NOT meeting the kids... a Dealbreaker?!

I know for myself...if someone asked me.."so...when do you think you will love me?"....I would be feeling very pressured....And this may tie in exactly when he wants you to meet the kids...when he feels it is love. This last part is what you should ask him about whether this is the correlation.

This is very interesting perspective Ingy. No wonder we disagree so much! I appreciate the feedback, and that is why I come here... to understand the different perspectives.

But, let's be clear... I am in no way asking him to tell me when he will love me. Not at all. What I am saying is that this is not the optimal situation, and because we do not get to spend quality time together after 5 months, that we should consider introducing kids even in the absence of his love. Because we NEVER get weekends together, and then I have my kids during the week as well, this greatly limits the time we get to spend together. It's not that I'm trying to give up on something perfect because he's not on my timetable... I am saying, without the ability to spend the quality time together, it is actually not perfect, not that great relationship that I am looking for.

He is great, but spending 2 days a week... for just a couple of hours after work... that's it, and not building into something lasting with such a short amount of time actually being together. I have already compromised for the last two months in not getting the weekends and quality together... I think if he wants this to work, then he has to be creative and willing to give as well. It's not even necessarily about the kids... if we could get the quality time together, then that would suffice... but it would require him to be creative since his schedule is not changing.

He is great, but spending 2 days a week... for just a couple of hours after work... that's it, and not building into something lasting with such a short amount of time actually being together. I have already compromised for the last two months in not getting the weekends and quality together... I think if he wants this to work, then he has to be creative and willing to give as well. It's not even necessarily about the kids... if we could get the quality time together, then that would suffice... but it would require him to be creative since his schedule is not changing.

So you have not had 1 weekend date at all in 5 months of dating?

I would personally see this as a big red flag. It is very, very rare for a custody agreement to be written and signed off by a judge where one parent has every weekend custody. Are you absolutely certain this man is not still married? Do you ever go to his "place"?

Would it be possible for him to get a babysitter or his children so that the two of you could spend a couple Friday or Saturday evenings together a month?

We talked about a babysitter, and he is considering it for one night this weekend... although, he made it clear from the beginning that this is the only time he gets with his kids so he would only want to do it very rarely on special occasions.

What I told him is that with his schedule, and his belief about being "In Love" and ready for marriage basically before he introduces kids... maybe he is not ready to date. He has been divorced for less than a year, but separated for a couple of years so I thought it would be okay.