A Second Chance to Make a First Impression?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
PreachersSon is offline PreachersSon Post #1  January 22,2012, 7:57am
PreachersSon's Avatar

Like Ben Franklin, wonders if it is a rising or a setting sun.

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

Oklahoma City, OK

Posts: 1,108

See profile

Okay, let's say you meet someone absolutely wonderful on eHarmony, with all the things you're looking for. You go through GC and OC deliberately, then a couple of phone calls, and you set up a meet. (S)he lives 2 or 3 hours away, so you drive to where (s)he is, meet her, and she is everything she seemed to be--and she's well turned out, if you know what I mean. Then, everything goes wrong.

You take a "shortcut" on the highway, that only looks shorter on the map, so you arrive late. The AC goes out on your car--in Texas, in June-- so you arrive rumpled, crabby, and smelling like you've just driven several hours in a car without AC in a Texas summer. You're also sleep deprived and irritable. Since it's a dinner date, you show up hungry, then she tells you she's already eaten. In your befogged state, you wind up arguing, talking about exes, and wrangling over money (Not even "who pays", but "future money.)".

Things aren't any better on her end, since she is ignoring a family emergency to spend time with you, and is anxious, vulnerable, and preoccupied.

Still, the date lasts untill the wee hours of the morning, and you really 'click.' When you walk her to her car, she seems to be lingering for a kiss--which you don't give her.

In other words, there are the makings of a great relationship, but circumstances conspired to start it with a thud. Is this salvageable, and if so, how?
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  January 22,2012, 8:10am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,305

See profile

All of these are avoidable if you plan organized realistic dates:
Get a GPS..figure out exactly where you're going / include time for traffic.
Keep your vehicle in good repair. Take a fully charged functioning mobile phone.

Get a decent nights sleep, plan lunch or earlier dinners....don't drink so much.
Never talk about exes or money on dates early on.

Get your act together, get serious about dating so shooting yourself in the foot doesn't become a habit and excuse...Good Luck
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #3  January 22,2012, 8:12am
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,418

See profile

If she seemed willing to kiss even though you were coated with dry sweat, the pheremone attraction must be there. You should probably call her to see how she's doing and make another date. Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #4  January 22,2012, 8:45am
Ingytravel's Avatar

Naps are one of life's great joys:)

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 8,164

See profile

Has there been any contact since June?

And I'm a bit confused where you reference going through GC and OC "deliberately"....What else is there?

I would say if she has reached out again since June, then there could possibly be another chance at a date...But if you are just reminiscing about what could have been...and it's been radio silent since then....I don't see another chance.
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  January 22,2012, 9:00am
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,405

See profile

If it was meant to be, the circumstances would not have occurred. Move along to the next one.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  January 22,2012, 9:07am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,679

See profile

Some of the things you mention are those I'd forgive, and give the person another chance.

Which of them would depend on what side of the table I was on, and what effort was made / offered to repair the problem, and by whom.

***

The problem with your post is it is omitting the outcome of this meeting: Was a second meeting proposed? Did she then ignore you and poof? Turn you down? Did you turn her down?

If this happend to me as the male side, I would need to see a reciprocal meeting (her making the same level of effort I did.) I know from prior posts that's not your style, though.

If I was on the female side, I would forgive her arriving in less than a good state due to the car problem, and I would also forgive lateness for getting lost; more than 0.5 hours, and I would see her as rude for not calling me (unless there was a lack of phone signal in the area, and would also forgive forgetting to charge the phone.) These are misfortunes which could happen to anyone.

I'd be less likely to forgive bad conversation topics, since those were choices she made in real time.

Given the distance, and probably compatibility mis-match, I'd be unlikely to bother, in this case.
 
  Reply With Quote
Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  January 22,2012, 9:18am
Alli824's Avatar

thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2007

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1,262

See profile

Things happen but as our Lion says communication is the key. As most of you know, I date primarily long distance, so flights are usually late and things happens why we misconnect. Even my New Years date got off to a late start... my fault completely. The necklace I planned on wearing I found broken and stuffed back into it's pouch - I think cleaning service may have "borrowed and then returned it." As I was crossing the lobby of the hotel to meet my date, my strappy sandals broke. I met him in a strapless dress and bare foot... he drove me home to change shoes - luckily I lived less than ten minutes away. We were an hour late for dinner reservations (on New Year's Eve) and still managed to have a good time... incidentally we are still in touch and in constant communication --- and yes this is the guy in recovery mode from the 4 year relationship. He's making remarkable progress in that area.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  January 22,2012, 9:19am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

Everything in your OP is indicative of someone with poor planning skills.

To go on a trip, be it across town or across the state, without having thoroughly researched the route is foolhardy.

Breakdowns, accidents, road closures and weather can conspire against even the best planned trip. But that is what they make cell phones for.

All of the personality traits of poor planning, poor sleep habits, inability to deal maturely with setbacks are things that you can correct.

If this disaster occurred last night then it may be salvageable. You should call immediately and offer an apology for your tardiness and behavior and ask for a second chance. If you get one make sure that you plan well and know exactly where you are going, how long it will take and then add in extra time for unforeseen problems along the way. Of course in your OP you talk about June in Texas so if this occurred 6 months ago then you should have moved on a long time ago.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  January 22,2012, 9:26am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,679

See profile

Alli824 wrote :
--- and yes this is the guy in recovery mode from the 4 year relationship. He's making remarkable progress in that area.

Yay !!!
 
  Reply With Quote
Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #10  January 22,2012, 10:21am
Ephemera's Avatar

is watching the little sleeping mousies.

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,158

See profile

OP,
I think that I'd give someone another chance even if six months or more had gone by if he explained that he freaked and apologized and asked if we could begin again. I can be weird as hell myself, if circumstances line up just so and I'm willing to forgive it in others. But you'd need to be pretty balanced for a while as I'd be watching you more closely after all.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« When is the girl's turn to plan a date? | Dating | 40 Year Old Former Preacher trying to begin Dating: Help! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Are disposable relationships ruining your chance at happiness? Diana_P Ask a Dating Expert 125 April 12,2011 8:42pm
Do you make reservations? beccaf87 About You 19 March 25,2011 9:08pm
How do I make the timing right? Happyinlove Dating 7 January 16,2011 7:53pm
Make ‘em and break ‘em? Diana_P Philosophy and Dating 1 January 9,2011 6:48pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:12am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0