How long should I wait for him to call after a first date?!


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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #41  January 27,2012, 4:02pm
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jimmyh452 wrote :
You're right....There are certainly learned aspects of masculinity and femininity, but men and women have very different brains, hormonal systems etc that result in inherent gender differences.

A simple google search for male vs female pituitary will yield peer reviewed scholarly results demonstrating vast differences in male/female stress response resulting from the differences in just this one tiny brain structure.

As much as sociologists and other pseudo scientific discipline like to harp that gender is a social construct, it just isn't.

First, for every reputable study making such claims, there is an equally reputable study refuting them.

(And for as long as there has been science, it has been used as a tool of ideology.)

Moveover, random variation between individuals is greater than any observed difference between males and females.

***

But, of greater practical importance, what consequences do you deem to be outcomes of an intrinsic difference in males and females, and how and where (not to mention why) do you wish to accept the consequences in society?

For example, one finding that appears to be strong is a preferance for a more aggressive choice by males.

It is well established that males make riskier choices in equity investing, real estate investing, or the use of consumer credit generally; they are thus far more likely to be either very successful or very unsuccessful, even though their average outcome is similar to females. (Concentration into the tails, by the way, extends to non-human species and a wide variety of metrics, such as reproductive outcomes.)

Another example is life outcomes, where males are 90% of senior managers but also 90% of incarcerated persons.

***

It's one thing to say "Oh look, I can find a correlation to some gland, it must be proof!"

And another thing to say "And I accept this, and all its ills and harms and hardships, now and forever. I'll even publish it, in hopes it will someday be called a bible. "

Or you could be me, and look at everything and say "Does this arrangement and practice produce an optimal outcome under the constraints at hand, and if not how can I redesign the process so that it does?"
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #42  January 27,2012, 8:02pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Moveover, random variation between individuals is greater than any observed difference between males and females.
This is very true, and very important. It's part of a greater fundamental rule in the social sciences, which is, "Within-group differences are greater than between-group differences." This cannot be overstated. Many members of eHA would do well to learn it and apply it to their lives.
 
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eharmoneed is offline eharmoneed Post #43  January 27,2012, 10:21pm
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Please don't call him. he's not interested. But I am impressed that you talked for 2 hours and then had a 3 hour date and that you gave the hug first and not him. And that you texted him on monday thanking him for the date.

Wow, I never put myself out there like that - but maybe that's my problem. i didn't know girls did that nowadays. I thought guys liked girls to be a little bit more challenging.

I almost never text or call a guy, much less let him know i'm interested. I always wait for him to call, make the first move, or show interest first, even after we've been dating for a while.

But this is an issue that I am working on. It's more out of my own insecurities and fear of rejection to not show how much i like him . If a guy rejects me after I've shown that I like him it just kills my spirit somehow and I don't recover too quickly - hence why I don't show interest early on. And why they lose interest early on!

I had a weekday date with an interesting guy - my second only on EH- it was going on for some time and I thought shorter is better, so I said I had something to do early. I didn't think this was a big deal. he seemed surprised but said okay.

he never called again. Should I have let him end the date? Or then again maybe it was something I said or didn't say or do (as in text him after the date (he did text me after the date but it was kind of hard to read and he didn't say he'd liek to get together again) so I texted him a similiar polite text. During the date, I didn't really give any signs or indications of strong interest b/c frankly I didn't have any. But it was a first meeting - should I have been fake about it - is that what girls do now? Please tell me b/c I'd really like to know.

Also, is it normal for girls to text guys early on or even ask them out when it's going on the 3rd or 4th date??? If this is also the norm, I'd like to know that too.

Back to should you contact him - you put yourself out there way more than I would have and he didn't call within a normal time frame - there's someone else - and you deserve to be number one - I'd wait for someone else to come along.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #44  January 28,2012, 5:46am
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eharmoneed wrote :
But this is an issue that I am working on. It's more out of my own insecurities and fear of rejection to not show how much i like him . If a guy rejects me after I've shown that I like him it just kills my spirit somehow and I don't recover too quickly - hence why I don't show interest early on. And why they lose interest early on!

I had a weekday date with an interesting guy - my second only on EH- it was going on for some time and I thought shorter is better, so I said I had something to do early. I didn't think this was a big deal. he seemed surprised but said okay.

he never called again. Should I have let him end the date? Or then again maybe it was something I said or didn't say or do (as in text him after the date (he did text me after the date but it was kind of hard to read and he didn't say he'd liek to get together again) so I texted him a similiar polite text. During the date, I didn't really give any signs or indications of strong interest b/c frankly I didn't have any. But it was a first meeting - should I have been fake about it - is that what girls do now? Please tell me b/c I'd really like to know.

Also, is it normal for girls to text guys early on or even ask them out when it's going on the 3rd or 4th date??? If this is also the norm, I'd like to know that too.

Your lie was almost surely perceived as such. Guys have heard the lame lies before.

I do not cut short a meeting, even when I'm bored (which is actually common.) I meet for dinner, and the conclusion of dinner is typically time to say goodnight (or, in the rare good case, go home together.) Of course, if you're not participating in the planning, you're stuck with what you're handed.

An interested person, who "had something to do" would bring that to her date's attention while the meeting was being scheduled (or cancel or move the something.)

If you wish to see that person again, you definitely should be inviting him to a meeting, with an apology for your premature departure.

Other than that, some people seem to like the body language flirting or interest expressions - touching them, playing with your hair, brushing their leg, sharing food, laughter ...

I need something more tangible, personally, but the above and a sincere "thank you" and statement that you're hoping to see them again soon, will probably suffice with a majority of guys.

***

All women I date share in communication, initiation, invitation, and planning - and from the very beginning, not several meetings.

Those who don't are simply invisible to me.

In my peer group, "asking out" is not really how meetings are done. "Getting together" is more the idea.
 
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