Weird phone conversation


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
ArabicEyes is offline ArabicEyes Post #1  January 7,2012, 7:50pm
ArabicEyes's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2012

Posts: 24

See profile

Had a first phone all from a local match and I'm kinda stunned.

From the gate he asked me some very personal questions about my relationship/ sexual history. It made me very uncomfy, he took that as me suppressing some pent up tension and began trying to psychoanalyze me.

I'm sheltered and my relationship history is sparse. I'm Arab, according to our cultural landscape I'm considered normal. I feel like guys are afraid to pursue anything with me and think I'm too much work. Those are the guys I don't want to waste my time on.

I'm tired of guys trying to "liberate" me.

Sorry, just venting.
 
  Reply With Quote
LostInCornfield is offline LostInCornfield Post #2  January 7,2012, 8:03pm
LostInCornfie…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2011

Posts: 240

See profile

This guy sounds like a creep.

Was this your first call from ANY match or just your first call from this particular match?

Generally, the first phone call is supposed to be kinda light... hellos, small talk and then setting up the first date. It's not supposed to be some big creepy inquisition.
 
  Reply With Quote
ArabicEyes is offline ArabicEyes Post #3  January 7,2012, 8:17pm
ArabicEyes's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2012

Posts: 24

See profile

LostInCornfield wrote :
This guy sounds like a creep.

Was this your first call from ANY match or just your first call from this particular match?

Generally, the first phone call is supposed to be kinda light... hellos, small talk and then setting up the first date. It's not supposed to be some big creepy inquisition.
It was a first call with this match. He basically grilled me to try to find out what was "wrong" with me.

He did ask me out and the end of the conversation but I was honest and told him he didn't make me comfortable. He looked so good on paper, but said and asked some very inappropriate things.

His assessment of my condition: I'm going to explode into some wild out of control freak.

*sigh*
 
  Reply With Quote
LostInCornfield is offline LostInCornfield Post #4  January 7,2012, 8:31pm
LostInCornfie…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2011

Posts: 240

See profile

ArabicEyes wrote :
It was a first call with this match. He basically grilled me to try to find out what was "wrong" with me.
Wow, can't wait to see what an actual date with him would have been like for you.

ArabicEyes wrote :
He did ask me out and the end of the conversation but I was honest and told him he didn't make me comfortable.
Good.

ArabicEyes wrote :
He looked so good on paper, but said and asked some very inappropriate things.
That's why it's always a good idea to get at least one brief phone conversation in before meeting for the first time. I met a lady once without talking on the phone and she sure looked good "on paper," but when we met face to face and I saw her actual real life personality, it was like a completely different person... and not in a good way. Would have saved myself a 45 minute drive and the cost of lunch with a simple phone call.

ArabicEyes wrote :
His assessment of my condition: I'm going to explode into some wild out of control freak.

*sigh*
I'm sure he's totally qualified to make these assessments too.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. I'm sorry things didn't work out with this one. Better luck next time.
Last edited by LostInCornfield; January 7,2012 at 8:35pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  January 7,2012, 9:57pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

Sounds like you did the right thing. Not everyone's backgrounds are the same, and the man you were speaking to sounds like someone who doesn't accept that as a reality.

Just look at this as being one step closer to finding someone. Just a little speed bump.

And, good for you for standing up for yourself and not ignoring those red flags.
 
  Reply With Quote
tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  January 7,2012, 11:37pm
tink333's Avatar

up late....again.

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Jan 2009

Indianapolis

Posts: 1,258

See profile

Wow, sounds like you were matched with a real creep. I agree with LostinCornfield that it's a good idea to have at least one phone call prior to meeting, so that you can get a feel for whether or not you want to actually meet the match.

He asked very inappropriate questions for a potential first date scenario. His questions about your sexual history would be inappropriate at almost any point early on in a potential relationship. You'll know if it's the right time to discuss these things with a future match, and it won't be likely to be an uncomfortable conversation.

I'm glad you told him he made you uncomfortable, but please don't walk away from this match thinking you have to defend your position about your moral values to anyone here. That he attempted to psycho-analyze you is unfortunate. There's nothing wrong with you, but I'm betting he's an onion of psychoanalysis.

As long as your moral decisions are right for you, they are right, and you shouldn't feel pushed by anyone with whom you are matched to to change them.

If you look on the bright side, you didn't have to invest a lot of time he revealed his true colors. Online dating is what it is. People try to summarize who they are in a few words, but rarely are a few words enough.

It is good you saw the red flag for what it was and walked away. At least you are certain that your BS detector is in good working order. and it sounds like you're not likely to be manipulated into a relationship with a creep.

I hope you have better luck with your next match.
 
  Reply With Quote
LauraLynneRN is offline LauraLynneRN Post #7  January 8,2012, 12:49am
LauraLynneRN's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2012

Posts: 1

See profile

You did the right thing. You can tell alot in a phone conversation. Always, always pay attention to your gut feeling.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  January 8,2012, 3:12am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,305

See profile

He's bad news. Good you told him forget it. Agree with the other posters on their assessment.

He was playing a game called "break down the barriers"...with backhanded remarks, insults, way over-stepping the line,etc.

Most normal guys don't use this tactic....Good Luck...
ArabicEyes wrote :
It was a first call with this match. He basically grilled me to try to find out what was "wrong" with me.
 
  Reply With Quote
ArabicEyes is offline ArabicEyes Post #9  January 8,2012, 4:16am
ArabicEyes's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2012

Posts: 24

See profile

Thanks guys!

I've always felt normal. But I guess at 31 my moral stance is mind boggling to some. I'm Christian and I'm Arab, it's just the way I was raised. I do not have a photo up on EH, I'm an attorney and I'm not keen on my clients finding me on a dating site. I always do send photos when I get to OC.

But during guided comm. I always ask "what do you find physically attractive" but I usually mean it in the most benign non-sexual way. I want to make sure I'm not wasting anyone's time. Not to rationalize his inappropriate behavior but he kept going back to that.

Oh well back to the drawing board.

At 31 my BS radar is so polished, my gay man radar not so much. I'm still getting over my George Michael crush.
 
  Reply With Quote
Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #10  January 8,2012, 6:07am
Ephemera's Avatar

is watching the little sleeping mousies.

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,158

See profile

Well George Michael is just plain sex on leather.
Some men in this country are biased against the Arab world, not just because of fairly recent events but because they seem to have a need to hate and find outlets that they can bond with one another over hating. I hear their hate talk in the office way too frequently and it is a disgusting thing. Maybe this match you had was a hater and saw a chance to unload a bit with his judgements and prying. You handled it gracefully and correctly. This country has a lot of growing up to do.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« HELP! I'm having doubts... | Dating | Is this right? need some advice... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Phone conversations kikigirl123 Dating 29 December 18,2010 8:10pm
Women, need to protect ourselves by not providing you cell phone number for the texting. D_Lion Dating 39 November 23,2010 4:15am
Is a phone conversation expected between OC and the first date? NJGeek81 Dating 11 June 1,2010 8:51am
texting and phone conversation skills eaglesfanone Dating 6 January 12,2010 6:49am
first phone call? lilly08 Dating 8 June 11,2009 10:01am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:33am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0