jme21 is offline jme21 Post #11  January 19,2012, 2:10pm
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shiver wrote :
I guess my question is how do I bring this up without looking like I'm trying to provoke a reaction from him?
Why wouldn't you want a reaction? You're going to know where you stand and that should be what you want.
 
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shiver is offline shiver Post #12  January 19,2012, 2:35pm
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jme21 wrote :
Why wouldn't you want a reaction? You're going to know where you stand and that should be what you want.
Because it's passive aggressive, which is not my intention. If I really wanted a "reaction", I should just ask him flat out. I feel I have done that and got a bunch of excuses. I'm not looking for more excuses, I'm looking to get some closure.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #13  January 19,2012, 2:54pm
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Agree with other posters that he is just not that into you, and you should just move on rather than wasting your time and energy on a dead end.

It's very interesting that he uses workplace policy as an excuse to not date you, but then flaunts the relationship and even plays up the perception of a romantic "thing" with you (giving you his drink, for example). I think Melvimbe is on to something. His behavior is a nice way to limit people prying into his personal life, trying to set him up with their female cousin/neighbor/friend, etc. He also doesn't get questioned or pestered when he doesn't bring a date to company events and parties. Why of course in their minds, he has to contend with your feelings so it makes sense that he didn't. How selfless! What a nice guy! If he's in the closet, and not eager to come out, this relationship charade provides the perfect cover at work...and with his buddies that he had you meet. Most guys don't start introducing you to their friends and family until you are a committed couple. He's actively sending smoke signals from the front door and noisily pointing these out to everyone, while the real fire is billowing out the back unnoticed.

Whatever the reason for his disinterest, there will be no closure! Stop wasting your time and just move on. Time is one of those things you never get back.
Last edited by emma_hazards; January 19,2012 at 2:57pm.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #14  January 19,2012, 2:58pm
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I think you're feeding into his game. If you think this guy is worthy of you tell him with some certainty that you are moving on. You have given this enough time, and clearly he and you are not of the same mind so you will be dating others. Enough Said! If he is interested he will step up, and if not, do you really want to date a wuss?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #15  January 20,2012, 7:16am
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NEVER, EVER date someone that you work with. The reasons are clearly evident in your OP.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #16  January 20,2012, 6:20pm
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I stopped reading at "Our conversations at work have been more flirty"

Your conversations at work should never be flirty. EVER. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone whom I worked with (we were in different department and different divisions of an office but still disclosed things even though we didn't have to) We never sat together at group meetings, we never flirted during work hours and I can only think of a handfull of times where we ever brought each other lunch or something like that. We were of course, each other's dates to the company xmas party but thats it.

As far as "Adam" goes, you should probably just be honest with him that you're interested in seeing other people and due to the dynamic and you and him working in the same place that it would probably not be best. If you and him are flirting around your co-workers and your boss this is a recipe for DISASTER
 
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