Hiding your identity online


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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #1  January 9,2012, 7:14am
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I've heard it said enough that I know a fair number of people feel this way, but why would you not post pictures in an online dating profile?

Some people will say because they don't want their clients or colleagues to find them..I guess I don't understand why not? Is there shame around dating online specifically or being single and dating period? Are you saying things in your profile that you don't want professional contacts to know?

It seems to me that any singles event you attend, any conversation you have with a stranger in a bar, any date you go on reveals your single status and that could get back to anyone, including future clients or colleagues, so I don't see what the big deal is.

Other than shame (at how they look, at their relationship status or at the medium they are using to try to remedy it or at the things they are revealing about themselves) I can't think of any reason not to put up a picture, but if anyone has another reason I'd be really curious to hear it!

(This is in part inspired by another thread, but instead of hijacking that one with these comments I decided to start my own!)
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  January 9,2012, 7:17am
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FairOne wrote :
I've heard it said enough that I know a fair number of people feel this way, but why would you not post pictures in an online dating profile?
Because they're insecure about their appearance is the only reason I can think of other than paranoia.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  January 9,2012, 7:39am
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And keep in mind as we've said a thousand times with EH....the ONLY way a colleague or client will find out you are online and see your photos is if they are on the same dating site and actually happen to match the 29 dimensions and other preferences you have set up. So how could it be embarrassing if the other person is doing the exact same thing???

I do agree that some people in certain jobs don't want everyone in their business about who they are dating and where they met....but that has nothing to do with posting photos on a site like EH.

I close every single match I get that doesn't have photos...I have no interest in a pen pal and I need to see if I am at least attracted to someone along with their profile information before I go on a first date. Otherwise it's a waste of time....
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #4  January 9,2012, 7:46am
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Ingytravel wrote :
I do agree that some people in certain jobs don't want everyone in their business about who they are dating and where they met....but that has nothing to do with posting photos on a site like EH.
Ingy this situation is a good example of something I don't get. If I had a Match (or OKC or whatever) profile, and I ran across a colleague that had one too, and a little while later he had a girlfriend, I might presume he met her online, but why is that bad? Why would that be something to keep hidden?

I understand that some people feel like online dating is for 'losers', but if they feel that way then I don't see why they would particpate- Why take part in something they are ashamed of?

I know this isn't your issue so you may not be able to answer these questions, but it is something that confuses me.
 
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barbarella_42 is offline barbarella_42 Post #5  January 9,2012, 7:46am
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When dating online, I've always posted photos. That said, I understand the temptation not to: I keep my work life and my private life separate, but unfortunately someone at work found me on a dating site and contacted me to indicate interest. Without going into detail, I told him clearly that I wasn't interested and he accepted it, but it was a bit awkward.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #6  January 9,2012, 7:54am
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FairOne wrote :
Ingy this situation is a good example of something I don't get. If I had a Match (or OKC or whatever) profile, and I ran across a colleague that had one too, and a little while later he had a girlfriend, I might presume he met her online, but why is that bad? Why would that be something to keep hidden?

I understand that some people feel like online dating is for 'losers', but if they feel that way then I don't see why they would particpate- Why take part in something they are ashamed of?

I know this isn't your issue so you may not be able to answer these questions, but it is something that confuses me.
I was just stating that 'some' people...maybe in a new job.....don't want to be searchable online (like the way it is on Match and OKC to my knowledge) and have people reading about your personal life in that way...

So I don't see the 'meeting online' part as an issue as much as reading the profiles on the open dating sites and viewing the type of photos...

It's the same as I don't add all my colleagues, clients, or boss to be my 'friend' on FB and see all my personal thoughts, conversations and photos...

That is why I do like this aspect of EH...(and maybe the others have this at a certain paid level...I actually don't know)...

So if someone is choosing to not post photos on EH....it doesn't make any sense to me and the 'work' excuse doesn't fly......it equals close to me...
Last edited by Ingytravel; January 9,2012 at 7:57am.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #7  January 9,2012, 8:03am
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Ingytravel wrote :
So I don't see the 'meeting online' part as an issue as much as reading the profiles on the open dating sites and viewing the type of photos...
Okay. I know I've not put anything terribly 'personal' on a profile, but perhaps if you don't want to show your 'warm fuzzy' side to folks at work (ie talking about your love of long walks on the beach) I can kinda see that.

Ingytravel wrote :
It's the same as I don't add all my colleagues, clients, or boss to be my 'friend' on FB and see all my personal thoughts, conversations and photos...
Ah, I see Facebook quite differently than a profile. It's more real-time, there is interaction between you and others and it's more personal since you are sharing with people you (presumably, depending on how you use FB) already know.

In any event, I see your points and you've shed some light.
 
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dmi is offline dmi Post #8  January 9,2012, 8:08am
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There is a stigma associated with online dating that is reinforced by things like the old Southwest commercial "wanna get away" where a couple girls find a guy's online profile and are reading it and making fun of it and he can hear them. Guess the idea is that "you're such a loser you can't get a date in RL and have to resort to this."

Thing is that more and more people are using online resources for not just dating, but, everything and the stigma is going away. Just takes a while for people to realize that it isn't such a big deal.


Ingytravel wrote :
I close every single match I get that doesn't have photos...I have no interest in a pen pal and I need to see if I am at least attracted to someone along with their profile information before I go on a first date. Otherwise it's a waste of time....
I usually let them hang in limbo for a week or two if they have no photos or an incomplete profile. I'll at least cut some slack for new members. But, they need to complete their profile, including pictures, before I communicate.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #9  January 9,2012, 8:11am
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FairOne wrote :
Okay. I know I've not put anything terribly 'personal' on a profile, but perhaps if you don't want to show your 'warm fuzzy' side to folks at work (ie talking about your love of long walks on the beach) I can kinda see that.



Ah, I see Facebook quite differently than a profile. It's more real-time, there is interaction between you and others and it's more personal since you are sharing with people you (presumably, depending on how you use FB) already know.

In any event, I see your points and you've shed some light.
It's not about my 'warm and fuzzy' side...LOL..

A dating profile....at least mine on EH talks a lot about romantic things...kissing....snuggling on the couch....things I am looking for in a long term partner....

Those are things I don't care for a boss or client at work that I barely know to be reading....my profile is meant to lure in those unsuspecting men to my web of sex, food, and drink!.... And yes...pretty much in that order!)...once we are exclusive of course
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #10  January 9,2012, 8:13am
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Ingytravel wrote :
my profile is meant to lure in those unsuspecting men to my web of sex, food, and drink!.... And yes...pretty much in that order!)...once we are exclusive of course
Ha!
 
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