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MW77009 MW77009 is offline
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Actually, in my experience, lets be friends is womanese for get lost. When they say that to me, I blow them off.


- July 9th, 2008, 01:43 pm
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I forgot to add this. Before blowing them off which means telling them adios, discarding their phone numbers and never calling them again, I say, something like "no thanks I have plenty of friends". In your case, she sounds ambivalent and I would say something like "I get the sense that you do not know what you want. I have enough friends for now thank you but if you decide you want to date, give me a call and I might consider it."


I know that sounds harsh but I have had enough of my time and hard earned money wasted so I do not allow for slack or ambivalence of any kind.
- July 9th, 2008, 01:48 pm
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acemd, wrote :

HI All, I recently met a woman (outside of EH) and things were seeming to progress. From the beginning she was shy (wouldn't kiss me) and later she was aggressive (wanted to cuddle, kiss, etc.) seemingly at random. I briefly continued to "pursue" her, but then she told me that she wants to be friends first...I told her OK, I don't have a problem with that. Although, this has probably been discussed elsewhere, I have to ask the question. When a woman says she wants to be "friends," is she really telling me to pursue her more aggressively? Is she saying that I'm into you, but uncertain? Is she saying, if you pursue anyone else, I'll be angry? What in the world would make a woman "think twice" about certain feelings/actions? I would appreciate everyone's input and experiences. Thanks.
Wow! She's all over the map . . .the left side of your brain must be having a field day with this! Look, these are definite mixed signals, there's no mistaking them. So, I'd take her at her word from day to dayand not read anything into it. She says she wants to be "friends", then be just that. Tomorrow, she'll want you to meet her family, get married and have several adorable children . . . the next day she'll just want to have coffee with you. Give her some rope and let her run it out. She's dazed and confused.


I think she's scaring herself because she may very well have some deep feelings for youshe can't work out inside herself just yet; thus the"Stop, Change, Start" thing. If you can handle the shifts in decisions from her, she may calm down eventually, but if it continues, it might get too stressful for you and that's, of course your call.
- July 9th, 2008, 03:23 pm
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mbangel mbangel is offline
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acemd, wrote :

HI All, I recently met a woman (outside of EH) and things were seeming to progress. From the beginning she was shy (wouldn't kiss me) and later she was aggressive (wanted to cuddle, kiss, etc.) seemingly at random. I briefly continued to "pursue" her, but then she told me that she wants to be friends first...I told her OK, I don't have a problem with that. Although, this has probably been discussed elsewhere, I have to ask the question. When a woman says she wants to be "friends," is she really telling me to pursue her more aggressively? Is she saying that I'm into you, but uncertain? Is she saying, if you pursue anyone else, I'll be angry? What in the world would make a woman "think twice" about certain feelings/actions? I would appreciate everyone's input and experiences. Thanks.
It seems to me that if a woman asks to be friends after getting aggressive romantically. Something turned her off. Move on or ask her directly why the sudden change.
- July 9th, 2008, 07:23 pm
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NJR75 wrote :

Well, every time I get mixed signals I like to handle it the same way. Distance. I just move on immediately following any "I am so confused" comments by a girl and let her figure it out on her own. If I've got my mind made up and she's stumbling around she will either take that time and find out that I really am not what she wants, or she will realize that I am what she wants.


Either way I'm out living my life without worry and when she comes around either way then she'll let me know (or say nothing... which means she's not interested).


This was doubly true for eHarmony matches. You don't know how you feel? Well, I have 25 other girls in guided communication... give me a call when you figure it out.


I feel like trying to force your way in makes you look desperate and desperation is not attractive to women. Plus, if she does decide she wants to be with you and you want to come off as sentimental and understanding... just say you realized her problem and decided that she deserved the respect of space and time to make the proper decision on her own... because your mind was made up from the moment you first met... awwwwww


Or you could tell her the truth and say that you've been chatting up a bunch of other dames online and forgot that she was so conflicted, but will gladly give her another chance.

Holy negativity batman! Effort is not desparation and it is what most men are lacking these days. You will only attract jerks by being a jerk, by being sincere and sweet you will meet just that. The problem is most men put that effort into the jerky women who are materialistic andshallow but pleasing to the eye and then they are disappointed when they don't care for your kindness.


ok, i'm done with my words of wisdom. I am not looking for any jerks, I appreciate thoughfulness and I am attractive, sexy, cute and as real as they come.


- July 9th, 2008, 07:26 pm
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I think I am currently sending mixed signals, please don't hate me. What happened to me is the guy was WAY too intense.. talking about me moving, marriage, merging bank accounts (he claims he is teasing) on and on. He seems to have many great qualities, but, I would just like to get to know him first, before I hear any of that kind of talk.


I now find myself flip flopping some, not wanting to give up on a possibly good man, but wanting him to understand, I am not as serious about him as he is about me, not yet. I have plainly said those words as well. I seriously don't know whether to just move on, or to continue trying to work it out, but in the meantime, I KNOW I am sending mixed messages.
- July 9th, 2008, 07:29 pm
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cwmercygiver cwmercygiver is offline
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I try to get to know some one on a friend level for a certain amount of time before going to the romantic level. This allows for one to get to see the other person in different types of situations and settings and to get to to know the ins and outs of the person. I think this is just being smart. From experience any guy that I rushed into the romantic with I found out things about later that didn't go along with the type of things I am looking for in the man I want to marry and then hada hard time getting out of therelationshipgracefully.


Also Ithink people should have a certain amount of in person dates, outings etc before getting serious.
- July 9th, 2008, 07:31 pm
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dance2222 dance2222 is offline
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NJR75 wrote :

Well, every time I get mixed signals I like to handle it the same way. Distance. I just move on immediately following any "I am so confused" comments by a girl and let her figure it out on her own. If I've got my mind made up and she's stumbling around she will either take that time and find out that I really am not what she wants, or she will realize that I am what she wants.


Either way I'm out living my life without worry and when she comes around either way then she'll let me know (or say nothing... which means she's not interested).


This was doubly true for eHarmony matches. You don't know how you feel? Well, I have 25 other girls in guided communication... give me a call when you figure it out.


I feel like trying to force your way in makes you look desperate and desperation is not attractive to women. Plus, if she does decide she wants to be with you and you want to come off as sentimental and understanding... just say you realized her problem and decided that she deserved the respect of space and time to make the proper decision on her own... because your mind was made up from the moment you first met... awwwwww


Or you could tell her the truth and say that you've been chatting up a bunch of other dames online and forgot that she was so conflicted, but will gladly give her another chance.

You know I would like to ask this question, why oh why would any decent man expect to get sex on a 2nd date? This to me is just wrong, granted eventually when two people have been dating and knowing each other that would come into play, but what is up with a grown man expecting it right off. I want a mans opinion on this subject...please
- July 9th, 2008, 07:31 pm
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DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
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Mixed feelings tells me that the woman thinksI am persuing her too much or too fast. She is the one backing off no?
- July 9th, 2008, 07:33 pm
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ktsanfran ktsanfran is offline
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Blacksmith wrote :

I think a better question is, and of course this isn't the first time this has been asked:


Why is it that many women send mixed signals in the first place?
I can tell you what happened with me. I met a guy and he seemed to really like me upfront. he was talking about long distance vacations right away and inviting me to expensive spa treatments. I was flattered... but he had an out of town thing and was busy and unavailable the following weekend, both weekends said he was with his adult daughter, who lives in chicago. the first weekend he said he flew there. the second weekend he said she was visiting here. something was not right. i said i wanted to be friends because my gut told me to be careful and basically i just chickened out.
- July 9th, 2008, 07:34 pm
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