Activities: well, I used to do that...


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moonette is offline moonette Post #1  January 11,2012, 8:13pm
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The two guys I talked with this week said either 'I tried that' or 'I used to do that but I don't anymore' when talking about some of their profile activities and interests. Both have been online dating for years.
Would I have been interested without the listed activities? One guy, yes. The other, no.
Do you put activities and interests in your profile that you don't regularly do? Why do this? What's the appeal?
Have you had matches that do this?
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #2  January 11,2012, 8:24pm
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moonette wrote :
The two guys I talked with this week said either 'I tried that' or 'I used to do that but I don't anymore' when talking about some of their profile activities and interests. Both have been online dating for years.
Would I have been interested without the listed activities? One guy, yes. The other, no.
Do you put activities and interests in your profile that you don't regularly do? What's the appeal?
Have you had matches that do this?
No, I don't do this. Yes, I met one lady who lied about the activities she enjoys (it's one she wanted to do but physically couldn't). No second date. In fact, I didn't even pay for their drink (rare) due to the deception.

wrote :
Why do this?
They realize they won't snag guys with a profile that says they sit on their couch all day, but they're not willing to make changes.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; January 11,2012 at 8:26pm.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #3  January 11,2012, 9:07pm
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I have had one or two who list activities that it turns out they 'want to learn' or hope to participate in, but have zero actual experience. Hmmm.
 
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moonette is offline moonette Post #4  January 11,2012, 9:38pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
They realize they won't snag guys with a profile that says they sit on their couch all day, but they're not willing to make changes.
There've been some good profiles reviewed here from folks who like tv, movies, music, hanging out at home. There's a market for that.

With my matches, both would be interesting to less active girls. Both initiated contact.

The 'used to do that' guy who 'could have been a yes', had other interests we share. But he hasn't done those activities for years.

As in your situation, the deception bothered me. I don't get how that can work for people.




Dropdeadredtx wrote :
I have had one or two who list activities that it turns out they 'want to learn' or hope to participate in, but have zero actual experience. Hmmm.
Maybe you could have some fun with that.

The 'tried it' guy did have some other interests, just not that interested me. His profile (and as it turned out, he) was 'meh' without the shared interests. I guess if he'd been interesting otherwise... He did say he wanted to learn new things.
 
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PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #5  January 11,2012, 9:50pm
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I'd say from personal experience that there are things that I used to do that I don't due to finances/having people that want to do it. I generally relate these things (backpacking/camping/hiking) if people send the "what interest do you hope that your partner can most share with you" question in the GC or mention it early on in OC.

If someone asks why I haven't done that in a while, I just straight up say my friends and ex aren't outdoorsy people and all the people I used to go with moved out of the area. I did backpack for over 500 miles when I was younger, so its definitely an interest, even if its something I haven't done in 9 years.

However, if people put it as something they like doing but never have actually done - thats a different story.
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #6  January 11,2012, 9:56pm
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Well, I don't kayak as often as I would like (last time was in October), but if I had a match who enjoyed it, I would do it often
 
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Bluskies4ever3 is offline Bluskies4ever3 Post #7  January 11,2012, 10:12pm
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I think some people are indicating that they would hike, day trips, ocean bodysurf if they had a partner to share the activity. Some people wouldn't enjoy doing these sports alone. If they say Half Moon Bay Pumpkin Festival, maybe they went there with family/friends a few years back and would love to do it again with a love interest (great music, art, and food!)

I'm more concerned about the matches who must be outside constantly. Are they claustrophobic? There's a book called Men Who Can't Love (written by a man I'm pretty sure - sorry to those of you groaning right now) that posits men who suffer from claustrophobia also are commitment-phobic. Equating feelings of being trapped, closed in, by four walls or by marriage/committed relationships, it is easier to see the correlation. Scientific studies/interviews/case histories support this theory.

Therefore, I look for balance. Guys who indicate a degree of interest in nesting might be more prone to commit (for the long haul).
 
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moonette is offline moonette Post #8  January 11,2012, 10:46pm
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Adrenaline-addicted guys, rather than outdoor-oriented guys, could be risky for LTR.

I'm not interested in a guy who can't do an activity without an SO. He's gotta have a life and be doing activities with friends and family.
I guess that's why there's the question 'how many times per week are you active'.
Like boomer_gal, I list what I do now in my profile, not what I've done one time or long ago.
Like PG-13, there are some activities I've enjoyed that I'd pick up again. And I'd say that if a match mentioned those activities in profile or communications.

The 'used to do that but don't anymore' guy had a list of activities that he hadn't done for years and didn't want to do again. He didn't say why he'd listed them.

The 'tried it' guy in his profile had a list of activities he'd tried over the years. He wanted matches to choose from the list so he could take lessons.
Maybe that's the equivalent of listing the Pumpkin Festival.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  January 11,2012, 10:50pm
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Being disabled and dating presented some challenges when I created my profile, because I knew many men would close me for not being physically active. I never lied about my activities and tried to highlight the positive aspects of the activities I listed like that I enjoyed cooking with my partner, photography (I have some pretty nice photographic equipment), and art (which I like both as an observer in a museum or other setting and as an artist). I certainly didn't list scuba as an activity since it's one I haven't been able to do since after my auto wreck in 1998.

Though I didn't list my disability in the profile, I'm sure many closed me for lack of activities, and that was quite appropriate. I can't keep up with someone who hikes and goes rock climbing and wouldn't want someone to feel deceived and disappointed.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #10  January 11,2012, 10:56pm
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What I have put in my profile are things I regularly do. Sure because I moved around there may be a sport I enjoy to do but dont do it as much because of where I was living. For example I like to ski but I only do it once or twice a year (expensive sport) and every few years I will do a ski trip to a resort. When I lived in the southeast skiing was more difficult to do.
 
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