Has anyone ever felt like you were not in someone's league?


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goosie is offline goosie Post #1  January 23,2008, 5:41pm
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Hi all. This isn't a put down on myself but a reality check.I'm meeting a great guy on Friday for the first time. His profile is a little intimidating - he is highly educated, has a DREAM career that is fascinating, he's done a ton of things and seems well-versed on many major topics.....not to mention he is well above average looking. I've held this match off at arm's length long enough and now the time has come to meet in person. I'm a very simple girl, work as a secretary, only have a degree from a small business/trade school, a home-body who prefers to cuddle on the couch or prefer a run on a trail versus some hot hip downtown sushi bar. I'm pretty sure I represented myself truthfully through my communications with him. So how do I approach this big meeting? I know in my gut that I'm not a good match for him but yet, I'm curious about him and find his constant communication flattering. Has anyone ever felt like you were not in someone's league?
 
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goodreadTN is offline goodreadTN Post #2  January 28,2008, 11:36am
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If he knows what you put into your posting, and he's still showing interest then I think you don't need to be worried. The fact that you said "I know in my gut that I'm not a good match for him YET" does raise a red flag for me. You need to accept yourself as you are, and find a match who will do the same. Do NOT going into a relationship with plans toimprove yourselffor him. This is self-destructive, and it's a disservice to both of you. Stay true to who you are, and the right match will love you for it. if he doesn't like who you are, then he's not the one for you.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #3  January 28,2008, 4:47pm

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Goosie, the most important thing to remember is that he wants to meet you based on what he knows of you so far. So go and wow him! If when you meet there is no chemistry, then that's fine, you've made a good attempt to find out - but don't put yourself down, he's interested in you and you are interested in him at this stage! I hope you both have a fabulous first meeting. Let us know how it goes! Good luck.
 
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BAKidAgain is offline BAKidAgain Post #4  January 30,2008, 4:15pm
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Believe in YOURSELF! If you have represented yourself as YOU then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Relax and be yourself, I'm sure he's nervous about meeting you too. Let us know what happens.

Hope you have a GREAT time!
 
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Replay is offline Replay Post #5  January 30,2008, 5:13pm
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Sometimes what you imagine another is seeking is just that-imagination. Just be true to yourself and trust in who you are. I am a highly educated professional with a demanding career. I crave the comfort of simple, reliable and unchallenging pleasures. The career is intense, my home life doesn't have to be.
 
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honest-real is offline honest-real Post #6  January 30,2008, 5:52pm
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This was very helpful me. I am not pushing the Eharmony CD's on relationships but, there is a value test in the series along with others. It is not given when you take the personality profile.

The value test helped me to see how what my value was. It doesn't measure the things we think of as being important in a relationship.It's not looks, career, money,car and etc. I was surprised at my score and had several woman that I know very well rate me. They scored me even higher. The benefit is that I when I think somebody is out of my league I remember my score. Then I know that it is most likely they that are out of my league. I also now know quickly if they are above me and out of my league. You might be very surprised at how much value you actually have. Again it doesn't measure what we typically think is important. I found it very helpful along with the other tests. I recommend it highly.



 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  January 31,2008, 4:02am

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I have felt this way before yes....and several times I ended up dissapointed (not the other way around) because the other person was representing themself to be much better than they actually were (a lot of people do this). That may not be the case but in two cases, with me -- I felt like I wasn't good enough, when in reality I was just being my honest self (which is pretty good...though not perfect) and the other person recognized me at their level (cause we were about the same actually) and I thought they were much more successful or together than me....in reality one had a disability he failed to mention, and the other was not as successful as he claimed to be...which was fine, he was well on his way but the job title he listed...well he was not quite there yet. This is misleading and what the people doing this fail to recognize is how it makes others feel....I felt like I had to really be on my toes, when in reality they were feeling insecure and trying to play in MY league! If that makes sense....anyway, the point is this person likes you, and knows what they are getting into....and it is possible that maybe they have some shortcomings they are not completley upfront about....another reason they may like you...you are refreshingly honest and that comes through....so play it safe, you might be way out of this person's league!
 
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Chapter 2 is offline Chapter 2 Post #8  January 31,2008, 9:53am
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I have actually felt this from both sides of the coin. I am a novice here, after being widowed three and a half years ago. After being married for 30 years, it's difficult to begin again. I dated two physicians, both only a few dates. I felt somewhat awkward as they spoke of their extensive travel and lavish lifestyle. At 53, I am retired, generally very confident and in really great shape financially. I own my own home in a great neighborhood. I am not sure if it was just that the connection was not there, or my sheer inexperience. On the other hand, I have dated several men who were bothered that I make more than they do. I also have had men express that they do not feel they could live up to what I had in my marriage. My husband was a great guy, very active in our community and a bit high profile. So this has made it difficult for me as well. I try my best to convey that you cannot compare one relationship to another. When the chemistry and groundwork for a friendship is there, each of us bring different things to the relationship. No two relatinships will be alike, but there is potential for that kind of love once again. I truly believe that and hope that I am lucky enough to be twice blessed. The man I am dating right now is very understanding and is not intimidated, despite the fact that he is building his life back after a nasty divorce. We live an hour apart, so it is a slow process. My youngest, who just moved away to college, is not happy that I am in a relationship. He has stuffed his grief and is stuck in the anger phase. So I have several big stumbling blocks to work with.....time will tell.
 
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joiedv64 is offline joiedv64 Post #9  January 31,2008, 9:57am
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Goosie,

How did your date go?
 
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spartan999 is offline spartan999 Post #10  January 31,2008, 11:38am
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goosie, wrote :

Hi all. This isn't a put down on myself but a reality check.I'm meeting a great guy on Friday for the first time. His profile is a little intimidating - he is highly educated, has a DREAM career that is fascinating, he's done a ton of things and seems well-versed on many major topics.....not to mention he is well above average looking. I've held this match off at arm's length long enough and now the time has come to meet in person. I'm a very simple girl, work as a secretary, only have a degree from a small business/trade school, a home-body who prefers to cuddle on the couch or prefer a run on a trail versus some hot hip downtown sushi bar. I'm pretty sure I represented myself truthfully through my communications with him. So how do I approach this big meeting? I know in my gut that I'm not a good match for him but yet, I'm curious about him and find his constant communication flattering. Has anyone ever felt like you were not in someone's league?
So without getting too philosophical, sounds to me like the issue here isn't with how your match views you but its really about how you view yourself and possibly what you would do if the roles were reversed. Personally, I'd say that you might want to take some time and get to know the value of yourself and determine your own worth. Otherwise even if your match this the world of you your involvement is doomed as you'll probably end up subconsciously sabotaging yourselfas you won't feel your worth it. So save yourself from the headache and really ask yourself what you truly think of yourself
 
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