The date AFTER the first kiss


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eH_Advice_Host_Gabriel is offline eH_Advice_Host_Gabriel — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  January 11,2012, 10:22am
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So, let's say you go out with someone new, share a lovely evening, and end the night with a pleasant first kiss. Maybe not Hollywood style, but a nice "I'm definitely into you, have a great night" smooch.

The next time you go out with this individual, do you promptly greet them with a kiss? Is it assumed at that point? Or... is it something you have to work up to again, and insert when it feels appropriate?

To me, that feels like a step backward, but man, I do hate making assumptions......

What do you think?
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #2  January 11,2012, 11:45am
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Depends. Lots of variables. For example, are you meeting in a public place with crowds and small children, whereas your first kiss was in a quieter place without all the commotion?

I tend to go with what feels right, rather than focusing on what I "should" do.
 
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OlderButWiser0549 is online now OlderButWiser0549 Post #3  January 11,2012, 11:56am
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eH_Advice_Host_Gabriel wrote :
The next time you go out with this individual, do you promptly greet them with a kiss? Is it assumed at that point?
Don't assume anything. Instead, be alert to body language and facial expressions; they'll tell you what's appropriate.

I suspect much of the time the answer ends up being "no" because at that point, there's still a bit of cautiousness and it has to subside.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #4  January 11,2012, 12:44pm
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ahem. as one of the resident dating experts (ha ha ha), let me give my input. In the 60-plus first dates I've had in the past year and a half (sorry for the low number, have been in relationships for 10 of those months), I've ended up smooching about 25 of those guys within the first few dates. And of those guys, I went out again with maybe 20 of them. (A few were one and doners after the first kiss.) I'd say most of the guys I did kiss did, indeed, greet me with a kiss when they saw me on that next date after our first kiss.

of course, in perhaps 5 or 10 of those cases, I also slept with the guy or REALLY made out pretty heavily (second or third base) at the same time as the first kiss. so it was kinda assumed that a kiss to greet me would be appropriate on the next date. you know. since they'd seen me naked or nearly so on the previous date.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #5  January 11,2012, 1:17pm
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I agree with Older but Wiser0549 pay attention to their body language and expressions. I myself would let him reach in to kiss me just because men are all about pursuing and we are not supposed to be and if he doesn't greet you with a kiss I really wouldn't worry about it.
 
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Lucid is offline Lucid Post #6  January 11,2012, 2:16pm
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Public place or not, friends around or not, the only thing that would keep me from greeting my date or SO with a kiss ever would be if there were kids present (yours or theirs) that were not informed of the situation at hand.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #7  January 11,2012, 2:20pm
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I'm with Older But Wiser, to forget rules and do what feels right in the moment. On my second date with my girlfriend, I grappled with the same question and decided to begin with a kiss. When I arrived 30 minutes late, she was already seated on the inside of a booth and ready to order. As you may imagine, it wasn't a particularly "kissable" moment! I found many good opportunities as the date progressed. Don't think of it as a step forward or a step back, think of it as a step you take when the moment compels you to do it.

(I assume you only had a first kiss or three. If you were semi- or fullly-intimate, that's different!)
Last edited by shapeShifter79; January 11,2012 at 2:24pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  January 11,2012, 2:31pm
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Another vote for do what feels right when the time is right and there are no rules to that. I'd be pretty put off by a guy who rigidly plows forward with whatever "should do" he has in his mind regardless of timing and circumstances.

... Now that I think about it more, I've never even seen that first greeting as a time to kiss. Usually you are meeting somewhere crowded and it's not exactly a romantic private moment for kissing. More like a warm hug and a quick peck at the most as far as pda goes.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #9  January 11,2012, 2:35pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Another vote for do what feels right when the time is right and there are no rules to that. I'd be pretty put off by a guy who rigidly plows forward with whatever "should do" he has in his mind regardless of timing and circumstances.

... Now that I think about it more, I've never even seen that first greeting as a time to kiss. Usually you are meeting somewhere crowded and it's not exactly a romantic private moment for kissing. More like a warm hug and a quick peck at the most as far as pda goes.
Agree...the only time I go in for a big kiss when greeting is at each others' home.

Always go with what feels right
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Gabriel is offline eH_Advice_Host_Gabriel — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  January 11,2012, 2:45pm
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Scully, you never fail to crack me up.

And SS, what brought this to mind was a combo of events really. Years ago when I was brand new to online dating, I did greet her with a kiss on the second date, after a short but sweet kiss on the first. I felt some hesitation, but she went with it, and it ended up working out ok.

A newer situation came up recently similar to the one you described, where she had already been seated. I felt very hesitant to pull the trigger, even with hand holding or any kind of physical affection. It actually took me a couple hours of internal sweating, but the opportunities eventually arose and I got it handled.
 
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