Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #1  January 13,2012, 1:23pm
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I've really started putting a lot more effort into dating recently. I'm now getting some momentum and talking to/have plans to see 3-4 women. However, there's one in particular that I like who is giving me the brush off. I've had 2 dates with her. Last Saturday was our 2nd date and I cooked her a fantastic dinner at my place. The conversation was very good and there was an attraction. After dinner we watched a movie. The movie kind of sucked, but not my fault, as she had suggested it. Soon after the movie was over, she left. I did get a very nice kiss goodnight from her, and she told me to call her.

Monday I tried to call her and her voicemail was full. Thats a first, as I don't think thats happened to me before. So I reluctantly texted her (I would much rather ask a woman out on the phone than via text) and said I wanted to get together again this weekend. She said "Yes, lets make plans soon". Seemed ok to me. So I sent a text Wednesday asking if she would be around that night so I could call her. Said she had plans with her Dad (his birthday). So fine. Now my hand has been forced. I replied back, "Would you like to go out Saturday night"? So something like 8 hours later, she responds saying that her girlfriends were planning something and she didn't know what the plan was yet. Red flag to me. Now I'm thinking she's waiting on another guy to call her and I'm 2nd choice. So I respond with "OK, I'll wait to hear back from you". That was Wednesday. Now its Friday and I'm thinking she's not interested. If thats the case, why did she come over to my house for dinner and why did she kiss me at the end of the night? I'm confused. Its bothering me because I want to know what's up, but I'm determined not to over pursue here. I'm not contacting her again until I hear back from her because I feel like I've shown interest and she's clearly blowing me off.

Thoughts?
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #2  January 13,2012, 1:30pm
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Yep...unfortunately not a good sign at all...Especially since many women who are interested will take the lead and plan and pay for the 3rd date...The guy shouldn't have to keep doing everything...

You've already called, texted, asked her out....don't contact her anymore or else it will start to look a bit desperate....You've left the ball in her court to contact you and make plans to go out...

I think it's perfectly normal though that she is going out with others...as are you. So...that's the whole point of the first couple of dates...seeing if someone rises to the top of being the only one they want to date.

Oh well....at this point...I would be just wishing her well and moving on...but if you want to keep her on the back burner...(again...don't contact her)....and just date others and see what happens....that's your choice...
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #3  January 13,2012, 1:36pm
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when she said "yes, let's make plans soon" that was the sign she was blowing you off. she didn't want to set up a specific date at that time. I definitely think she is keeping you on the line in case another guy doesn't work out.

as for the kiss and telling you to call her, well, that happens. I've been on the receiving end of that and it just happens. people do it all the time.
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #4  January 13,2012, 2:08pm
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Yup she is blowing you off. I have been guilty of this. While I'm on the date with the guy, I feel OK about it all and I might kiss him. But then after I get home and life starts back up again I realize I'm just not that into him. I've also been on the other end of this too. It sucks but you are correct to not pursue her anymore.
 
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SearchingHoping is online now SearchingHoping Post #5  January 13,2012, 2:09pm
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The word "soon" is one of those signs that you are not at the top of her list... (in my experience).
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  January 13,2012, 2:28pm
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I've been to people's homes and seen things I did not like, and could not necessarily deal with. I am not saying this is the case, because I don't know you. I am just saying that you get a pretty good idea how someone lives and if it's not in sync with the way you live, that might be the end of things. Nice as the person maybe.

For example, I dated a guy that was OCD - everything in it's place. He was bent out of shape if you even left a book on his kitchen counter... that was enough for me. Likewise there are men who came to my house and were clearly overwhelmed by my collection of knickknacks/artifacts from travel (not clutter.) I do not have an Ethan Allen style home and my taste ranges to eclectic... that was the end of that. This may be about something completely different ... could be as silly as whiskers in the sink. I know of an acquaintance who filed for divorce because she found that off-putting. People are strange.
 
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anabel is offline anabel Post #7  January 13,2012, 3:04pm
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Question? Why do you have to cook for someone on a second date? Isn't that too rushy? A kiss goodbye and thank-you is normal.

If you would like to call her, please go ahead, but don't ask her out, just say hello. Maybe she was saying the truth. And dating few women at the same time sounds confusing to me. Women smell this behavior and try not to get too deep because she knows that you'll keep moving on.
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #8  January 13,2012, 3:09pm
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Yep, I think all you guys are right. The whole "lets make plans soon" thing bothered me. This was the one I was on the fence on to begin with because of her weight, so I guess I shouldn't sweat it. But I felt a connection with her. I need to just start not acting as interested with women because clearly anyone I meet online from a dating site is juggling lots of other guys. I'm just not a serial dater. I may meet several women once or twice, but by the 3rd or 4th date, I've almost always been willing to be exclusive. These days (vs 10+ years ago) its so much harder to even get to the 3rd or 4th date because attractive women are meeting so many guys online.

Alli, I don't think it was my house. Things are neat, but not obsessively so. I have a nice place. It maybe could use a woman's touch, but its sufficient. I get compliments all the time.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #9  January 13,2012, 3:15pm
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Atlguy38 wrote :
If thats the case, why did she come over to my house for dinner and why did she kiss me at the end of the night?
The real question here is 'why is she blowing you off after a dinner and a kiss the other night?'

The answer is "she's not that into you".
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #10  January 13,2012, 3:29pm
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tweet37 wrote :
The real question here is 'why is she blowing you off after a dinner and a kiss the other night?'

The answer is "she's not that into you".
So then the question is, what did I do wrong? She said how great the dinner was and seemed to be enjoying herself. I don't get it at all.
 
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