Would you sleep with him for the first time if...?


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KBA72 is offline KBA72 Post #1  January 2,2012, 1:57pm
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...he's still active on a dating site?

We've been dating for about a month and a half, and I think things are going really well. At the end of our last date he wanted me to spend the night, but I didn't. That was about a week or so ago, and since then we've both been traveling for the holidays. Now he wants to get together again later this week, and I would be more positive about the idea of starting a physical relationship with him...except that I just found out he's logged back into his account on a free dating site after he hadn't been active for several weeks. What do you all think of this situation?
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #2  January 2,2012, 2:00pm
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I think you need to have the exclusivity conversation with him. No sex until he commits to it. You might even say you noticed him on a dating site. But only say that if he claims that he's only interested in you. Then you can say, "well, if thats the case, delete your profile".
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #3  January 2,2012, 2:03pm
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If you haven't discussed and agreed to exclusivity, why do you have a problem with him being on a dating site? In my last few experiences, intimacy and exclusivity came up within minutes of each other.
 
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Boukworm is offline Boukworm Post #4  January 2,2012, 2:04pm
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It could be he logged in to reply to all the other matches that he's pursuing a relationship. Or to deactivate his account. Or to look at your own profile again. Or to see if YOU have logged onto your account. Or just to see how many hits he's got in this time, just for some self-confidence boost. This doesn't need to be viewed as a bad thing. What matters is that he wants to see you again, and you should follow your intuition and feelings, not his account activity. If you can work up the courage, ask him directly (maybe in a joking manner), but do NOT make up a theory and act based on it - chances are, you're wrong
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #5  January 2,2012, 2:06pm
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It could be that he logged back onto the dating site because you turned him down on your last date. Since it would be a while before you two saw each other again, he may have been thinking you're not that interested in him. This does not make him a cad... just human. Besides, the only way you can know that he is active on that dating site is if YOU logged in there yourself. He may see that and be wondering the same thing about you.

Since you are interested in starting a physical relationship with him if he's exclusive to you and not looking around, I'd have that discussion on your next date.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #6  January 2,2012, 2:06pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
If you haven't discussed and agreed to exclusivity, why do you have a problem with him being on a dating site? In my last few experiences, intimacy and exclusivity came up within minutes of each other.
Agree with this....

And even though I've discussed exclusivity along with health issues, I've never had to 'ask' a man to stop dating others. We were both in the same place emotionally before we slept together.

I actually would never want to ask someone to do that...he should want that on his own. Want me all to himself (vice versa...as I don't share!)...

There are many things I am happy to just flat out ask....but this is not one of them.
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #7  January 2,2012, 2:06pm
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How did you find out he logged in if you weren't logging in? Double standard anyone?

Atl's suggestion is probably the correct one since it seems to be a concern to you. For me, I wouldn't need to have the conversation, I just "do it" when I feel like it. Also, I would think most guys would get frustrated after a month and a half and a girl wasn't wanting to sleep w/ them though and probably take it personally, which could be why he's logging back into the site. He may think you're not interested in him.
 
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KBA72 is offline KBA72 Post #8  January 2,2012, 2:14pm
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eharmonyjc wrote :
How did you find out he logged in if you weren't logging in? Double standard anyone? .
Making assumptions anyone? For you and the others who have mentioned this, (1) I do not have an account on the dating site, (2) you are able to see others' last log-in information without logging in, and (3) I was informed by a 3rd party. Sheesh! This is not even relevant to my question.
 
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eharmonyjc is offline eharmonyjc Post #9  January 2,2012, 2:17pm
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It is relevant, because you have no idea why he is logging in, yet you are basing your decision on whether or not you sleep with him based on this information. The fact it came from a third party is even worse. What would you have decided to do if you did not have this information? That is what you should do.
 
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KBA72 is offline KBA72 Post #10  January 2,2012, 2:20pm
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
If you haven't discussed and agreed to exclusivity, why do you have a problem with him being on a dating site? In my last few experiences, intimacy and exclusivity came up within minutes of each other.
So you would begin a physical relationship with someone who appears to be actively seeking someone else? Of course, I know that a person doesn't have to be on a dating site to be doing this and that dating/relationships always have the potential for hurt, but this just seems like *inviting* it.
 
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