Lingering sadness over poofer?


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pink_tulip is offline pink_tulip Post #11  January 24,2012, 8:43pm
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Maybe you had sex with him too soon???

Obviously he got what he wanted and took off.... I agree he is a rude swine for doing that...
 
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ClaireH is offline ClaireH Post #12  January 25,2012, 1:51pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
If you're having a problem getting past the dwelling on it thing - here's what I do. I write a pro/con list. I am brutally honest about keeping it real. I write everything (that's verifiable by my experience) that was good and everything (again, verifiable by experience) that was bad (or, simply something that would have been unsustainable long-term). In big, bold, black letters on the con side write DISAPPEARED AFTER SEX and IGNORED MY ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE. Read it over and over again until that part gets stuck in your head and you start to be grateful that he showed his true colors early on without wasting too much of your time or energy.

There is always the possiblity that he met with a horrible accident, but of all the times I've thought (and, on rare occasions, wished) this might be so, it only turned out to be the case once.

It's hard not to take things personally. It's very hard to train ourselves not to waste time or energy being angry at people for being what they are. But imagine all the time and energy that he'd have wasted it he'd kept you involved until something else distracted him and imagine all that time and energy now freed up to find someone who'll be more mature and treat you better.

But yeah, people who do this are definitely low and I think it's normal to have some sadness over discovering that about someone.

Good luck.
Great advice!
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #13  January 25,2012, 2:48pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
If you're having a problem getting past the dwelling on it thing - here's what I do. I write a pro/con list. I am brutally honest about keeping it real. I write everything (that's verifiable by my experience) that was good and everything (again, verifiable by experience) that was bad (or, simply something that would have been unsustainable long-term). In big, bold, black letters on the con side write DISAPPEARED AFTER SEX and IGNORED MY ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE. Read it over and over again until that part gets stuck in your head and you start to be grateful that he showed his true colors early on without wasting too much of your time or energy.

There is always the possiblity that he met with a horrible accident, but of all the times I've thought (and, on rare occasions, wished) this might be so, it only turned out to be the case once.
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LOVE!

OP, sparks are great...especially in us mid-agers with kids....but never married bachelors turning into LTR's coming to play house in the burbs with our babies? Not going to happen. Look for a great divorced dad.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #14  January 25,2012, 5:53pm
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KikiAZ wrote :
LOVE!

OP, sparks are great...especially in us mid-agers with kids....but never married bachelors turning into LTR's coming to play house in the burbs with our babies? Not going to happen. Look for a great divorced dad.
This ^^^
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is offline EccentricAmbiguity Post #15  January 25,2012, 9:23pm
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KikiAZ wrote :
LOVE!

OP, sparks are great...especially in us mid-agers with kids....but never married bachelors turning into LTR's coming to play house in the burbs with our babies? Not going to happen. Look for a great divorced dad.
I don't know Kiki..I've tamed a few men in my day.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #16  January 26,2012, 6:33am
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EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
I don't know Kiki..I've tamed a few men in my day.
Right. But YOU'RE interesting. Most of us aren't.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #17  January 26,2012, 6:51am
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OP,
I just think of it this way: sometimes guys really like me and try to set up further dates and I'm just not into it. Maybe they are just not appealing to me or maybe there was something that was a big ol' deal breaker, but whatever the reason, I do not continue on even knowing that they want to. So when this is turned around and someone that I like and would like to continue on with is not interested in continuing on with me, I remember how I feel in the reverse situation and there is minimal pain or disappointment when I look at it that way. It is not a ego thing anymore because it is not a personal rejection of who we are as people, it is only a statement that we are not a fit for one another. And it just makes sense that both people involved would not always feel the same way at the same time. Someone needs to go first.

And I don't think of those people as losers for bowing out in whatever way they chose to bow out. Everyone handles things in a personal manner and I am not willing to decide which of those manners is the only proper way. These are extremely short term encounters we are talking about here and very little in the way of expectations is prudent at this time.
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is offline EccentricAmbiguity Post #18  January 26,2012, 7:11am
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KikiAZ wrote :
Right. But YOU'RE interesting. Most of us aren't.
Haha, touche. My real opinion is that if a good guy with good intentions falls for you the suburbs might suddenly look a little better or an eventual discussion of moving at least closer to the city comes up. I would hate for this guy to be excused for his behavior simply because of him being a bachelor in the city. When in reality hes just an a&$@!$&.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #19  January 26,2012, 7:25am
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This is why he poofed, not because of the timing......and would have with or without sex, sooner or later.

Better to move on to more compatible matches /dates...if lasting past a few sparks is what you are seeking...Good Luck..
4disney wrote :
Our lives couldn't be more different (he was single, never married, lives in NYC) and I have Kids, Pets, an ex-husband, live in the suburbs...
 
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churumbeque is offline churumbeque Post #20  January 26,2012, 8:07am
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pink_tulip wrote :
Maybe you had sex with him too soon???

Obviously he got what he wanted and took off.... I agree he is a rude swine for doing that...
And maybe he didn't think nthe sex was great.
 
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