I think a breakup is the next step


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
psgcooldog is online now psgcooldog Post #21  January 19,2012, 3:50pm
psgcooldog's Avatar

dreams of a place called home ...

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2010

Kenton, DE

Posts: 1,296

See profile

SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
"he said that I might be right. and that he doesn't want me to feel like I'm wasting my time and do I want to break up with him."
- that sounds like he's putting the decision making on you because he's unsure of himself and indecisive?
That's not indecisive, that's called "not giving a damn".
 
  Reply With Quote
scully98 is offline scully98 Post #22  January 19,2012, 4:06pm
scully98's Avatar

like a cowgirl!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 3,063

See profile

my gut instinct here is telling me he's just not going to change. at least not for me. maybe a few girls down the road once he's experienced more post divorce dating.

I do find it ironic that he told me he'd like me to tell him when something he does or doesn't do bothers me, and I do (saying I didn't like that I didn't feel like I know him very well) and his response led me to realize I probably need to end it. so much for talking things out!!

I will see him on Saturday night. he thinks it's a regular date but I think we should talk over dinner instead. about what we want and what we need. I highly suspect the answers will lead to the demise of our relationship because, at the very least, he needs to remove his online dating profile and I know he won't.
 
  Reply With Quote
dmi is online now dmi Post #23  January 19,2012, 4:12pm
dmi's Avatar

dreams of Pyramids and Empires

Power Poster

Joined: May 2010

East Coast

Posts: 5,791

See profile



Have a cookie, it'll make you feel better.
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #24  January 19,2012, 4:20pm
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,908

See profile

psgcooldog wrote :
That's not indecisive, that's called "not giving a damn".
Agree with this. Your BF has found a nice way of saying this.

Two things struck me as reasons to end: the comment about not wanting you to feel like you're wasting your time (IOW, he plans to, but now he doesn't have to feel guilty because you were warned and opted to stay anyway). The second was remaining active on Match. He's telling you that he values a relationship with you at less than a couple of hundred bucks or whatever 6 months on Match costs. I would walk away for those reasons.

The other stuff--not meeting his family, not hanging with his friends--is very typical at 2 1/2 months even when you're spending most of the week together. As long as most weekends are spent with you, I'd be OK with that. Six months in I'd be concerned, but not at less than three months.

Sorry this happened. I was rooting for it to work out.
 
  Reply With Quote
Emmyjoy is offline Emmyjoy Post #25  January 19,2012, 4:54pm
Emmyjoy's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2011

Posts: 84

See profile

From your posts, I believe we have a lot in common in our dating practices. I too, am the product of a troubled marriage with an even more troubled ex. And it has given me the m.o. in dating to throw myself into relationships and then "duck and run." Yes, people don't intrinsically change... but what you're talking about here is not a fundamental personality flaw, more of an approach to commitment. He may not be there yet. That doesn't mean that it won't happen. 2.5 months is not a lot of time for people (especially men who are a year post divorce) to ground their feelings in something substantial.

I would have a frank discussion with him on your date. Lay it out there. Tell him what your want and that as a single mom, you don't have time to waste on casual dating. If he's willing to work towards a commitment with you, then you may want to consider giving it some more time. Just a suggestion!
 
  Reply With Quote
melvimbe is online now melvimbe Post #26  January 19,2012, 5:32pm
melvimbe's Avatar

Looking forward to more sun

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2010

Houston, TX

Posts: 470

See profile

scully98 wrote :
he said that I might be right. and that he doesn't want me to feel like I'm wasting my time and do I want to break up with him.
I think of two reasons to respond this way. One, he wants to end it and is hoping you do the breaking up so that he doesn't have to...cuz breaking someone's heart sucks. Two, he does want to keep dating, and maybe take it more serious in time, but he can see you want more and he doesn't have it in him to do what it takes to make you stay.

I would say that if you don't think you want to go at his pace, then end it. If you think you can hang for awhile, then tell him you're ok with the way things are...and look at his reaction. If he is hoping you'll break up with him, you'll see it in his face.

I was in pretty close to his position last year. After dating someone for 6 months, I just wasn't falling for her, and we both knew it. She was willing to wait, but I could pretty much tell I wasn't going to start falling, so I had to end it before she got hurt further. I miss her sometimes, but I still feel that I wouldn't fall for her...wish it were otherwise.
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #27  January 19,2012, 5:47pm
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,423

See profile

Sounds like this guy is still shopping around and now hes' looking for a reason to get out. He's had fun with you but now he wants out but doesn't wanna get "dirty" in the process...so he's letting YOU break up with him.
 
  Reply With Quote
i_remember is offline i_remember Post #28  January 19,2012, 5:49pm
i_remember's Avatar

2012's Resolution: This will be the year.

Pacesetter

Joined: Oct 2011

East Coast

Posts: 395

See profile

Scully, I wish you well in the coming days. I hope everything works out for the best.
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #29  January 19,2012, 7:02pm
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,908

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
Sounds like this guy is still shopping around and now hes' looking for a reason to get out. He's had fun with you but now he wants out but doesn't wanna get "dirty" in the process...so he's letting YOU break up with him.
Unfortunately, I suspect this is what prompted the tell me when you don't like something that I do comment.
 
  Reply With Quote
brokensmile76 is offline brokensmile76 Post #30  January 19,2012, 7:25pm
brokensmile76's Avatar

...the greatest above these things is love.

Enthusiast

Joined: Apr 2011

CA

Posts: 622

See profile

psgcooldog wrote :
See above. This is not a man that's terribly interested in keeping you.

Sorry. The rest is just supporting evidence --- what's in red is truly dispositive.
I agree. If a man is quick to dismiss the relationship either by him suggesting a break-up or by pinning it on you to break-up with him, he is showing he has nothing invested in the relationship and could leave it quickly without a second thought. Ouch!

I'm sorry scully. Life totally sucks sometimes but things will get better.
Last edited by brokensmile76; January 19,2012 at 7:28pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« No second dates? | Dating | Big Mistake »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Ladies, your advice on this breakup, please JEGG Relationships 29 May 5,2011 7:32pm
Breakup Talk: Do you really talk/discuss or it's just a notification? windsurfing Ask a Dating Expert 39 September 13,2010 7:17pm
Coping with a breakup with medication voteoften Relationships 47 July 20,2010 5:03pm
Confession at breakup windsurfing Ask a Dating Expert 24 July 17,2010 11:39pm
ongoing confusion - should I initiate the next step? three_eyes Dating 16 October 20,2009 10:36pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:05am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0