JazzyJeff is offline JazzyJeff Post #1  January 8,2012, 8:37pm

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For many years I was reticent about dating women over the age of 40. Not because I have any particular bias or dislike over women at that age. My reason is because for a long time I have wanted to get married and have kids. And, yes, it is possible for some women over 40 to have a child, but it is not common. So I resisted dating older women for a long time until the past couple of years when I realized that I was missing out on some potentially wonderful people. And the truth is that while I am 39 and will be 40 in September of this year, I've always been more mature than my age and connected better with older people most of my life. This doesn't mean that I wouldn't date someone under 40, but rather that I have expanded my horizons and my age range for dating. And I wonder if there are some other men out there that feel the same way about this. Incidentally, I don't look at older women as "cougars" or "MILFs". I am seeking a relationship with someone long-term that hopefully will lead to marriage.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #2  January 9,2012, 4:29am
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I'm a girl, not a guy, but I get tons of interest from men anywhere from my age (44) and younger. Seriously, even men in their early 20's. But I only date those within 6-7 years of my age, for the most part. The guy I'm dating right now is 7 years younger. Age doesn't matter to him, either. I think that, unless the childbearing factor is important to a guy, it's more about appearance/attraction and compatibility, not specific age. At least, that's been my experience with the guys I'm going out with.
 
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Lori003 is offline Lori003 Post #3  January 9,2012, 5:45am
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I have dated older men ever since I was able to date and swore I'd never date a man younger than myself and my reason was because I found them to be immature and not on my intellectual level. Well to my surprise older men can be just the same so I opened my options to dating someone who was compatible to me regardless of his age. Most men who want children look for a woman younger than himself assuming she can have children. With infertility rate amongst younger women so high you may find your ideal woman younger than yourself, marry her and then discover she is unable to bare you a child. Now what? Are all bets off? You were better off leaving age out of it and look at the woman as someone who can contribute to your life in a positive manner. Someone you can love and who loves you back. We tend to box ourselves in by only looking at our list as set in stone and not leaving any room for tweaking. We do the same thing with race as we do age. We need to be honest with ourselves and ask if we are really looking for a life partner that we are compatible with or are we looking at a life partner that society, friends and family will approve of. It's no one else's businesses but your own who you decide to date regardless of age or the other million other items on the check list. Your life, your choice.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  January 9,2012, 6:30am
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I am not sure if your are asking for some advice here. But the most important thing to look for is compatibility. If you have a desire to have children of your own then a woman who is not interested or not able is not going to be compatible with you no matter what age she may be.

Also something that is often overlooked in the LTR / marriage area is retirement. If there is a large disparity in ages is the older one going to wait around for his / her younger partner to retire? Or will they both retire at the same time with one retiring early? I see this problem repeating over and over.
 
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JazzyJeff is offline JazzyJeff Post #5  January 9,2012, 8:59am

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Lori003 wrote :
I have dated older men ever since I was able to date and swore I'd never date a man younger than myself and my reason was because I found them to be immature and not on my intellectual level. Well to my surprise older men can be just the same so I opened my options to dating someone who was compatible to me regardless of his age. Most men who want children look for a woman younger than himself assuming she can have children. With infertility rate amongst younger women so high you may find your ideal woman younger than yourself, marry her and then discover she is unable to bare you a child. Now what? Are all bets off? You were better off leaving age out of it and look at the woman as someone who can contribute to your life in a positive manner. Someone you can love and who loves you back. We tend to box ourselves in by only looking at our list as set in stone and not leaving any room for tweaking. We do the same thing with race as we do age. We need to be honest with ourselves and ask if we are really looking for a life partner that we are compatible with or are we looking at a life partner that society, friends and family will approve of. It's no one else's businesses but your own who you decide to date regardless of age or the other million other items on the check list. Your life, your choice.
If her and I were unable to have a child biologically, I would definitely be open for adopting a baby.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #6  January 10,2012, 10:19am
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Lori003 wrote :
... We need to be honest with ourselves and ask if we are really looking for a life partner that we are compatible with or are we looking at a life partner that society, friends and family will approve of. ...
The two things you have mentioned are intertwined. We are part of the society, friends, and family. My life partner needs to be able to conduct herself in social settings, and family affairs. If she can not, guess then we are not compatible. Now, if I was going to live in a hunting lodge in Alaska...
 
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56Steve is offline 56Steve Post #7  January 14,2012, 8:54am
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I've dated several older women, one of whom was just under five years older. That's about where I draw the line. Frankly, I'm just not comfortable beyond that.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  January 14,2012, 9:02am
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I was always open on age, though in my case I was clear that I would not have children, so I had no need to classify potential partners on that capacity.

The major concern I have about too large an age gap is that our retirement age doesn't match (large lifestyle difference then.)

Other than that, if I'm attracted and we're compatible, I don't care about age.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #9  January 14,2012, 9:35am
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it is interesting that so many guys assume a younger woman equals babies and an older woman means no babies. I tried to have a baby from ages 35-39 with no luck. and it turned out my same age husband was also infertile. oh, and my particular problems meant I couldn't have gotten pregnant in my 20's, either.

so if you marry someone expecting a biological child, you may be disappointed. one couple in six experiences infertility these days.

it's much more important to find someone you are compatible with.
Last edited by scully98; January 14,2012 at 9:41am.
 
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Alli824 is offline Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  January 15,2012, 6:14am
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I am all about compatibility. The thirty-somethings are a bit young for me. Our interests are definitely different. I've tried dating much younger but frankly we have little in common. Since I tend to look younger than I am I get approached by a wide span. Ideally an 8 year difference works for me. That said, maturity and at times appearance has little to do with chronological age. My sister who shares the same great genetics had her first child at age 44 and her second at 46.
 
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