Asked to formal dinner event after one date?


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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #21  January 20,2012, 6:47am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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I guess I am just not getting the whole point in this thread. I would never invite someone to an event, be it formal at the theater, work related or family event, unless I was pretty confident that they won't "embarrass" me. If appropriate attire is going to be an important part of attending the event then I would have determined by the end of the first date whether my match had the appropriate fashion sense.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #22  January 21,2012, 8:20am
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Last edited by smileygirl; January 22,2012 at 6:32am.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #23  January 21,2012, 10:26am
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So the follow up to the thread is that this is not working out, but for other reasons. We are both 40's, divorced with kids. It is our mutual weekend to have our kids. When he asked, I said, my former husband was looking to switch weekends, so it MAY work out that I am available, but would confirm as soon as possible. As it turned out, my former husband could not switch his schedule due to a work commitment he was trying to rearrange to celebrate his birthday - so I politely declinded the offer for the business dinner, but let him know I would be interested in going out again when we were kid free. It was followed up by an offer to hire a sitter for me. Well, we met on line Sunday, had lunch on Wednesday and while I wanted to see him for a second date, I am not inclined to give up my time with my daughter so easily for someone I just met - unless she happens to be with her other parent. I have plenty of free time and was looking for a follow up date when are both free. That was followed by an offer to come over last night after she went to sleep, which I declined becaue I don't really know him yet. . I don't play games, but, slow and steady, building up to see if we like each other, works better for me.
 
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Christine_ is offline Christine_ Post #24  January 21,2012, 7:14pm
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It seems like he'd like to have a date for this formal event, and he'd be proud to have you as his date. Personally, I'd feel flattered. Unless you have major uncertainties about your interest in him, go for it!

Yes, it's a bit awkward that the timing is so soon after you first met, but that's not under his control. The event is already scheduled, and he wants to take you!!

I can also understand that it could creep you out that he wants to buy you a dress, etc. He was probably dreading going to this without a date, but if you still feel creepy about it, then trust your instincts and pass.
 
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jme21 is offline jme21 Post #25  January 21,2012, 7:29pm
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You don't seem to take dating serious at all, so you're going to attract the same type of people and push away the ones who are serious. You say you don't play games but you have an excuse for everything and you seem to psycho analyze every situation. Some people DO take dating serious, as in, they're legitimately interested in spending time with someone since that IS how you get to know people. You seem to have very specific ideals as far as dating goes and I'd recommend you put that in your profile because not a lot of guys who are serious about dating are going to have the patience to date you at a snails pace.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #26  January 22,2012, 7:08am
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JME, I just got back into dating two weeks ago, turning my profile back on, after taking time off to continue to heal from a divorce and deal with family matters and losing a parent during the holidays, so not sure who / what I am attracting, yet, I have not been out there dating until this week. I don't know how old you are, but I take dating very seriously, and not snails pace, but I don't rush in either, re-arranging my entire life or the life of my kids after one lunch meeting. I had already said I would go to the dinner if my daughter went with her dad, but that just did not work out. I have a great custody schedule, with lots of free time, and that is the time I set aside for dating, until it is a relationship. I was willing to see him the entire next weekend, and have a second date. I think on the surface asking me to the event or offering to buy the dress really seemed sweet, but there was something else not sitting right. Over the next two days talkiing to him, he was bad mouthing the ex wife, telling me she is on meds and crazy, along with non-stop texts (I mean every 15 minutes during the work day, I had to tell him I was in meetings, more than once)...all signs were indicating that it was not just that he was into me, but pushing way too hard and could not take no, I have my daughter this weekend for an answer, he kept asking over and over, different ways to see me this weekend - when I already cleared next weekend for him (it was more than just the business dinner he was starting to push). Ask one time fine, but asking over and over, coming up with new ideas after I made it clear I have my daughter this weekend, is a red flag. That is not snails pace or game. That is life experience telling me that the bad feeling I was getting = follow your instincts.
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #27  January 22,2012, 3:22pm
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I think him offering to pay for a 'sitter' for you was inappropriate.

You, I think, offered another available date when you were child free and he should have accepted that offer if he's available or negotiate when you are both free. To offer to pay for a sitter is far to assuming on his part that you would pick him over time with your daughter.

As for someone bad mouthing an ex. That for me would be the deal breaker.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #28  January 22,2012, 4:18pm
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Thanks Steve, offering to pay for the sitter felt inappropriate, as did offering to come over to my house after my daughter went to sleep, as did offering to buy me a dress (I am professional, well dressed and have been to enough events, that a little black dress is a staple) I did not post every little thing he did after I found out my former husband could not switch nights, but he even asked if anyone in my family could watch her so I could go to the event too (I have two older adult aged kids, one at school and one had a commitment she could not break) and my father just passed away, so asking my mom right now was good either. I actually explained all this to him, then came the offer to pay for a sitter. My OP seemed like I was making a big deal out of nothing (and I would agree with all the other comments, just go to dinner and enjoy it), but as each day progressed, that feeling that he was moving too fast was confirmed.
 
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