inthevagueschemeofthings is offline inthevagueschemeofthings Post #1  January 12,2012, 1:59am
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One of my matches just closed me without explanation. Allow me to start from the beginning.
GC and OC went smoothly with this match. I hit a snag when she didn't respond to my request for her number, but a week later I sent her a cocky/funny email. In it, I said that not having a phone was normally a dealbreaker for me, but that I had nothing to lose by getting to know her; if nothing else, she might turn out to be a nice friend. She promptly emailed me back with her number.
I couldn't reach her, but instead of leaving a boring voice message I told her the following joke: "An honest lawyer and an honorable politician found a $100 bill on the floor. Which of them turned it in?" She called back for the answer, which was Santa Claus. (The other two don't exist.) We had a nice talk, but she wasn't available that weekend and I didn't want to drive into the city on a weeknight. I ended the conversation after a few minutes so as not to seem desperate, and told her I'd get back to her about getting together the following weekend.
The next time I called, she didn't pick up, so I told another joke. "What did the bear say upon entering the McDonald's freezer room? Burger!" She immediately closed me.
Here's my question. Was my mediocre attempt at humor reason enough for her to close me without a courtesy call/text/email explaining her decision?
...Okay, I can see now that I blew it with her. In my defense, I was following the advice of a renowned dating expert. Some of his articles appear on eHarmony's advice section, so I thought he was a reliable source. I actually managed to get the woman's number by using one of his tips. Luckily, I didn't waste a lot of money on his products.
Last edited by inthevagueschemeofthings; January 13,2012 at 9:34am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  January 12,2012, 2:13am
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It sounds like playing games and trying to be "entertaining" or "cocky" just made her give up. Women want to date a guy not call a joke line.
Why don't you just give out your contact info.....and use the phone to communicate about setting up dates?...
I would close someone who jerked me around like this rather than setting up a date........Good Luck...
inthevagueschemeofthings wrote :
One of my matches just closed me without explanation.
I ended the conversation after a few minutes so as not to seem desperate, and told her I'd get back to her about getting together the following weekend.
The next time I called so I told another joke.
 
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itswhatev is offline itswhatev Post #3  January 12,2012, 2:15am
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It doesn't seem like she was that interested from the start. You have to tell a good joke to talk to her? That is stupid. She's not worth your time or your humor. I myself would have closed her after a day without receiving a number.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #4  January 12,2012, 2:22am
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Comedy is all about timing, and ... yours is not so good.

Were you trying to get a date with this woman or test out your stand-up act on her unawares? I don't think jokey messages are a way to get a return call.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #5  January 12,2012, 3:05am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
It sounds like playing games and trying to be "entertaining" or "cocky" just made her give up. Women want to date a guy not call a joke line.
Why don't you just give out your contact info.....and use the phone to communicate about setting up dates?...
I would close someone who jerked me around like this rather than setting up a date........Good Luck...
Agree with this and ISN's post too.

Guys volunteer their phone number if they're interested. They don't insist on getting mine.

Secondly, first phone calls should end naturally, not on some artificial time limit. When a call comes to an abrupt close just as the conversation starts to flow, it will feel like there was zero/little connection to the other person. If I have no connection with you, or I discover red flags or don't feel we might be compatible, I will not date you. I agree to date less than a quarter of the guys I speak with. For me at least, the phone call is a critical screen. I don't time them, but I'd estimate they last an hour on average, and the guy always asks for a date before the call ends! I did have one call that lasted three hours, but we had so much in common it was amazing. Why the multiple phone calls? She's looking for a date, not a phone pal.

Thirdly, most women are looking for a boyfriend, and if she's on eH, something more long-term. No one is looking for an immature jokester, who doesn't know what he wants. Nothing wrong with a sense of humor. I absolutely love a guy who makes me laugh. But there is a time and place for that. Objective #1 is dating, not being a comedian.

We all make mistakes. Try to be a little more focused on the goal next time around. And learn to read the other person's cues rather than depending on "rules."
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #6  January 12,2012, 5:23am
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insertscreenname wrote :
Comedy is all about timing, and ... yours is not so good.

Were you trying to get a date with this woman or test out your stand-up act on her unawares? I don't think jokey messages are a way to get a return call.

But noooo.....he was trying to "demonstrate higher value" by being so funny.

Be honest OP, how many times did you "neg" her in your messages? I hope you ran some good "routines" OP so you don't end up an "average frustrated chump".

Just hit the streets and go "sarging" and make sure you "AMOG" all the other guys around. Give up your "approach anxiety" and just make some "cold approaches" and try to escalate "Kino" asap.

LOL
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #7  January 12,2012, 5:49am
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sounds like you just annoyed her. as I would have been in the same situation. someone who calls with jokes and doesn't leave a real message would greatly annoy me and make me think they were immature. if I had anyone else who interested me in the slightest, I would opt to talk to them instead. and close out the other guy. as she did.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #8  January 12,2012, 6:30am
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There is a huge difference between someone who is funny and someone that tells jokes. Most jokes are boring, or insulting to some group or just plain stupid. Some are funny but only if delivered just so. Perpetual joke tellers are a bit pathetic and embarrassing to be with in public. Attorney jokes may have been funny thirty years ago but we've heard them all and they are just stale now. You know that maxim - know your audience? You don't know her well enough. Her dad might be an attorney, or Santa for all you know. Guys who tell jokes all the time are often inept conversationally and have poor social skills. Not a lot of fun to be around. Not saying that this is you - I don't know you. Just my experience.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #9  January 12,2012, 6:48am
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insertscreenname wrote :
Comedy is all about timing, and ... yours is not so good.

Were you trying to get a date with this woman or test out your stand-up act on her unawares? I don't think jokey messages are a way to get a return call.
Absolutely agree....I certainly wouldn't have returned your phone call and would delete your info and move on...

OP...it sounds like you are hiding some insecurities about yourself with throwing out these jokes in very odd social situations...

Maybe figure out why you feel the need to lead with this when you are attempting to date someone....This is the type of stuff you do with your guy friends...not knowing the difference will turn many women off.
 
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Lucid is offline Lucid Post #10  January 12,2012, 6:56am
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inthevagueschemeofthings wrote :
she might turn out to be a nice friend.
Heres another problem. if you did infact say this to her, then thats another reason to close. Everyone on eH is looking for a relationship, not a friend without the relationship.
If this were false, I'd ask you if you wanted to go for a few beers and check out the game later.
 
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