Dreaded coffee date...suggestions please


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itsabeatutifulday is offline itsabeatutifulday Post #1  January 22,2012, 12:33pm
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I am sure this has happened to others, so I thought I would see how you all handled it. I am not a big fan of coffee dates for 1st meets, seems just too business-like and rarely leads to a second meeting/date.

Well, despite my best efforts to suggest something else, one guy I am meeting this week, prefers to meet for coffee after work. I really hope this goes well. Any suggestions on how to have a successful coffee date? How do you create chemistry and relax over a mocha latte? So much easier over a glass of wine.
Last edited by itsabeatutifulday; January 22,2012 at 12:55pm.
 
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_westendgirl_ is online now _westendgirl_ Post #2  January 22,2012, 12:45pm
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Agreed that meeting for drinks is better. That being said, with coffee dates I think it's very important that it's a venue that has soft lighting, cozy chairs etc. I would not meet at a Starbucks. Is there a small independently owned coffee house in your area? Often these places can be really great for first meetings.

Godo luck!
 
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itsabeatutifulday is offline itsabeatutifulday Post #3  January 22,2012, 12:53pm
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_westendgirl_ wrote :
Agreed that meeting for drinks is better. That being said, with coffee dates I think it's very important that it's a venue that has soft lighting, cozy chairs etc. I would not meet at a Starbucks. Is there a small independently owned coffee house in your area? Often these places can be really great for first meetings.

Godo luck!
Thanks, I totally agree...but he wants to meet at Starbucks . So don't feel like I can suggest anyplace else..now trying to figure out how to make this a success. And wouldn't you know he is the only one I have really been interested in weeks..sigh
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llw11 is offline llw11 Post #4  January 22,2012, 1:33pm
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itsabeatutifulday wrote :
Thanks, I totally agree...but he wants to meet at Starbucks . So don't feel like I can suggest anyplace else..now trying to figure out how to make this a success. And wouldn't you know he is the only one I have really been interested in weeks..sigh
why don't you suggest meeting at a barnes and noble or borders bookstore where there is a coffee shop inside. the books serve as "props"; tons to look at and talk about just in case sitting and talking get bored.
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #5  January 22,2012, 1:55pm
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Well, the guy I liked best of anyone yet I met on a coffee date. And since I haven't enjoyed great success with anyone, no matter where we met, I'm not going to blame the failure of that relationship on the fact that we met over coffee. I would just say to try to keep the focus on him & just kind of zone out on where you are to be best of your ability.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #6  January 22,2012, 3:10pm
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How do you normally create chemistry?

Just reading this, it sounds like you've already all but written this one off. Expect the worst and get the worst.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #7  January 22,2012, 3:22pm
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Chemistry with someone will be there whether it's coffee, drinks, or dinner. Or 7am, 12 or 8pm....

I met my last guy walking my dog each morning at 7am....Believe me...there was PLENTY of chemistry...All this while I was dressed in my baseball cap/shorts working up a sweat walking fast and then holding a bag of doggy poop!...LOL

If you decide to go....go with a great attitude at meeting a new person. Otherwise, if you are already frustrated and feeling negative towards him...it's going to be a bust no matter what...
 
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itsabeatutifulday is offline itsabeatutifulday Post #8  January 22,2012, 3:35pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
Chemistry with someone will be there whether it's coffee, drinks, or dinner. Or 7am, 12 or 8pm....

I met my last guy walking my dog each morning at 7am....Believe me...there was PLENTY of chemistry...All this while I was dressed in my baseball cap/shorts working up a sweat walking fast and then holding a bag of doggy poop!...LOL

If you decide to go....go with a great attitude at meeting a new person. Otherwise, if you are already frustrated and feeling negative towards him...it's going to be a bust no matter what...
I guess I have to disagree on this one. Chemistry isn't always the same. I mean why do we love romantic restaurants, candle light and caution most on the board to avoid coffee dates like the plague?

Maybe its just me...I am at Starbucks so many times for business meetings, guess I just come across as very business like and not sexy and flirty like I do in a happy hour kind of setting. Just have had ZERO luck with coffee dates...never any chemistry, never a second date...zero zilch nada. So I stay away from them at all costs.

(And hey...not fair comparing chemistry you have with guys...something tells me they are smitten with you regardless...you siren )
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #9  January 22,2012, 4:14pm
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itsabeatutifulday wrote :
I guess I have to disagree on this one. Chemistry isn't always the same. I mean why do we love romantic restaurants, candle light and caution most on the board to avoid coffee dates like the plague?

Maybe its just me...I do Starbucks so many times for business meetings, guess I just come across as very business like and not sexy and flirty like I do in a happy hour kind of setting.

Just have had ZERO luck with coffee dates...never any chemistry, never a second date...zero zilch nada. So I stay away from them at all costs.

(And hey...not fair comparing chemistry you have with guys...something tells me they are smitten with you regardless...you siren )
LOL at the last part!!! Thanks...but it truly isn't about me....I feel completely smitten with them as well...That is what chemistry is to me....BOTH people feeling it

To me there is a difference between something 'romantic'....as you are explaining...candlelight dinner, snuggle by the fire...etc...

And chemistry.....Chemistry to me is feeling that physical attraction....those butterflies in my stomach....That to me can be felt anytime....anywhere with a man.. At least it has been that way for me with every man I have dated long term.

Most of them I have first met in random situations....none of those situations could be described as romantic....but I just 'knew' when I met them...I could FEEL the chemistry....

Just like when dating someone...I continue to feel that chemistry any time of day or night.....holding hands walking through Sams club....looking across the room at one another at a boring social function...lol...

So...that's what I mean that if there is something between you two...it should come through no matter what....

But those are just my thoughts and the way it's worked for me....if you can only feel that in romantic settings...then I guess you will have to push for a second date to get to that romantic setting...
 
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i_remember is offline i_remember Post #10  January 22,2012, 4:19pm
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I'd probably lead with the elephant in the room and tell him that you've never had a coffee date lead into a second date. See how he reacts after that ... if he's interested and picks up on it he might very well suggest changing venues or going for a stroll.

I don't see what harm can come from saying this.
 
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