Asked to formal dinner event after one date?


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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #1  January 18,2012, 4:42pm
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I am just getting back to dating after a 3 year break. I have dated on and off, when someone had asked me out, but really spent the last year completely alone to heal from my divorce. I am finally in a place where I am ready and open to love.


I met someone this week, we have spoken for a few hours, had a great date and now he is asking me to an event and offered to buy me a new dress to wear, because he did not want me to have the expense, as it is a last minute request to a formal even. At first glance it seems sweet, but on the other hand, he does not know me well.

While the conversation was easy, on one hand it is just a night out, on the other, I need to pace this and get to know him, and see if it something I want to pursue further, which only comes in time. Thoughts?
Last edited by smileygirl; January 21,2012 at 12:01pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  January 18,2012, 4:53pm
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For me (who can handle anything) I'd tend toward the attitude "Yes, if at all possible."

Thing is, that the timing of the event is (surely) unplanned (by him), and the event is (presumably) important. Inviting my new partner is exactly what I would do (since the partners I choose can manage this.)

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From the tone of your OP, I don't know that it's wise, though.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #3  January 18,2012, 5:04pm
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Being asked last minute, I understand to an already planned event -
Last edited by smileygirl; January 18,2012 at 5:33pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  January 18,2012, 5:24pm
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The thing is, in two posts now, you have shown no sign of wanting to go.

That's why you shouldn't go, and that's why he shouldn't have invited you - and that's also why this "relationship" is dead on the vine.

Sorry.

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The cost of the dress, if moderate, is not meaningful.

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I'd tend to favor accepting, but I think it's best to accept such an invitation only when you know the event itself is one you'd enjoy.
 
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i_remember is offline i_remember Post #5  January 18,2012, 5:28pm
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He was probably offering to buy the dress so you couldn't come up with the excuse, "I would but I have nothing to wear."

Me? I'd only offer something like this (presuming it's a work thing) to someone I felt a very geniune connection with. The guy is probably into you else he wouldn't have brought it up.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #6  January 18,2012, 5:31pm
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If you don't genuinely want to go, don't go - you will be miserable and he will know it.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  January 18,2012, 5:39pm
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smileygirl wrote :
I am just getting back to dating after a 3 year break. I have dated on and off, when someone had asked me out, but really spent the last year completely alone to heal from my divorce. I am finally in a place where I am ready and open to love.

I have had a few dates, where there was no chemistry or the red flags were glaring.

I met someone this week, we have spoken for a few hours, had a great lunch date and now he is asking me to a formal event. Because he is asking so last minute, he offered to buy me something to wear - at first glance it seems sweet, but on the other hand, he does not know me well.

While the conversation was easy, the kiss great, I suddenly had that panick feeling that he would ask me to do something so formal so fast....on one hand it is just a night out, on the other, I need to pace this and get to know him, and see if it something I want to pursue further, which only comes in time. Thoughts?
So don't go if you feel uncomfortable...but, you should tell him why. If he digs you, he'll understand.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #8  January 18,2012, 5:44pm
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Thanks for the reactions..I appreciate it...
Last edited by smileygirl; January 18,2012 at 5:48pm.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 18,2012, 6:07pm
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I'm not sure why the hesitation. Perhaps I missed the original post. I've had this happen on more than one occasion and I take it for what it is. The person needs a date and chooses someone they are confident will not embarrass them and has the social skills to pull it off. It's a tremendous compliment. No one is going to ask a person to a formal event if they have doubt they're unable to handle themselves. Unless I've missed something, the only expectation should be for you to be a gracious date. He obviously wants to impress someone. Now if you don't like the guy that's an entirely different matter.
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #10  January 18,2012, 10:41pm
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Me? I'd go.
 
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