Would you date someone with a special needs child?


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #1  January 25,2012, 10:33am
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This is something my friends and I have been discussing. Thinking along the lines of downs syndrome or autism or cerebral palsy.

Have you dated someone with a special needs child? Would you? Would the child's age play a role? if the parent was a full-time or part-time caregiver?
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #2  January 25,2012, 10:34am
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no, and I hate myself for it but I just don't have the energy. Honestly, single moms are dealbreakers anyway so it doesn't matter what issues may be affecting the child.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #3  January 25,2012, 10:43am
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Thanks for your honesty. Thought about this as a good topic of discussion.

I'm thinking in terms of men and women. Dating a single dad or a single mom, either with a special needs child.
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is offline EccentricAmbiguity Post #4  January 25,2012, 10:46am
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Absolutely, if I were attracted to someone this would not be a barrier. I would argue typically developing children can often be just as demanding in some cases more demanding.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #5  January 25,2012, 10:48am
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It really depends on her. I have the resources to have a full time caretaker for the child. So, she would have to bring a lot to the table to differentiate herself from others that do not have that issue.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  January 25,2012, 10:50am
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I dated a man with an adult child that was schizophrenic. Not exactly special needs, but a lot of energy and time was devoted to that young adult. Lot of incoming phone calls and dedicated time spent. I found it to be a draining experience for both of us. I would have to like the person a real lot because their time is definitely not their own. My preference would be no but I would not rule it out.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #7  January 25,2012, 10:52am
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tangochef wrote :
It really depends on her. I have the resources to have a full time caretaker for the child. So, she would have to bring a lot to the table to differentiate herself from others that do not have that issue.
well, that isn't exactly what I'm asking. paying for a full time caretaker is like saying you don't mind dating someone with any child because you can afford to hire a nanny.

the parents I know with special needs children wouldn't want to hand over their child's care to someone else. while I'm sure they'd appreciate occasional assistance, they want to be there for their child every time they're with that parent, not just to oversee a full-time caretaker.

so, that said, would you date someone with a special needs child who didn't want to hire a full-time caretaker and who would be doing most of the childcare without extra help on the days they have custody of the child? not someone who would have a full time caregiver to hand the child to when they wanted to vacation or otherwise do something childfree.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #8  January 25,2012, 11:17am
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scully98 wrote :
...

so, that said, would you date someone with a special needs child who didn't want to hire a full-time caretaker and who would be doing most of the childcare without extra help on the days they have custody of the child? ...
Actually, I would not date anyone that could not travel period. So, if someone is sharing custody regardless of child's circumstances then the situation is not going to be compatible with the lifestyle I have in mind.

Next Tuesday, I am leaving the country for seven weeks. If I was married I would have expected my wife to come along including the children, if any. ( I went into how this lifestyle could work in a previous thread I had started, so let's not hash it here).

So, let's assume that she has full custody. If her SOLE focus is the child, and I am an afterthought in her priorities then no I would not date her. Otherwise, I do not see it as an issue assuming it fits in the lifestyle I have in mind.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #9  January 25,2012, 11:30am
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okay, that's what I wanted to know, tango. thanks for clarifying. curious what people's opinions are on the topic.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #10  January 25,2012, 11:40am
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Objectively, I would say no, as relationships are hard enough w/o the added responsibility of a child (who will likely always need care) w/ special needs.

That said, objectively, I also thought I would not date someone w/ more than two children, more than one marriage, among other peripheral qualities, yet I have made exceptions to these 'rules' w/ the right person.
 
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