how to smooth over miscommunication?


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roskim11 is offline roskim11 Post #1  January 22,2012, 5:38am
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Been dating someone new for about a month. Had our first "miscommunication". The details are we talked the day before about getting together one day over the weekend. He worked all day one of those days and initially said would play it by ear and call when he got home. Later during a text conversation the night before he said "see you tomorrow" which I took for...see you tomorrow! Long story short, he texted me during the day, saying he would touch base when he got home, which turned out to be after 9. I put off other plans and was hurt and disappointed when, at 10:15 pm he texted and said he was calling it a night and would call me tomorrow?

Of course, I picked up the phone and made the call saying I was disapointed and that our wires must have crossed during our text messages earlier in the day? Not sure how I feel. Im certain he got the tone in my voice, but aware this was half my fault too.

How do I smooth this over so it doesn't place a thorn in this? Really like this guy, and don't want this to ruin things
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #2  January 22,2012, 6:10am
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roskim11 wrote :
Owning my part of this miscommuncation, how can I smooth this out so it doesn't thrown a chink into this developing relationship? Really like this guy and don't want this to ruin anything
Quit substituting texting for real communication.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  January 22,2012, 6:18am
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I am not sure why you would want to continue dating someone who won't step up and make an actual date
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; January 22,2012 at 6:18am. Reason: Typo
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #4  January 22,2012, 6:27am
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Its great that you recognize it was just a miscommunication and accept your part in that. The greatest error lies in not actually speaking on the phone prior to rearranging your plans.

It sounds like he did not make a firm commitment to spend time with you and stand you up, you accepted the sort of "see how it goes" concept. So, don't make him feel badly or responsible for disappointing you. The best approach is to not make any more mention of it, keep the positive communications going and make a a note to self to talk on the phone prior to a misunderstanding rather than afterwards in the future.
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #5  January 22,2012, 6:33am
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BTDT! The next time have definite plans in place (day and time) so there is no waiting around to hear from him.
 
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roskim11 is offline roskim11 Post #6  January 22,2012, 6:33am
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Maybe I wasn't clear. We HAVE had "actual dates". There was miscommunication, on both our parts, I believe. Should mention we did have a plan to meet for dinner "Sunday" night, but when he said 'see you tomorrow" on Friday, I took that we would meet Saturday INSTEAD of Sunday. In hindsight this morning, it seems like a legitimate error of the dreaded text messaging. Feel like I have to SAY something as I don't want it to appear like an over reaction, but simply that I misunderstood, and we both should have clarified.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  January 22,2012, 6:44am
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Shooting off texts, busy multitasking and distracted leads to this. He may have intended the text for someone he had an appointment with the next day....Who knows?

Set a better precedent by making firm plans with a two way phone conversation, not last minutes "changes" via wrong /mindless text messages..Good Luck...
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #8  January 22,2012, 6:46am
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It's all good. I'm just saying don't let him make it a habit of making "maybe" plans or saying "I'll see you tomorrow" when in fact he didn't see you tomorrow.
 
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Just me again is offline Just me again Post #9  January 22,2012, 7:13am
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How about a phone call and not a text! Get to the point and if he's a flake, delete him! On the phone you can settle the .entire subject in five minutes................move on
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  January 22,2012, 9:23am
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Yet another good reason to never put off other plans for a possible date. Continue on with your life, and please just pick up the phone now and call the man. You've said your piece no need to address the issue again or you will come across as nagging and shrill.
 
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