Was there a time where you could just "tell"....


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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  January 23,2012, 4:58pm
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...they wanted to ask you out?

I was at the laundromat today and had a short conversation with a guy who is relatively new to the area. He was very nice and was trying his best to keep the conversation going. I was in "laundry mode" so it took me a bit to realize that he was doing it for a reason. But, once I did it was hard not to see what was going on.

He only had one small load while I had two and then some extra that needed some stain treatment redone. He headed out the door with a pleasant goodbye and got into his car. However, he didn't leave right away. He sat in his car for a good 10 minutes.

I was loading my basket into the trunk of my car when he was backing out. I didn't have to at that point as I still had some clothes in a washer, but thought I would put myself in a more open position. He pulled into another spot and walked over to me, asking me if I was seeing anyone and would I like to "hang out" sometime. I accepted, he gave me his number and asked for mine.

He was obviously afraid, hesitant, worried or something about broaching the subject. He had to talk himself into it, and I could tell. His interest was very clear to me, but I wonder if he realized that I could tell.

For the men, have you ever been on this side of table, where you can tell there is interest, but they seem to be scared to take that step? What did you do?

Women, have you ever been the one wanting to ask but afraid to do it? Was there "help" from the guy once he figured it out?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #2  January 23,2012, 5:14pm
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I absolutely tried to pick up a guy sitting next to me on an airplane ride. The trip was only about 3 hours long, but I was flirting and laughing the whole time. I helped him complete his puzzle... it was a lot of fun...

until I actually got the nerve to ask him if he were seeing anyone and he told me yes ...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  January 23,2012, 5:48pm
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I am a complete doofus and would not be able to tell interest if it hit me up side the head.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  January 23,2012, 8:37pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I am a complete doofus and would not be able to tell interest if it hit me up side the head.
Gr8Guy,I don't think it could possibly be that bad, could it?

Andie, the short answer to your question is yes, actually.

That's how JediSoth and I ended up together. We had the talk that we were just going to be friends - we met to discuss widowhood stuff and were happy to have met each other since everyone else we met were widow(er)s >60.

We were actually dating via eH when we met, and we shared with each other what we liked and didn't like about how the matching worked. Even though he had indicated he didn't want children, he kept being matched with women with little kids of their own or who wanted kids soon. My matches just baffled me because we'd never have anything in common.

Jedi and I spent a lot of time together, talking about our dating and widowhood experiences. We'd go out at least once a week for sushi, went to lunches, grocery shopping, and he even helped me take some of the pictures I added to my eH profile. Any time we went out we either split the bill or alternated who paid, so it was definitely not dating. LOL

At some point in the process, I became acutely aware that he was interested but was being quite a gentleman in respecting the 'just friends' pact we struck when we first met. And, at some point, I realized I was very attracted to him, too. And, so, one night after sushi,an awesome battle of Scrabble, some spiked hot cocoa and a movie, I let him know I was considering ending the just friends pact by kissing him squarely and purposefully.

We did actually discuss things to make sure he was ok with moving out of the friend zone, and the rest is history. A year after the first kiss we were married.

Andie, glad you picked up on the guy's body language and figured out he was interested. You know, you'll have to let us know how the date turns out, right?
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  January 23,2012, 9:07pm
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tink333 wrote :
Andie, glad you picked up on the guy's body language and figured out he was interested. You know, you'll have to let us know how the date turns out, right?
IF I get a date. We haven't set a day and time, yet. And, yes, you will all read the details.
 
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pink_tulip is offline pink_tulip Post #6  January 23,2012, 10:01pm
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I just asked a guy out by email last week. ... It felt awsome (only because he agreed ...) but yes he gave me strong signals he was interested when first met and actually confessed to not having the guts to ask me out first Out of shyness later on...

:-)
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  January 23,2012, 11:03pm
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I have never been good in these situations. I need something more that seems she was interested too rather than just being polite.

I would be more of the type to have small talk and then try to return and run into her a second time and then talk again....then ask her.


I feel for this guy...I really do....i have been there with the knots in the stomach unsure of looking like a fool and getting embarased.

The times I have been successful with these meetings have been when there have been something to spark a conversation that seems to come nbaturally rather than me pushing and pushing and pushing to keep the conversation going.
 
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ForwardUntoDawn is offline ForwardUntoDawn Post #8  January 24,2012, 6:37am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I am a complete doofus and would not be able to tell interest if it hit me up side the head.
interest has cracked me across the forehead and I have still missed it
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  January 24,2012, 7:53am
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Personally I find that if I'm into him, I'm a lot more aware if the interest is mutual and will definitely go out of my way to make myself approachable. However, if I'm not interested or have already friend zoned him, I can be beyond oblivious to the fact that he might be looking for more. By oblivious, I mean I could trip over a pile of flashing neon signs and still fail to notice.
 
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the_shadow is offline the_shadow Post #10  January 24,2012, 9:05am
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ALL THE TIME
It isn't that I am afraid that I will insult the girl, nor is it that I am afraid that I'll be hit or something like that. Rather, if I like somebody, I want to ensure that I do my best not to screw it up - so I'm going to analyze every little thing first to make sure I am making the best move
TO wit, my ex had to actually kiss me, it took the entire movie, but she told me after "I knew from the first moment you wanted to, and I kept sending you signs, but you just weren't gonna take it." It's just that we are too scared and nervous (but is a sign of a smart guy fyi)

*edit, sorry, from the male side... However, as I sit there analyzing, if the girl is doing the same it ends up simply being two ships which passed in the night.
Last edited by the_shadow; January 24,2012 at 9:08am.
 
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