Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #51  January 13,2012, 4:25am
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thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

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insertscreenname wrote :
*howls with laughter*

Allow me to quote your OP for you:

Bold mine.

So was this where you "simply asked for comments about whether I was wrong to let this go"?

A bit dramatic aren't we? This thread has been rather tame, you just read some thoughts and opinions you didn't like. If you only want thoughts and opinions you like and make you feel warm and fuzzy, please say so in your OP.
Ah semantics. This is hardly the place I would have posted if my self esteem or ego needed boosting, or I had some need to feel warm and fuzzy. In fact it would have been the last. As I said before presentation is everything. At this point we have beaten this topic to death... don't you think? I've gotten the up and down sides. Thanks to those offering constructive comments.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #52  January 13,2012, 4:29am
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TheThinker wrote :
It's great that hes "honest" with you, therefore you have no reason to doubt what he told you...that he's not over her.
Remember that.
You said "he needs time to heal." so what does that mean to you?
What's your definition of that?
My definition would be that he needs to get his head squared away about how he feels about being without her before he starts trying to build anything remotely that looks like a relationship....with anyone else. That takes time. There's no cheap substitute.

You can keep in contact with him, talk to him.. but ya better believe what he tells you...
Because he's telling you that for a very good reason.
Makes sense what you say and thank you. I believe you are spot on. I consider yours constructive feedback.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #53  January 14,2012, 5:49am
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Alli, I also happen to believe that presentation is everything. When a person makes a statement personal, then it borders on being negative. I am learning how NOT to make things personal, but rather, make it substantive and less judgemental. That is a whole nother conversation. But . . . .

Alli824 wrote :
I enter relationships using my head. I seldom let emotion get the best of my common sense. He was put inthe friend zone for all of the reasons you caution. We maintain daily contactand I'll simply see how this plays out in time. Meantime I continue to date.
This right hear tells me you are on the right track. Don't let people appeal to your emotions. If they do that, they are ignoring your intelligence, either for purpose or not.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #54  January 14,2012, 6:23am
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TheThinker wrote :
It's great that hes "honest" with you, therefore you have no reason to doubt what he told you...that he's not over her.
Remember that.
You said "he needs time to heal." so what does that mean to you?
What's your definition of that?
My definition would be that he needs to get his head squared away about how he feels about being without her before he starts trying to build anything remotely that looks like a relationship....with anyone else. That takes time. There's no cheap substitute.

You can keep in contact with him, talk to him.. but ya better believe what he tells you...
Because he's telling you that for a very good reason.
This is excellent advice. ^

I would suggest that you ask him to discontinue regular contact w/ you until he feels he's ready for a relationship. At that time, if he's still thinking about you and would like to pick up where you left off (and you are still available), you would be open to that arrangement.

As things stand now, this is not a foundation for a healthy relationship.
 
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Sierra mountain air is offline Sierra mountain air Post #55  January 15,2012, 10:17pm

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Alli824 wrote :
I am cautious about entering any relationship when yellow flags are fluttering. This situation has to do with timing, not the man's qualities or characteristics. How often do you meet someone who is the entire package? I think you are missing the point. I have known this man less than 2 weeks. I would think caution is appropriate. Anyone jumping into an instantaneous relationship in today's world I would seriously question their sanity.
At times like this I feel that you ought to be doling out information rather than asking for it.

I think you know more about this than you think you do, though I do understand the reasons for your caution and why you feel vexed.

This should have a good outcome so long as he doesn't get too lost in the shuffle that could come with multi-dating. I hate having to do that, but as we are older it becomes more like a winnowing out process rather than dating for the fun of it.

That is how I feel but then, I seek a last love at this stage and hope to find somebody also in that state of mind.
 
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