A Second Chance to Make a First Impression?

You have an interesting perspective, Beagle, and you might be right that we were both trying to put our best foot forward. She did; I didn't. But it was in no way forced, or a denial of reality. The chemistry was there.

I don't expect you to believe me, but I have done the fantasy thing, and I have seen it when it's real, and this was the second one.

Thanks to those who commented. For what it's worth, it's been a useful exercise, but I think we're getting into territory where the same people are going to be repeating the same or similar arguments, and to answer them, I'd have to get into areas I'd just as soon not discuss on a public forum. So that won't really be productive.

I do agree that some of the best dates/relationships are those in which you can have "heavy duty" discussions, and still come out on each other's good side. In fact, it's one of the things I look for in a woman--one who can hold her own in an area where we disagree, without becoming personal or ugly, or playing hurt when things get rough (verbally, not physically). Of course, we have to have some basic commonalities, in order to make the disagreements work, but that goes without saying. I'm not dating anyone who disagrees with me about everything. What's the fun in that?

The key is...if it was 'real' for you both...then it would have worked where you all went out again...and again....etc. It sounds like there was chemistry on your end but not hers. It happens...

I'm like others in that I don't see what you are exactly trying to figure out from something that happened over 6 months ago....Have you not gone out on any dates since then?

If there is true chemistry on both sides...and both people feel it's a match...believe me...none of the small stuff matters...and it would have worked out and you all would be in a relationship today.

So it's a mistake to think that it was any of the things that went wrong that is the cause of why it didn't work out. It just wasn't a match...

I hear what you are trying to say, Ingy. I just don't necessarily agree. I believe that, especially early on in a relationship, chemistry is very fragile, and the slightest thing can dampen the spark, or put things on a course where, even if you both feel it, it can be impossible to make it work. And we did try--and I do mean we.

I don't necessarily subscribe to the maxim, "If it's meant to be, it will be, and nothing you do will make any difference." I tend to prefer the one articulated in "Anne of Green Gables": "What is to be, will be. And what isn't to be sometimes happens." Otherwise, you're abdicating free will in favor of the will of God, or "fate" or "destiny" or "serendipity." We are responsible for our own actions, and our actions have consequences. Sometimes, those consequences are that what should be, isn't, and we just have to live with that, try to learn from it, and not make the same mistake the next time (It was also said in Anne of Green Gables, "That's the one good thing about me. I never do the same wrong thing twice." Would that we were all so lucky.) That's what I am after here--not "fixing" this particular relationship, but handling it better if it comes up in the next relationship.