Reconnecting with previous dates


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Ferguson is offline Ferguson Post #1  January 24,2012, 3:20pm
Ferguson's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2011

Posts: 6

See profile

I dated a gal a few months back and thought she was just fantastic. We went out a few times but after a couple weeks I got the 'there was no spark'. I was pretty bummed, but we parted on good terms and she had some kind things to say the last time we spoke.

I left her alone and figured that I most likely would never speak to her again. By chance, there was something on TV last night that was very unique to a couple of the dates we went on, so I figured I would let her know in case she was interested in trying to find the video for herself. I also knew that I had nothing to lose by sending her a text to let her know about it. I did that and stayed away from any sort of talk about getting back together or thinking about her; I let my note stand on it's own. If she took it as a friendly text and wanted to respond then great. If she was incredibly put off by the text then so-be-it, I knew she would be too polite to tell me to leave her alone and most likely just wouldn't respond.

By some measure of luck she did respond and said she'd have to find the video as well as asking how I had been.

Have people successfully come back from a "break up" (I used that term even though we were never in a full relationship) and if so, how were they able to do so?
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  January 24,2012, 3:39pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

When a girl tells me that she is not interested in me from a romantic standpoint I take that as final. I would never contact someone after they had broken off whatever level of a relationship we had.

And it goes without saying that if I was the one to end it I would have no interest in trying to start something back up.
 
  Reply With Quote
RockyRaccoon83 is offline RockyRaccoon83 Post #3  January 24,2012, 3:52pm
RockyRaccoon8…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2012

Posts: 22

See profile

I'm going to have to agree that if a woman says she's not interested the first time, that's not likely to change. If you're still interested in being friends with her, then go and meet up but if you go in with other expectations, I would be prepared to be disappointed.
 
  Reply With Quote
brokensmile76 is offline brokensmile76 Post #4  January 24,2012, 4:44pm
brokensmile76's Avatar

...the greatest above these things is love.

Enthusiast

Joined: Apr 2011

CA

Posts: 622

See profile

Ferguson wrote :
I dated a gal a few months back and thought she was just fantastic. We went out a few times but after a couple weeks I got the 'there was no spark'. I was pretty bummed, but we parted on good terms and she had some kind things to say the last time we spoke.

I left her alone and figured that I most likely would never speak to her again. By chance, there was something on TV last night that was very unique to a couple of the dates we went on, so I figured I would let her know in case she was interested in trying to find the video for herself. I also knew that I had nothing to lose by sending her a text to let her know about it. I did that and stayed away from any sort of talk about getting back together or thinking about her; I let my note stand on it's own. If she took it as a friendly text and wanted to respond then great. If she was incredibly put off by the text then so-be-it, I knew she would be too polite to tell me to leave her alone and most likely just wouldn't respond.

By some measure of luck she did respond and said she'd have to find the video as well as asking how I had been.

Have people successfully come back from a "break up" (I used that term even though we were never in a full relationship) and if so, how were they able to do so?
She's just being polite because even though there was no spark, she must think you are a nice guy. If you continue to pursue her, I guarantee you will be friend zoned.
 
  Reply With Quote
Jamiewan is offline Jamiewan Post #5  January 24,2012, 5:38pm
Jamiewan's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2011

Posts: 20

See profile

I've felt the same way. I found the best cure for wanting to get back together with someone like that is meeting a new fantastic girl.
 
  Reply With Quote
BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  January 25,2012, 3:41am
BikerBeagle's Avatar

thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

Kansas

Posts: 2,548

See profile

It's bad enough to be put into the friend-zone by a woman when you aren't expecting it ...it's down-right pathetic to knowingly and willingly put yourself there in some fantasized hope that she will change her mind.

You would frankly have better luck if the world would end tomorrow and the two of you would literally be the only 2 people left on the planet ...
 
  Reply With Quote
ForwardUntoDawn is offline ForwardUntoDawn Post #7  January 25,2012, 6:56am
ForwardUntoDa…'s Avatar

The bad guys shouldn't get a monopoly on mad scientists

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2010

NEO

Posts: 477

See profile

At anytime you are dating a women and they say something like "no spark" fallowed by a bunch of nice comments, its game over, there is no recovery from that. I will often tell them to save the "nice guy speech" for someone who cares to hear it and leave. They do not really mean it it just so they do not feel bad about rejecting you.

as for keeping in touch; for women I dated, I tend not to there is no point
 
  Reply With Quote
PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #8  January 25,2012, 10:09am
PG-13's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2012

Posts: 199

See profile

I have a match in my archived section that closed me solely for living with my parents... When I move out and get my own place, assuming I haven't gotten in a long term relationship, I'm planning on asking EHarmony to re-open that match letting her know my circumstances have changed.

However, I agree, in my experience, if you get "friend zoned", theres no going back.
 
  Reply With Quote
scully98 is offline scully98 Post #9  January 25,2012, 10:30am
scully98's Avatar

like a cowgirl!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 3,063

See profile

she's not interested. she was being polite by responding. she has already told you there was no spark. she assumes you sent the text knowing that she wasn't romantically interested in you and she responded in kind.

her text to you simply means that she is being nice. it means nothing more.
 
  Reply With Quote
Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  January 25,2012, 11:07am
Alli824's Avatar

thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2007

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1,262

See profile

I am going to disagree. Sometimes people need to go out with a few others to appreciate the person they passed up. You don't know what's going on in a person's life at that moment. I've dated perfectly nice men but the timing was wrong - I was recovering from another break up, and it didn't matter who presented themselves. I would not have been interested. Several months down the road, I'd run into one of my dates again. This time my head was in a completely different place and that person was a lot more appealing to me. For example, I got matched with a guy I dated 4 years ago. Years later, he was more my cup of tea. In any case, you've given her an opening so if she's interested she'll take it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Timing of dates | Dating | should I call him back? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
six dates and I'm confused starlightbrite Dating 26 January 26,2012 6:21pm
Coffee dates - good or bad? DancingFool Dating 69 October 29,2011 6:59pm
Answering the question: "Why did your previous relationship end?" jayjay Dating 87 November 30,2009 6:33pm
Your Great Dates ? Seneca Dating 10 November 13,2009 7:27pm
Long Periods of Time Between Dates wiccangirl Dating 6 October 26,2009 9:31pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:19am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0