Meet again or move on?


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M1ch is offline M1ch Post #1  January 21,2012, 10:22am
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I went out with this guy on Monday. I didn't expect too much because he would take 4 to 5 days to respond to my email. So it didn't sound like he was too serious about meeting up or chatting with me. However, just when I'd be on the brink of giving up hearing from him, he'd email me. Before we met, I didn't have any expectation because our email correspondance was short and to the point and he doesn't seem to like or to be used to being asked questions about himself. So most of it was hi, how are you?, what are you up to this weekend? - those sort of questions. To my surprise, he is really nice in person and we went for drinks and had a nice time and he gave me a hug at the end.

I emailed him saying thank you for the nice evening and he emailed me back saying the same and then I replied wishing him a great week at the office. This was on Tuesday. Since then I haven't heard anything from him.

The one thing that struck me when I got home was that I had a great time. But I didn't fell any chemistry... like zero chemistry. I also realized he hadn't asked for my number and it didn't even cross my mind till I was getting to bed. All the guys I have met from EH have given me their number before the date or during the date.

He does come across as more cautious - he didn't want to seem to give out too much info about himself over email. However, he was the one who gave me his email address to write to him when we were communicating on EH. He did tell me a lot more about himself in person and was more open. I was a little surprised at how nice he was because he seemed more distant online. It is hard to read between the lines online though.

I am still unsure if I am interested in him. He seems like a nice guy, we have nice rapport. I am not sure if I feel like this because I had no expectations going into the date or because there just was no physical attraction. He is not the flirtatious, come on strong kind of guy and I adapt to my enivironment. I am more of an extrovert and he seems more reserved.

Should I email him and ask him if he wants to meet again? Last weekend, he replied to me regularly while we were coordiating where to meet. I felt that during our date on Monday, there was a connection but no chemistry. IT was like the main focus was trying to get to know each other.

Either he will say no he is not interested or yes, sure. I think he is a place in his life where is job is his number one priority. So it is not really that he is not following up in a timely way because he was not interested but more so he is busy and will get back to me when he can.

Should I hit Close and move on?
 
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RockyRaccoon83 is offline RockyRaccoon83 Post #2  January 21,2012, 11:47am
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Sounds like he didn't feel it with you, so you should move on.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #3  January 21,2012, 12:05pm
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I usually have a 3 date rule, sometimes there is not spark right away, but it sounds like a mutual luke warm meeting, so move on.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #4  January 21,2012, 12:06pm
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if he was interested he would have responded to your text on Tuesday.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  January 21,2012, 12:13pm
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I disagree with Rocky.

I am having a hard time reading your OP AND the guy.:
1) He is very reserved online but is more open in person - this may just mean that he doesn't like to communicate electronically. Or it could any number of things, he is paranoid about e-mail, he has something to hide, he is new to online dating and is unsure about it all, etc.
2) He did not give you his phone number - this could be that he forgot that he has not shared that with you. Or it could be he does not like to talk on the phone, that he talks on the phone all day for work and the last thing he wants to do is talk on the phone socially for idle chit chat, etc. Did you offer him your number? Did you ask him for his number?
3) You felt no instant "chemistry". For 99.9% of the women (maybe men work this way too, I don't) if there is not any fireworks in the first 15 seconds of meeting then they have decided there won't be a second date, period.
 
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M1ch is offline M1ch Post #6  January 21,2012, 12:45pm
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No I don't offer guys my number until I meet them in person. I would have offered my number in person if he had asked for it - he didn't and it only crossed my mind that he hadn't when i got home. His emails are usually short and to the point and I keep mine as the same. I know he has a very busy job which requires long work hours inside and outside the office. My sense is he is not big on social emails and hence, he takes his time to reply - like usually 5, 6 days.

I don't know where you read that stat about 99.9% of women and online dating but I find it hard to feel instant chemistry with a guy I have met online - by the time we meet, I have had plenty of time to reflect about him and prepare ahead of meetng to feel an "instant" click when we first say hello. Maybe I am different. ;-)
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  January 21,2012, 1:45pm
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If you found the person unattractive - or don't like the implications of a busy person - then giving up now will spare you from the possibility of wasting your time.

If you have no other hot prospects, I would meet again. I think a quiet, reserved sort of person could jest be nerves, out of practice, or the newness of a first meeting.

I would include a specific proposal in my message, though; make him react to a day and time.
 
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Christine_ is offline Christine_ Post #8  January 21,2012, 7:05pm
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Don't follow up with another email. If you're a fan of "Sex in the City", this is a "he's just not that into me" moment. If he is interested, he will ask you for another date soon after the first meeting. He's not waiting for you to suggest it.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. Don't try to analyze why he's not interested. You'll never know, and it may not be about you at all. Just move on.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  January 21,2012, 7:23pm
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Out here in the real world, where even the 99% are smarter than "Sex in the City", women who don't initiate dates are like watching a nine inch black and white TV.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #10  January 21,2012, 7:31pm
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The guy might be legitimately busy but if he was interested he would have your phone number by now and he'd be in more regular contact.
 
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