I found her blog and learned personal details - do I tell?


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #21  December 28,2011, 3:03am
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I google everyone. and usually tell them before I do. no one has been weirded out by it. one guy said I should have just asked, because he hates the Internet. but he was just a strange one anyway.

I think you should tell her because otherwise you will be tempted to go back and read more if things go sour between you two. you will want to find out what she's really thinking.

also, she probably doesn't realize the blog is public.

I would just go ahead and mention it, kindly and without making a big deal about it. yes, it might end things between you, but better now than six months from now when you say something. since you said you can't stay quiet forever.
Last edited by scully98; December 28,2011 at 6:58am.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #22  December 28,2011, 6:20am
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Maybe you better read what she has written. After all, if she is willing to post pictures of you on her blog without your consent, she may also divulge information about you which you may have shared with her in confidence.

Furthermore, if anybody thinks that anything they post on the internet is private, well, they are just plain stupid.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #23  December 28,2011, 6:23am
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ami1uwant wrote :
Id advise you not to bring it up until she mentions it. You can open up a can of worms in this if you reveal this secret because you were "stalking" her.
Interesting that when a man googles a date, it's "stalking" but when a woman does it, it's "being cautious."
 
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Faraday is online now Faraday Post #24  December 28,2011, 6:34am
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Interesting that when a man googles a date, it's "stalking" but when a woman does it, it's "being cautious."
It is a funny double standard. Like when men are messy, they're bachelors but if women are, we're slobs .

Google sucks for me, with my full name and city you can pull up my phone number, website and address (or google my phone number and get my full name, address and website) but I guess that's the hazard of owning a business that requires advertisement.
None of my dates have confessed to googling me and I don't really google dates anymore. Too many to keep track of. I have a hard enough time not confusing stories they've told me, let alone random things from the internet I don't want them to know that I know.
 
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redmaple is offline redmaple Post #25  December 28,2011, 6:37am
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I actually had this happen to me. I had a blog that I used to write on occasionally. It was not linked to my last name and I had it set so it would not appear in google searches, so I wasn't concerned about matches finding out about it. Well, it turns out that one of my friends had posted a link to it using my last name, and that turned up in a google search. One of my matches found it and told me about it on our third date.

Reading my blog intensified his feelings for me, but I was still unsure about him, so it created an awkward dynamic. I guess I'm glad he mentioned it so I could change my privacy settings.

You should probably mention it, but keep it light if possible. Maybe complement her on her writing and sarcastically say you feel honored to have made the blog. If the picture bothers you, than of course, mention that. You can tell her you stopped reading because you want her to be able to share more personal things when she's ready, but that what you read confirmed that she's a pretty cool person (if that's what you think).
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #26  December 28,2011, 7:07am
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I'm a bit divided on this one. On the one hand, I had a friend post my photo and name in her personal blog without asking me - and it did bother me. Fortunately, only a handful of people read her blog. On the other hand, if you go to a wedding, you're probably in a handful of photos that you have no control over. The reality is, we live in a digital world and no one has to ask your permission to put stuff on the internet. Still, I'd probably think twice about getting too involved with someone who did at that level of revelation. It reveals either an amazing naivete about the nature of public access, or a lack of discretion that I'd find unsettling.

My family knows not to post photos of me online without my permission and most folks know I don't like using my real name online, though now and then someone forgets. Not a huge deal. The internet is public, like it or not.

I seldom confess to Googling - and I've only picked up negative information about someone once or twice. I prefer to let people reveal themselves as they're comfortable. If I found something that troubled me about a new person, I'd probably just walk away rather than confronting someone.

I'm a writer. I steal bits and pieces of people all the time for material. I generally try to be sensitive about what I put out there for public access. On some occasions I've intentionally been indiscrete. I accept the fact that some will not view this favorably and I accept the consequences that go along with that. Some people, though, are genuinely shocked when they find out that airing their private thoughts publicly can upset someone.

If you reveal what you found, you can't control her response. She might view it as invasive, illogical as that is. She might be embarrassed, though it confounds me how people can be when they're the ones who make such things public. She might not care, and my concern in that case is that everything you say and do with her may be fodder for her online musings.

If you like her and you're not bothered by what she revealed, I'd probably approach it from a generic standpoint rather than a specific one - a conversation about blogs in general or about your feelings on people having access to information about you online should prompt her to talk about it. If not, that's something to consider as well.

I don't think "I Googled you and found your blog" is going to have a positive result. But, if you can pull off the winsome, boyish grin, perhaps "So, I was bored at work the other day and I Googled you..." and see how she responds. Just know it could go either way, depending on how comfortable she is with herself.
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #27  December 28,2011, 8:41am
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I think if it went more than a couple more dates I would mention it too.

I like LBM idea of "I was bored at work" and THEN let her know you think she is hot and her big secret is no biggie.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #28  December 28,2011, 10:00am
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It's not a secret if it can be easily found on Google. All he really needs to do is say, "Hey I was bored at work the other day and stumbled onto to your blog while surfing the net. It's pretty interesting. I didn't read it all, but I saw that you had posted a pic of me there. I'm a pretty private person and seeing my pic publicly posted like that was a bit of a shock. So I wonder if we can talk a bit about that and make sure we are on the same page about what should be private in dating and what can be public."
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #29  December 28,2011, 11:17am
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I agree that that posting a pic of him is a violation of his privacy. She probably thinks of it as a blog between friends without comprehending how the internet really works.

The "big secret" was what she referred to in her blog, ie that she is concerned about her weight issues. She indicated (IIRC) she was concerned about his reaction or somesuch....
 
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moonette is offline moonette Post #30  December 28,2011, 11:28am
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melvimbe wrote :
According to IMDb, I'm a pretty good lighting technician.
LOL
Many of my name alternates have interests similar to mine, almost like it's a name requirement.


OP, remember that your employer and other people can find that blog too. Your photo is up. Maybe later it'll be your full name, some private revelations...
 
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