Does what I've learned in the goldfish hobby apply to online dating?

Goldfish lay lots of eggs! There can be thousands of young produced in a single breeding session. Like dealing with online LTR possibilities; there can be no way to keep/know all of them. What do you do?

The process of selecting which ones to keep and which ones to throw away is called culling. This is sort of like a natural selection, however, since there are no predators to thin the herd, the goldfish keeper must do it for himself. How should you decide which to keep?
With goldfish, you look for characteristics that you want to have in the fish that you wish to keep.

My overseas friend says "..in his country, culling means killing, in America it means moving fish from tank to tank." This does say a lot about us. "Life or death" is a serious business and we tend to be softhearted when we should be fairly rigid in what we require in/of a mate in a long term relationship.

What do members of this board think?

The difference between goldfish and humans in search of their matching significant other is that you acting as "god" over your goldfish determine who stays and who goes. The goldfish themselves have no say in this choice.

You looking for a match / date / mate have a choice to "cull" your matches and you may find one that, in your opinion is oh, so, perfect. However, unlike your goldfish, your match also has the choice to "cull" her matches and she may very well find you to be oh, so, repulsive. The greater rigidity that you place on what your matches must meet decreases your chances of success in dating and in life in general.

Huh

Being 'rigid' about a lot of things is the opposite of what I look for in a man..

I have a few deal breakers...No drugs, no convictions, no smoking, no cheating.....

But I can't see comparing choosing Goldfish to the dating process....but ok...feel free to give us some examples....

Online dating can give this illusion.....but in reality the millions may turn in to a lot communication, some dates, a few relationships....and maybe the one. 95% of the people on dating sites.....do not find more than this... In that regard, your goldfish have better odds

We are not talking about "rigid" as being a characteristic of the individuals you chose to select. We wish to encourage you to be rigid in not selecting those who display your deal breakers.

You are right in being rigid about not wanting the individuals that display your deal breakers. Selecting to consider only those individuals (those who do not display your deal breaker characteristics) is your right.


What my friend is saying about us Americans -is that we are (in general) too kind-hearted. That we give those a chance who should not be getting-that-chance.

I am of the opinion that choosing the potential "one" is very different then choosing goldfish. Sure you have to look for certain characteristics, they need to meet certain criteria, but when you are choosing goldfish, your heart is not involved. Whereas when you are deciding to with a match, a potential partner, your emotions get involved. As males we are pretty visual creatures, or at least I am I should add. The moment you look at the picture, you already know whether you are going to pursue that person or not, and then read the profile. Based on how you started to feel/think about that person initially will play a role on how you percive that person in real life.

So, my take is, it is not culling goldfish ....

And I do not understan the being rigid part ..... A relationship is all about giving and taking and compromises .... it is about trying to make someone you like/love happy ...If you are so rigid with your specs to ruthlessly eliminate potential partners for the smallest thing, how are you going to be when a relationship is established ? I am not saying it to mean that you are ruthless, and have zero tolerance, Just trying to point out that, in my opinion, One needs to be very flexible when looking for a partner. of course not to the point of giving up all of your principles, but, we all change and adjust and bend.

As Ingy mentioned, Drugs, Alcoholosim, Conviction, Cheating, Smoking, Gambling and a few more are a definite elimination for my matches ....

I guess you wanted to learn our take on it, rather then have a specific question, and this is just my opinion .....


Good luck in your search !