Why would a woman say THIS at the end of a first date and then not respond to my messages


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #21  December 19,2011, 6:45am
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She just wasn't into you. Or liked you, but met someone else in the next two days before you contacted her again and she liked that guy better. That happened to me. Met one guy one day, met my guy the next day. And then went out with my guy again on Friday night. And on Saturday night, already had plans to see guy #1 again. But wasn't into him at all by that point because I was into the other guy. So our fantastic first date went pffffft because I met someone else that I liked better. But he could easily be posting your same post (you aren't bald and a CPA, are you?!) because he surely thought I was 100% into him after our fantastic conversation (see? I used that word!) and dinner date. Until the next date, when I wasn't.

It happens ALL THE TIME in online dating. And it's normal. You're looking for the person you want most to be with, and who most wants to be with you. She wasn't the one for you.

Oh yeah, and not to beat a dead horse, but waiting two days to contact her is a long time. I don't think that would have made her ignore you if she liked you tons and tons, but if she was on the fence, yeah. I don't like guys waiting two days after a first date to ask me out again. Most guys tend to text me after our first date, usually as I'm driving back to work or home, asking to see me again. I like that. Makes me smile and feel desired.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #22  December 19,2011, 6:56am
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While two days isn't an eternity... and, as DF mentions, perfectly reasonable especially given the time of year, if a guy is really into me, I like to hear from him almost immediately. It can change my perception of him one way or the other. By hear from, I don't necessarily mean set date two. Simply, a short text or call to reiterate how nice it was to meet. Waiting two days (given all the 'getting to know you' stuff you did prior to the date) seems like you might be playing games.

That said, I also agree that if she had really liked you (as in REALLY liked you), two days wouldn't have been a deal-breaker.

Lastly, try not to hold great expectation about someone (long phone conversations) prior to meeting.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #23  December 19,2011, 7:03am
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I agree about the long phone calls prior to meeting. No point in doing those. Sets up unrealistic expectations. As you discovered the hard way. Also, the long phone calls prior to meeting mean nothing as to whether she's into you or not. I've had some of the best conversations with men I had no interest in once I met them. Just cause you would make a good friend doesn't mean you'd make a good boyfriend for someone.

Same with the walking around the shopping center after your dinner date. She liked you, obviously just as a friend as it turned out, to offer to do that.

Was there any touching, hand holding, kissing?

Here's the thing to remember. Your perception of the evening is different than hers. Because YOU liked her, and she didn't like you. It's similar to a job interview you might have been on at some point in your life, where you thought it went great and they really liked you, but then they offered the job to someone else. It was easy for you to think it went well because you were excited and feeling it (wanting the job). But they didn't have the same feelings about you, but you didn't notice it at the time, not until you got the "thanks but no thanks" letter in the mail.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #24  December 19,2011, 7:10am
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Standard procedure. Nearly every girl I have ever dated has said she had a wonderful time and wanted to go out on a second date and then poofed and was never heard from again.

Why did you not set up the second date at the end of the first one?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #25  December 19,2011, 7:11am
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pink_tulip wrote :
Hey, she might be one of those who is after free meals... did you pay for the date?
I suspect that both these are true.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #26  December 19,2011, 7:19am
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tweet37 wrote :
Ditto what the other posters said about waiting. While you were waiting, she was dating someone else who didn't wait and you lost out.
What happened to the 3 day rule Did I miss the memo on that too There must be something wrong with my memo receiver, I never there the memos. Calling after only 2 days was a day too early.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #27  December 19,2011, 7:37am
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nick222 wrote :
Two days is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to contact somebody after a date, even a really great one. Also, she could have contacted him as easily as he could have contacted her. Let's not stretch to find reasons to blame him for the fact that she flaked. It happens.

While 2 days is a reasonable amount of time to contact her, the consesus of most of the posters question why he waited to contact her again based on his OP:


[QUOTE=Muckraker1204;1467986]So I met a woman on here two weeks ago that I REALLY connected with. We spoke three times on the phone before meeting, and each phone conversation lasted two-three hours. We had so much in common, and we never ran of of things to talk about.

When we parted ways, she smiled and said "I had a FANTASTIC time" (with heavy emphasis on the word "fantastic).

I thought us seeing each other again was a slam dunk — my instincts about this have been correct before..

QUOTE]

If the OP really had such a great connection and great date with her then the quetion is a valid one. I am neither stretching to find reasons nor blaming the OP for the fact the she flaked on him, that was her doing, not his.

In my experience, if I had such a "wonderful" connection with a date...either another date was set up at the end of the first date, or there was contact later that evening after the date, or the following day.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #28  December 19,2011, 7:38am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
What happened to the 3 day rule Did I miss the memo on that too There must be something wrong with my memo receiver, I never there the memos. Calling after only 2 days was a day too early.
Gr8Guy, according to a dating expert who encourages a 7-day rule, the point is to weed out women who only sorta like you and focus on the women who are totally into you. When someone is totally into you it's hard to make a fatal dating mistake.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #29  December 19,2011, 8:11am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
Gr8Guy, according to a dating expert who encourages a 7-day rule, the point is to weed out women who only sorta like you and focus on the women who are totally into you. When someone is totally into you it's hard to make a fatal dating mistake.
Not sure where your dating expert is getting his/her info but, as a member of the opposite sex, a good part of my being "totally into" a guy is his enthusiasm about me...

Food for thought...
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #30  December 19,2011, 8:20am
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I agree with Special-K. If a guy is into me, he shows that interest and asks me out again quickly, or at least contacts me to say how much he enjoyed our date, and asks me out within a day or two of that first date. His enthusiasm toward me makes me even more interested in him.

This is even more the case with online dating. If I went out with someone and didn't hear back for seven days, I would assume they were multi-dating other women that entire 7-day period and it would make me seriously lose interest to the point where I might not go out with them again, even if I'd really liked them on the first date. Because I would assume they were a player and/or multi-dating and not that into me.

Just as men prefer to date women who are very interested in them, women want to date men who are very interested in them.
 
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