When is the girl's turn to plan a date?


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havetobeyou is offline havetobeyou Post #1  January 23,2012, 4:02pm
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I have met this guy online and we went out 4 times in the past two weeks. We went out again yesterday, and i enjoyed it. This morning i got his email telling me "i want to see you soon again", so i replied i hope to see you soon... that was this morning, i haven't recevied anything from him the whole day. So this brought me to think, was he indicating that he wants to see me again but i should propose a plan for this time instead of just saying I hope to see him too.. any thoughts?

If I need to plan for next time, what can i do to make this up since i already sent that email just saying " i hope to meet again", shall I send another email today to suggest something?

Thanks for any inputs!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 23,2012, 4:15pm
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I prefer that each meeting is shared planning (input from both sides.)

If that doesn't happen, I expect to see the second planned in full by her.

***

I think it is certainly possible he intended as your presumed. In this case, I would plan a meeting in a reciprocal manner (if he selected meetings based on your stated preferances, and plan one based on his. If he selected based on his tastes, now it's your chance to plan based on yours.)

A second possibility is he wasn't able to make a plan at the time, but will. (Even if this is the case, you do no harm and much good by bringing your 20% to the table.)

As to the faux-pas of letting it get to 20%, I'd ignore that completely and just make the plan (as if it was your idea all along.) Write as if the prior e-mail never even happened.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  January 23,2012, 5:56pm
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I am with D_Lion that there should be input from both people in the planning of date, including the first one. I have no interest in being a dictator (well I do but not in the realm of dating )

As for should you be doing more with planning and asking the guy out, you are way overdue. If my match / date is not stepping up and showing interest by planning dates and asking me out by the third date then I figure that she is not really interested in me, is a gold digger or that she is just using me as a place holder until someone better comes along. I am not interested in any of those scenarios and I would have ended the relationship shortly.
 
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MileHighArtist is offline MileHighArtist Post #4  January 23,2012, 6:32pm
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You must have some common interests, and talk about things you both like so make a suggestion based on that, but look for his input, too.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  January 23,2012, 7:00pm
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havetobeyou wrote :
I have met this guy online and we went out 4 times in the past two weeks.
Everyone has different feelings on this. I typically expect the lady to plan and pay for the second "big" date, which is usually the third date. I like relationships where both partners contribute equally. And I'm a big believer in "you teach people how you expect to be treated". Granted, if the physical stuff's going great or she's contributed in other ways, I may be willing to wait a bit longer. You have to evaluate how important it is to (a) get free meals vs (b) find and keep a good partner and let that be your guide. I was looking for the ladies who were very much into b.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; January 23,2012 at 7:02pm.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #6  January 23,2012, 7:26pm
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There are no "turns". Either a woman or a man can plan any date, or they can be planned jointly.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  January 23,2012, 8:13pm
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nick222 wrote :
There are no "turns". Either a woman or a man can plan any date, or they can be planned jointly.
^^^^This

The days of date planning being solely a guy's thing are long over. It's best if you both can plan together, but you should definitely suggest something you think he might enjoy. Reach out to him. Hope it goes well.
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #8  January 23,2012, 9:51pm
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Next time you text, let him know the next time you go out that it's your treat.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  January 23,2012, 11:21pm
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nick222 wrote :
There are no "turns". Either a woman or a man can plan any date, or they can be planned jointly.

i know I would be doing this if I were him.....if I felt i was the one who was always calling, asking flor the date, suggested everything, and did the dates...at some point I will be wanting her to show interest in me by having her plan a date and be the lead....by her making the effort to call me...for her to show interest in me and not be someone who is just going out with me just because it means free food and something to do.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #10  January 23,2012, 11:25pm
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havetobeyou wrote :
I have met this guy online and we went out 4 times in the past two weeks. We went out again yesterday, and i enjoyed it. This morning i got his email telling me "i want to see you soon again", so i replied i hope to see you soon...

Thanks for any inputs!
also....he gave you a message he was looking for a response from you as suggesting the date and time and what you would do.

a better reply from you would have been...

"I would like to see you too. How about on Saturday afternoon we could go see that new exhibit and the art museum?"
 
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