Emmyjoy is offline Emmyjoy Post #1  January 14,2012, 6:28pm
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I've been seeing a great guy for about 6 weeks now. Things are great when we are together...we have really long 6-7 hour dates and talk about everything. I feel like we are really getting to know one another. It is also important to note that we have talked about being "exclusive" and are intimate.

He calls to set up dates, but otherwise doesn't seem to be much of a communicator between dates. He doesn't call to chit-chat about our days or text. I'm used to some form of daily contact at this point when I'm seeing someone...at least in the form of a "hi, how's your day?" text. I'm not particularly needy, and I'm a busy, professional single mom. So it's not as if I require a lot of maintenance. But, the lack of communication leaves me feeling somewhat insecure, like an afterthought in his bachelor life.

In my experience, I have found that placing expectations and demands on men has not panned out so well. But at some point I do feel that this needs to be addressed. I feel that in order for a relationship to grow, this communication is important. As is a frank discussion on our obvious differences in communication styles.

Any suggestions on how to approach this one?
 
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4disney is offline 4disney Post #2  January 14,2012, 6:36pm
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How frequent are your dates?

I dated a non-caller for a few weeks late last year and I have to admit it was not fun. I always felt as if I was an after-thought and the relationship fizzled. I am 40 and recently divorced (married in '99) so this whole idea of texting/dating is foreign to me.

I agree with previous advice that say once to establish a pattern that is how the relationship is going to play out. I would make it known that when he calls, let him know how much you enjoy talking with him and maybe positive reinforcement will help it along.

I wish I had more advice but having been in similar situations I understand what you're going through.
 
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i_remember is offline i_remember Post #3  January 14,2012, 6:37pm
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Approach it the way that you approached intimacy. When you feel you're ready to bring it up, bring it up.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #4  January 14,2012, 6:42pm
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I have to say that I am not a big personal caller/text person during the work day whatsoever..

I dedicate my entire work day to my job...Maybe I would text a quick note once in awhile...but I would always say that if I did this...I didn't expect anything in return as I know how busy my last guy was. It was just meant to make him smile...And when I travel for my job...I am out from 5am until 11pm in the field and maybe get a small amount of time right before dinner or before bed.

Keep in mind...the 'thinking of you during the day' stuff is much more of a female trait than a guys. (Obviously not all...but just in general)...many guys...even women...don't do just chit chat...

However...it's something that you can very casually, calmly, and kindly bring up next time you are together...

Just a simple..."Hey...I notice our communication styles are very different in between our dates...I was just wondering what your thoughts are on this?...How do you prefer to communicate...(phone, text or email)...and how often do you like to do this in a relationship".

The key is to not be accusatory...or complaining...just say that sometimes you happen to be thinking of him and would like to send a quick text to say hello...and would this be ok for him? Again..explaining about the option to just totally read the message and not feel he has to respond...

Or ask about possibly calling once in awhile in between dates to say goodnight and see how his day went. This way again...you are stating as something fun for him..that you would like to do this because you happen to be thinking of him..

A month and a half is not very long at all in the dating world...so this is where I would let things unfold naturally....Start off by you doing this once in awhile if he is ok with it..and then see if he starts to do this in return as well...

I truly don't think for a lot of people that it has to do with how much you like someone...many people have gotten too used to a cell phone and think it means instant communication...but many people have the type of jobs where this is just not something they do during the day for personal calls.

It can't hurt to bring it up....it's all about the tone and keeping it focused on how you would just like to say hi and hear his voice...
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #5  January 14,2012, 6:44pm
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How often do you see each other? If you're seeing him 3x a week, then I think you're being a little too needy for only 6 weeks in. But if you only see him once a week then your need is reasonable. It will be most effectively communicated if you say that you'd enjoy hearing from him in between dates, either with a few texts or phone calls. You could add that you'd find it easier to get to know him doing this between dates. It is best not to say it is something you need or want or require.

Also, do you text or call him? If you send off a mid day "how is your day going?' text, does he respond to that? If you're not initiating some texts at least, then he might assume that you are adverse to texting or it interrupts your day.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #6  January 14,2012, 8:37pm
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I just addressed this in another thread--

ShapeShifter wrote :
Personally, I take my cue from my girlfriend's texts. She texts me when she wakes up, goes to work, gets home, goes to bed, or any major / interesting things going on. (Gee, that sounds like a ton, but at 5:30pm on Saturday that's only two!) They're often pic heavy. Are you leading by example?

If so, and he's not following your lead, I'd try talking to him. I like to use positive examples rather than nag when possible, just like you do with children in school. "I love it when you share your day with me. It makes me feel so much closer to you." If he won't take a hint, get more serious.
PS - At 9:30pm we've texted over a couple dozen times. lol. That's how it goes sometimes!
 
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suzyque is offline suzyque Post #7  January 14,2012, 9:15pm
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PS - At 9:30pm we've texted over a couple dozen times. lol. That's how it goes sometimes!

Mmmm...specially if they're naughty!

I've been dating my guy awhile now, 1+ years. We will go several days at times without any communication. I know what you mean by feeling like an afterthought. Ya get kinda used to it - which is a bit sad actually because I do think the connection is stronger when you text, speak, more often. Not every guy/gal is a phone talker however. If you are seeing each other regularly and the dates are good - it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't equate the lack of communication with lack of feelings.
 
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Sierra mountain air is offline Sierra mountain air Post #8  January 15,2012, 2:55am

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Emmyjoy wrote :
I've been seeing a great guy for about 6 weeks now. Things are great when we are together...we have really long 6-7 hour dates and talk about everything. I feel like we are really getting to know one another. It is also important to note that we have talked about being "exclusive" and are intimate.

He calls to set up dates, but otherwise doesn't seem to be much of a communicator between dates. He doesn't call to chit-chat about our days or text. I'm used to some form of daily contact at this point when I'm seeing someone...at least in the form of a "hi, how's your day?" text. I'm not particularly needy, and I'm a busy, professional single mom. So it's not as if I require a lot of maintenance. But, the lack of communication leaves me feeling somewhat insecure, like an afterthought in his bachelor life.

In my experience, I have found that placing expectations and demands on men has not panned out so well. But at some point I do feel that this needs to be addressed. I feel that in order for a relationship to grow, this communication is important. As is a frank discussion on our obvious differences in communication styles.

Any suggestions on how to approach this one?
If you actualy BELIEVE that "texting" is a viable way to conduct a relationship, your relationships are guaranteed to be doomed.

"Texting" is absurd.

Telephones are for talking and from what I understand, texting is a feature found on cell telephones. So you can and use telephones for talking.

So speak up. Call.
 
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Emmyjoy is offline Emmyjoy Post #9  January 15,2012, 5:35am
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We see one another about twice a week or so. We both have demanding jobs, and I'm a mom and training to run a marathon, so...that's about all we can squeeze in at the moment. :0

I don't really initiate chit-chat. I suppose I'm afraid of appearing to needy or clingy. When I do call or text him with a question he's always prompt in getting right back to me.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  January 15,2012, 5:43am
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You need to take the lead and call / text when you want. Forget the games, rules and be yourself. If you want to talk once a day or send a couple texts...just do it.

He may want to hear from you....but... assume... like you, you're to busy or not a talker / texter...because you have given him this impression by not calling /texting him...Good Luck..
Emmyjoy wrote :
I don't really initiate chit-chat. I suppose I'm afraid of appearing to needy or clingy. When I do call or text him with a question he's always prompt in getting right back to me.
 
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