Can a budding relationship survive THIS?


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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #11  January 13,2012, 12:49am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
I don't get it. Why do you/her believe crying after the death of a parent would be a dealbreaker for most?

Would that be it? Nope.

How would I handle it? I suppose I'd offer my condolences and lend her an ear. Y'know, the usual you do in such cases.
Funny, you should mention this, because the mother of one of my matches died suddenly, too. I offered and ear, and he vanished. He and I had some very fundamental differences, and I'm still surprised that eHA thought we were a match.

She may need time to take care of her father's estate (which can be both time consuming and emotional) in addition to the normal grieving process. Which means that now may not be the right time for her to try to develop a new relationship. Were the relationship already well established, it would be a different scenario because the boyfriend might be a bit more in the picture as moral support.

I agree with DL that she should reach out and propose the next date, so that the guy knows she is ready and available. It's possible he might contact her first, but he may be trying to be a nice guy and give her space.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #12  January 13,2012, 8:02am
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It wouldn't have freaked me out at all. I think anyone can empathize with someone who recently lost a parent. I haven't lost a parent yet but I can imagine that there will be a lot of emotional triggers after the fact. It's not hard to imagine that hearing the word "dad" shortly after your father dies would be such a trigger.

I simply would have offered her a shoulder, an ear, with the understanding that since we don't know each other that well yet I'd understand that if it's too personal for her to talk to me about then that's ok too.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #13  January 13,2012, 8:36am
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I don't understand what the issue is. She got upset about something that I would also get upset about talking about.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #14  January 13,2012, 11:11am
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I would be more prone to shy away from someone who was not emotionally distraught by the situation.

"Wrong time to be dating"? Sorry, rarely is there a "perfect" time for dating, just needs to be upfront about situation (IMO).
 
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anabel is offline anabel Post #15  January 13,2012, 3:30pm
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We all handle grief differently and losing a loved one is quite intense, regardless if it was after a long illness. People want to maintain composture when dating to show mental and emotional stability, but sometimes we can't help it. Maybe for this guy her melt down was synonim of being a needy person. I'm glad that he is out of the picture because he showed himself as heartless and cold. I don't think I would want to have that kind of man in my life.

I lost my mom also, and I was devastated. If it wasn't for the support of my friends, I wouldn't be smiling again now. So relax and tell your friend to say "NEXT!"
 
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Holiday_HH is offline Holiday_HH Post #16  January 13,2012, 3:39pm
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I don't understand what the issue is. She got upset about something that I would also get upset about talking about.
The issue was simply she thought she had "blown it" by having this sudden emotional outburst because she hadn't wanted to disclose it at first. She told me she was feeling awkward because they had only had a few dates and she didn't want to "saddle" him with something so personal when she didn't feel they were on those personal terms yet. She was worked that he would feel That there were expectations placed on him...

As it turns out - he's truly a decent guy. He texted her soon after to see how she was doing, and to set up another date. They've gone on several dates now - so I guess her worries were unfounded.
 
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