kem19867 is offline kem19867 Post #1  October 13,2011, 7:33pm
kem19867's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2011

Posts: 1

See profile

In mid July, I met a really great guy though EH. A few emails, and then numbers were exchanged. We got into the habit of texting each other for hours on end every day, just chatting and getting to know each other.

After two weeks of almost constant text messaging, he asked me out for our first date. We went to dinner and things seemed to go really well. I was pretty excited to wake up the next morning to see that he'd already texted me so quickly after our first date.

We've been out two more times since then and both dates went very well.

However, things have started to feel a little strange within the last month or so. It's becoming more and more difficult to make plans with him or even get him to text me back. He's said from day one that he's a busy guy who works two fairly demanding jobs.

Recently, we had the "where do we go next" talk, and he said that while he does like me, he just isn't ready yet because he has so much going on and doesn't particularly like where his life is at the moment.

My question is, does this sound legitimate, or is this his way of politely blowing me off?

I really like this guy, and feel like we've really clicked, but I also feel like I'm being blown off.

I thank anyone who responds in advance!
 
  Reply With Quote
suzyque is online now suzyque Post #2  October 13,2011, 7:45pm
suzyque's Avatar

.

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Minnesota

Posts: 1,148

See profile

While it could very well be true that he doesn't like where his life is at the moment...I also think this is his way of letting you off gently. He probably likes you but doesn't feel the relationship has long term potential. 2-3 months is usually the time frame when people make the decision to take a relationship to the next level. I'm sorry for you, I've been there too!
 
  Reply With Quote
savman is offline savman Post #3  October 13,2011, 7:50pm
savman's Avatar

is back in the game

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2010

Blissville

Posts: 2,779

See profile

It could also be that you have bumped up the level of seriousness farther than he is comfortable with. That is really just a guess because we don't know much, but that can cause what you have explained.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #4  October 13,2011, 9:47pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,640

See profile

I agree it could have gone to fast and gotten to serious or his liking....

But...

I hink this is more of a blow off and that he isn't all that ntereted in you as you are to him and it's likely you aren't the only one he is dating.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  October 13,2011, 10:53pm
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

You have had 3 dates -- that seems a bit early for a "where are we going" talk, to me. Even though you spent a lot of time texting before that, and it's been a few months. It's still only 3 dates. That's enough time to rule someone out, but not enough to rule someone in.

Maybe just keep dating him and try not to need to pin it down yet? From what he said, I think either he is blowing you off, or, more likely, he just isn't ready to commit yet.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #6  October 13,2011, 11:00pm
Harryoss's Avatar

chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Los Angeles, CA (SF Valley)

Posts: 1,176

See profile

nvm
 
  Reply With Quote
BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #7  October 14,2011, 2:31am
BikerBeagle's Avatar

thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

Kansas

Posts: 2,548

See profile

kem19867 wrote :
In mid July, I met a really great guy though EH.

After two weeks of almost constant text messaging, he asked me out for our first date. We went to dinner

We've been out two more times since then and both dates went very well.
Did I read that right? ...3 dates in 3 months?

kem19867 wrote :
Recently, we had the "where do we go next" talk, and he said that while he does like me, he just isn't ready yet because he has so much going on and doesn't particularly like where his life is at the moment.
blah blah blah ...yadda yadda yadda ...he's just not that into you.

kem19867 wrote :
My question is, does this sound legitimate, or is this his way of politely blowing me off?
Legitimate ...blowing you off ...either way, same outcome for you ...what does it matter?

My overall take here is that, with only 3 dates in 3 months, you should've seen this coming a mile away. I honestly have no idea what you are 'incredibly confused' about.
 
  Reply With Quote
Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #8  October 14,2011, 3:39am
Ephemera's Avatar

is watching the little sleeping mousies.

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,158

See profile

Did you bring up the 'where is this thing going' talk or did he? If you did then it seems likely that you pushed long before it was appropriate and he is processing that. If he brought it up and then created the space then he's saying good-bye. Three dates is so far from any kind of serious 'what is this' talk that just about anyone would wonder what was up if that was presented. If you are the one that brought it up then all I can offer is: live and learn. And these kind of talks are vastly over-rated in my mind. If you are truely into someone and they are also into you then you will both know it. No talk about 'us' necessary.
 
  Reply With Quote
Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  October 14,2011, 4:20am
Alli824's Avatar

thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2007

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1,263

See profile

I am an advocate of keeping things light. I've found once that talk is initiated by the female the guy tends to take flight. Actions speak louder than words, so if this busy guy who was texting you constantly before suddenly doesn't have time, you have your answer. Keep him as an option and look elsewhere.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 14,2011, 4:38am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

He is not interested.

FWIW. Unless there is a long distance involved you should be planning your first date within a week of getting to Open Communication (e-mail). Then if things move beyond just a first date you should be having the second date within a week of the first one. By the time I have been dating someone for a month I expect to be seeing them more than once a week. By the time I have been dating someone for 3 months I expect to be seeing them 3 or more times a week.

This whole "I have a busy life" thing is a bunch of bull crumble. You make time for what is important to you. If the guy is making the time for work and can't find any time for you then you know where his priorities are.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« When is the best time to bring up needing to take things slow? | Dating | Talks about Sex ... A LOT ... red flag?! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Confused and conflicted people: anyone have good stories about things turning out ok in the end? margaret18 Dating 19 July 28,2010 4:25pm
soooo confused... bekka74 Relationships 5 July 25,2010 5:10am
so confused ....want to hear a good advice fmss Ask a Dating Expert 5 May 20,2010 9:46am
He left, I'm confused, just need some people to tell me it's ok. krystal101 Relationships 24 December 3,2009 8:18pm
So confused. Did I move too soon? Is there hope? Threeshadesofconfused Ask a Dating Expert 6 November 20,2009 1:58pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 8:53am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0