Dreaded coffee date...suggestions please


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #61  January 29,2012, 4:41am
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wait!!!! is he the guy who posted asking about why his 5.5 hour coffee date

Seriously, gut instincts are often right. you felt something off with this guy from the get-go. I've had about 60-plus first dates in the past year and a half and while I can't remember all of them, I think only two were over coffee. One resulted in him texting me the next night to invite me over for a booty call (thankssomuch for the kind offer but nothankyou) and the second never asked me out again. He texted me a bunch, but never asked me out and when I suggested a date he admitted he'd met someone else.

So, I think that sometimes the coffee date is the preference of men who aren't very vested in the whole dating thing. They don't want to give too much time or, potentially, money (if they presume they will be footing the bill) to someone they haven't met yet.

I used do mostly drink or dinner dates, but last fall started doing quite a few lunch dates because that way it didn't interfere with my evening workout schedule. That worked much better. Gave me a set time to spend with a guy, yet there was an activity - lunch - and time for good conversation if it was going to happen. And the cost was relatively low. I met the current guy I'm dating this way. Lunch during the week, segue to a Friday night dinner date the same week. Was perfect.
 
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Bluskies4ever3 is offline Bluskies4ever3 Post #62  January 29,2012, 8:31pm
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My parents' first date was a baseball game at windy candlestick park - although they knew each other since youth. There is a sense among women, myself included, that we are being "ratcheted down" for superficial criteria if a coffee is suggested . So the self-fulfilling prophecy dynamic is introduced by the man and received by the woman.

Magazines sometimes suggest a short brisk walk, stretching, breathing or meditation to put yourself in a happy mood for a first meet. Maybe listen to a romantic song beforehand. A compromise, as another suggested, would be to suggest a coffeehouse with soft lighting and comfortable seating.

Hey, I always liked the song "Sugar Shack," about a cool coffee shop. Maybe the sexy lady the singer is wooing in the song is you?!
 
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