to end it in such an ambiguous way. I know love is often times about timing, and while I won't wait around for her, I'm willing to leave the door open for it may be happening again down the road when both of us are in different places. I would also genuinely value her as a friend even if we both did move on, as I really did enjoy her company, both romantically and socially. Do you all think it's worth it?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  January 26,2012, 2:45am
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Taking the details you gave in your other thread, "dating anxiety", into account ...

RockyRaccoon83 wrote :
Then, as quickly as the fire was lit, it burned out. I think she got scared we were moving too fast, and our brief courtship kinda ended on an ambiguous note as she expressed uncertainty to me about how fast things were going and I was put off by her uncertainty.

That was about a week ago. We haven't been in touch with each other since.
This is a fallacy you are creating in your mind. You make it sound like, "oh, we had an 'ambiguous' conversation about this and then we just mutually fell out of touch" ...when the fact of the matter is, she stopped talking to you.

This is denial. You are wanting to believe something that simply isn't true. The truth is, you have no choice in if or how your 'relationship' with this woman may or may not proceed because she's already made that decision for you ...by tossing you to the proverbial curb.

RockyRaccoon83 wrote :
Part of me wants to move on, but another part of me remembers the great chemistry we had on our dates and feels that it's a shame to end it this way.
I see what you are saying because you are putting all the right words in the right order ...but I don't think that any "part" of you truly wants to move on. I think that 100% of you would give it another chance if she came back with a reasonable approximation of an excuse concerning her behavior.

RockyRaccoon83 wrote :
I'm thinking of just sending her an email telling her that I had a really fun time on our dates and that it would be a shame for us to end it in such an ambiguous way. I know love is often times about timing, and while I won't wait around for her, I'm willing to leave the door open for it may be happening again down the road when both of us are in different places. I would also genuinely value her as a friend even if we both did move on, as I really did enjoy her company, both romantically and socially.
You are really reaching for pretty much any imaginary excuse you can come up with to justify somehow trying to keep this woman in your life (and getting another bite at the apple later), aren't ya? First it was "she got scared/uncertain", now it's "timing/she wasn't ready" ...

RockyRaccoon83 wrote :
Do you all think it's worth it?
No. Writing someone an email who, for all intents and purposes, has shown that she has no desire to communicate with you again is going to come across as desperate and needy.

(...but, I'm guessing that desperate and needy ship has pretty much already sailed for you ...and she was on it.)
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  January 26,2012, 4:04am
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These boards are littered with these kinds of scenarios. At the end of the day, when it's truly right, it's never too fast or too scary or wrong timing or whatever. Saying those things is all very convenient for the person dumping you. It's the "it's not you it's me " line and it's a classic. The fact of the matter is that while YOU felt all that chemistry and connection, the other person simply did not feel the same way and moved on. You should move on too and the sooner the better.
 
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jov27 is offline jov27 Post #4  January 26,2012, 4:21am
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DancingFool wrote :
These boards are littered with these kinds of scenarios. At the end of the day, when it's truly right, it's never too fast or too scary or wrong timing or whatever. Saying those things is all very convenient for the person dumping you. It's the "it's not you it's me " line and it's a classic. The fact of the matter is that while YOU felt all that chemistry and connection, the other person simply did not feel the same way and moved on. You should move on too and the sooner the better.
See above. Yep, it's happened in similar ways to me and most people I know who online date - sooner or later you may be able to think of it as fun while it lasted rather than as the 'one who got away.' But it does burn a bit for a while.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  January 26,2012, 5:00am
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Ah... new sex narcosis....no... you can't rekindle it...because it's no longer "new"...and that was the only good part. Once that part wore off the "what was I thinking?" ick factor kicks in for one or both..and fizzle, bow out, etc. happens...Move on to someone new...Good Luck..
 
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Hopeful31 is offline Hopeful31 Post #6  January 26,2012, 7:43am
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Ok, apparently I've read this differently than the other posters, but I'm a little confused as to how what you wrote means that she has completely dumped you. I really don't think we've gotten enough details, but you did say:

" I think she got scared we were moving too fast, and our brief courtship kinda ended on an ambiguous note as she expressed uncertainty to me about how fast things were going and I was put off by her uncertainty."

What that sounds like to me is she said slow down and you took that to mean you guys were over. You also mentioned that neither of you has initiated contact. If all she said was slow down and you want to keep seeing her, I think it is worth asking her out again. She may be delaying contact because she felt that you were "put off" by her uncertainty (or you may have said something to indicate you were losing interest).

Alternatively, if she said something in your last conversation that indicates that she doesn't want to see you (even if it was just "for a while" or something similar), then I would take that to mean that you should probably let it go. All in all, though, I don't think there's enough info to say for sure.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  January 26,2012, 7:47am
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RockyRaccoon83 wrote :
Part of me wants to move on, but another part of me remembers the great chemistry we had on our dates and feels that it's a shame to end it this way.
You may want to look up the word "lust".
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  January 26,2012, 7:48am
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DancingFool wrote :
These boards are littered with these kinds of scenarios. At the end of the day, when it's truly right, it's never too fast or too scary or wrong timing or whatever. Saying those things is all very convenient for the person dumping you. It's the "it's not you it's me " line and it's a classic. The fact of the matter is that while YOU felt all that chemistry and connection, the other person simply did not feel the same way and moved on. You should move on too and the sooner the better.
Yep ^^^
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is offline EccentricAmbiguity Post #9  January 26,2012, 8:12am
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Something very similar happened to me last October. And to be honest I feel like up until just recently, I just couldn't get past it. It was even more intense in the sense that he told me he loved me and that he could see even marrying me one day. He also repeatedly came back saying he made a mistake. It is sad when dealing with someone who lacks self awareness enough to know the difference between "potential wife" or "never talk to her again". As for me, I have never fallen for someone to that extent only to have my feelings suddenly burn out. I think the most difficult part of dealing with a person like this is if you can't relate to that mentality...then you are stuck thinking "what if they made a mistake". As difficult as it is, and as sure as your feelings were, her mind works differently....she felt and then she didn't.
For me, the easiest way to move on has been to picture him thinking of me and feeling absolutely nothing. When I do that I think "Why am I wasting my time?"
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #10  January 26,2012, 8:23am
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RockyRaccoon83 wrote :
Has anybody had a romance here that started out very intensely and burned out very quickly? I met someone from an internet singles site and we clicked immediately and went out for about a month. We had great chemistry and it felt we could talk about everything. I almost felt like I was in high school again. We started to make plans about future trips, future get togethers, cooking dinners together. At one point, we even talked about how we were going to handle her bar prep (she's finishing up law school).

Then, as quickly as the fire was lit, it burned out. I think she got scared we were moving too fast, and our brief courtship kinda ended on an ambiguous note as she expressed uncertainty to me about how fast things were going and I was put off by her uncertainty.

That was about a week ago. We haven't been in touch with each other since. Part of me wants to move on, but another part of me remembers the great chemistry we had on our dates and feels that it's a shame to end it this way. I'm thinking of just sending her an email telling her that I had a really fun time on our dates and that it would be a shame for us to end it in such an ambiguous way. I know love is often times about timing, and while I won't wait around for her, I'm willing to leave the door open for it may be happening again down the road when both of us are in different places. I would also genuinely value her as a friend even if we both did move on, as I really did enjoy her company, both romantically and socially. Do you all think it's worth it?
The key is....you all went out 5 times..and as you've said...there was nothing more than kissing...

It just wasn't a match. You are throwing around these terms of "great romance"..."love"...etc. It was just some fun dates with a woman to see if you all had enough in common to go forward. You were falling unfortunately all by yourself.

She had fun with you...but that's it. Making this out to be something so much greater than it was keeps you from seeing people for who they really are and comparing other women to her when she was just someone who you dated 5 times who just wasn't that in to you.

I know it hurts a bit...but that's all it should be. Just a, "Oh well, didn't work out, next!"..

There is nothing to "hold on to" here..She has moved on, so should you.

This is what dating is all about, going out a few times to see if it's a match. Getting so emotionally invested by yourself is going to lead to this happening again.

As others mentioned on your other thread, it's also WAY too much pressure on someone to be having this big "relationship" talk after only 5 dates. This could have been the reason she ran the other direction.

It's one thing if you all were discussing exclusivity before having sex, this is perfectly fine. But asking where you see the two of you going...is going to come across too needy and yes, anxious.

So, dust yourself off, see this for what it really was, and move on to the next date...Good luck!
 
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