I found her blog and learned personal details - do I tell?


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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #101  January 9,2012, 11:27am
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JazzyJeff wrote :
It's a sad truth that nothing on the Internet is private anymore, but that doesn't mean that it's right to violate someone's privacy.
It's only a violation of her privacy if she password protected it and he hacked into it to read it. It was easily available via a Google search, and therefore it is PUBLIC not a violation of anyone's privacy.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #102  January 9,2012, 11:55am
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tink333 wrote :
It's only a violation of her privacy if she password protected it and he hacked into it to read it. It was easily available via a Google search, and therefore it is PUBLIC not a violation of anyone's privacy.
Thank you for explaining it that way...
 
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catman3141 is offline catman3141 Post #103  January 9,2012, 4:59pm
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JazzyJeff wrote :
The key word here is "personal". What you did was a violation of her privacy since it was personal information. Even if it is a blog on public website, unless she is a published blogger who chooses to market it to the public, it is private and something she doesn't want everyone in the world to know about. I think the best thing to do is to not go back there anymore unless she tells you about it and to put it out of your mind.
The internet is public and she did not hide her blog. He had every right to read it. If it was "personal" she would have hid it rather than posted it publicly on the internet.
 
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Lynn1977 is offline Lynn1977 Post #104  January 9,2012, 5:36pm
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I agree with a lot that's been said... if she put it online publicly then she has to be accountable for that choice. If you found it and read it then why hide that fact? It's honest to say, 'Hey, I saw your blog online yesterday and I thought it was interesting that you....??" - make it a conversation starter... if she's upset that you saw / read it - just be honest, you thought because it was online that it was ok to read it - suggest a way to help her make it private if she didn't realize it was... As a woman, I'd be super impressed with a guys honesty telling me they saw it / read it cuz it would be hard to admit to but honesty way outweighs a little embarassment if you're building something long-term
 
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dynamitewoman is offline dynamitewoman Post #105  January 20,2012, 11:56am
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Hey people,
Lets not pretend google or any other search sites or blogs have not been used to explore, discover or find out info before. Breathes there a soul who has not googled someone or something to find out news or general information, even if just out of curiosity.??
First, you have to remove the guilt or bits of shame for invading her privacy, because you did not. NOTHING on the internet is private unless you make an effort to make it private, she did not, and would have to be living in a bubble to think public blogging is a private matter.
If the information you found is not anything that would make you feel averse to continue dating her, ignore it. When the time is right, she will reveal anything she wants you know and it is not necessary to tell her you already knew that.Dont take away her developing feelings of comfort with you by dismissing her revelations as old news. In fact, when she does tell you, you may want to tell her something special about you that you have not as yet.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #106  January 20,2012, 6:09pm
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You can play this one of two ways, and there is no middle ground.

Dont listen to the people who tell you to tiptoe into it by slyly bringing up a conversation about what she thinks of sharing her thoughts in a blog or you've thought about writing one of your own and does she know of any good websites. If she is halfway intelligent, she will see right through it and the creepiness of it will backfire on you.

You can:

A: Completely ignore it and proceed as you normally would. there isn't anything in there defamatory towards you, or any hints that she's longing for an ex.

B: If you really are upset about your name being used on the internet, then be completely honest that you googled her name and came across it. Tell her you didn't read the whole thing because there seemed to be some personal things that you didn't want to see but use it as an opportunity to have her open up to you one on one.
 
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brokensmile76 is offline brokensmile76 Post #107  January 20,2012, 8:58pm
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
You need to tell her what you found out; yes, it might end things, but if you don't tell her you will never know what might happen, because your experience and emotions will be tainted by what you know, and by the stress of hiding it. Be casual be straight forward.
I agree!

I say tell her. Speaking as a woman that actually blogs about my dating life, I tend to blog about thoughts about conversations I have had with my bf (I only use his first name and I have never posted pics of any of the men I have dated by the way and my bf knows that I do) and I would be mortified if I found out later that for months the guy I was dating/in a relationship was reading my thoughts about the relationship and didn't say anything. What if she started blogging about red flags she saw from you and was debating to discuss these with you you? Could you really sit down for a nice dinner, face to face with her after reading on her blog that she doesn't like your mom or your dog or whatever?! You'll be holding in far more than just the knowledge of blog existing.

If you tell her now, she will be fully aware that you now read her blog from time to time so she will probably take more care in what she reveals to her readers.

Yea, it might be embarrassing for her right now but it will only get worse later on.
 
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ms911jb is offline ms911jb Post #108  January 24,2012, 4:09pm
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I can't imagine anyone dating anyone else in this day and age WITHOUT googling their name. its just common sense to me. tell her about it, if shes worth keeping she won't have a problem with it.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #109  January 24,2012, 4:32pm
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Oh, look! This issue was resolved for the OP weeks ago!

B_A_R2 on Jan 5 wrote :
Update - we decided not to see each other anymore, but not because of this. I haven't seen her since prior to my last post, but after we split up I got back on her blog and read the most recent post (curiosity I guess...). Anyway, it's too bad I didn't read it or I'd have seen it coming. Oh well. We'd only gone out a few times. I texted her and told her I thought it was interesting, but she never responded. Again - oh well.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #110  January 24,2012, 5:56pm
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My 2 Cents:

Personally I consider this stalking and an invasion. The internet is a public arena, however, the question that arises is: Why do you need to know stuff about me to the point where you would take the time to do the search? Creepy is what I think it is.

This is especially true when a person has deliberately withheld identifying information and the other party tries to find a way to bypass the normal search criteria and invade your privacy anyway.

I would hit the delete button and never look back.
 
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