Michelle1983 is offline Michelle1983 Post #1  December 17,2011, 9:56pm
Michelle1983's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2011

Posts: 57

See profile

I'm just curious, when you're just starting to see someone, do you take slower response times as a somewhat non-interested signal or that you're pretty low in the priority list?

Say for instance you text someone to invite them out in the coming week and they take 2 days to respond back to you?
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  December 17,2011, 10:07pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

Hmmm, two days is a long time to respond to someone. But, maybe some (more) context would be helpful.

Was the text sent during their work day? Was it a specific "ask" or a vague "you wanna hang out sometime" text? When you say just start seeing someone, do you mean you have actually had a face to face meet? Or, are you planning a first meet?
 
  Reply With Quote
OmahaJoe is offline OmahaJoe Post #3  December 17,2011, 10:20pm
OmahaJoe's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 228

See profile

I've found Email, cell phones, answering machines, Facebook and Twitter can be unreliable. Its best to make a fool of yourself and call and text more often than your comfortable with until you know where you stand.

If they're mad at you for sending 4 texts and leaving 3 messages on their answering machine over 2 or 3 days, they'd be mad if you sent one!
 
  Reply With Quote
Michelle1983 is offline Michelle1983 Post #4  December 17,2011, 10:45pm
Michelle1983's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2011

Posts: 57

See profile

Well he had said the best way to reach him usually was text/email.

And it was specifically to set a date/time (I set the exact day) and it was during a workday.

He owns his own company so essentially is his own boss so I get that he's busy, but this has been a bit of an ongoing trend - it was similar in previous times as well.

I'd text and sometimes he'd be wishy washy if for sure he'd be available and then say he'd let me know closer to the date. Then he'd let me know fairly last minute (few hours before) if he could or couldn't go. One time he did...another he didn't. Both were group things though so it didn't hinder plans from happening.

A part of me just questions whether he's either not that interested or perhaps is a little too focused/busy on his own life and everything to prioritize another person.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  December 17,2011, 10:55pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

Sounds to me like he's keeping you as the back burner girl. He is holding off until just hours before because he waiting to see if the plans he wants to make with someone else will solidify. When they don't, he knows you are sitting there waiting for him to call and confirm.

I wouldn't sit and wait anymore. Next time tell him you need to know by XYZ time/day. He's making you an option while you are trying to make him a priority. Don't do this any more.
 
  Reply With Quote
Michelle1983 is offline Michelle1983 Post #6  December 17,2011, 11:04pm
Michelle1983's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2011

Posts: 57

See profile

Yah, that's sort of what I felt - like maybe he was waiting to see if something better came along...

I just wanted to get a few outside opinions. I do know he's a busy guy, but to me, if someone is a priority, I'll get back to them ASAP...within the same day. It's a simple text.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  December 17,2011, 11:09pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

The slow response wouldn't worry me as much as annoy me. Well, unless the pattern of their responses change dramatically. The last minute plans, etc, when he has a lot of available time (it seems based on your description) does.
 
  Reply With Quote
Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  December 18,2011, 5:42am
Alli824's Avatar

thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2007

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1,263

See profile

I was going to say I've had texts come in several hours or days after sent, or just missed a text, but if this is a repeat pattern I don't think you're high on this person's priority list. I wouldn't even put up with an e mail response that's 48 hrs after the initial one sent (unless that person's on vacation or unreachable somehow and then they better explain.) The point of e mail is the response should be within 24hrs and faster than snail mail.. with text a few hrs in the event the person is busy ....otherwise.. you're not on their mind.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  December 18,2011, 5:51am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

Michelle1983 wrote :
I'm just curious, when you're just starting to see someone, do you take slower response times as a somewhat non-interested signal or that you're pretty low in the priority list?

Say for instance you text someone to invite them out in the coming week and they take 2 days to respond back to you?
In the realm of dating, unless you are sending a text to say you are stuck in traffic and are going to be 10 minutes late, FORGET the texting!!!

If you want to invite someone out on a date then call them with a definite plan. Or at least send an e-mail with the details and the invitation.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  December 18,2011, 5:52am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

OmahaJoe wrote :
I've found Email, cell phones, answering machines, Facebook and Twitter can be unreliable. Its best to make a fool of yourself and call and text more often than your comfortable with until you know where you stand.

If they're mad at you for sending 4 texts and leaving 3 messages on their answering machine over 2 or 3 days, they'd be mad if you sent one!
Very stalkerish behavior you are suggesting.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« I am trying to move on but need advice before making a mistake | Dating | Second date and stil no kiss »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Slow down or being used? chriswood515 Ask Problem Solvers 2 October 6,2010 7:14am
Fast to slow response - lack of interest? MQRegan Using eHarmony 27 December 21,2009 6:56pm
The Paradox of our Times tashal Intelligent Conversation 3 August 26,2009 7:48pm
is there a problem of going slow? treeye Dating 11 May 20,2009 9:13am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:55am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0