Psychology of Online Dating?


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walkonwaterjoseph is offline walkonwaterjoseph Post #1  October 10,2011, 5:35pm
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  October 10,2011, 5:48pm
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The point of dating (at least for me, anyway) is to find someone special to date - not to just keep looking for that "next best thing". So, if I met a guy who after 2-3 dates I thought could be "someone special", I would have no problem dating him exclusively. At that point, I probably would not talk to him about that. But, after a few more dates, that would become a dealbreaker to me to know that he was not interested in doing the same.

I have no idea what you mean by the following statement:
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I've begun thinking though that this doesn't always have the effect I desire as it doesn't add to a woman's concern that I may as well be dating others, which may prompt her to more quickly desire exclusivity.
Can you clarify?
 
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Mike74 is offline Mike74 Post #3  October 10,2011, 5:49pm
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I agree with your approach, and prefer to follow a similar approach myself. I typcially hide my profile or turn off matching, and stop checking the sites. Given how time-consuming it is to create an online profile (especially eHarmony), I would not permanently disable an online profile until the woman and I had specifically discussed exclusivity, and agreed that we would each disable our profiles. This is a pragmatic approach, and I'm not sure how psychology plays into the equation at all.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  October 10,2011, 5:50pm
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I think that you are over analyzing this and you are also assuming facts not in evidence (as Perry Mason would say).

Until you have BOTH decided that you want to be exclusive with each other you should assume that your match is talking to and / or dating others and your match should assume that you are doing the same.

Your procedure to turn off matching after you have decided that you would like to focus on one particular match is the proper way to do things IMO. I do the same thing (well did it once and got burned). I do go a little farther in than 3 dates but I guess that would depend on the person and situation.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #5  October 10,2011, 5:59pm
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I don't have a lot of time for dating, so I'm not a big fan of dating several people at one time. I only have 1-2 nights per week for dates, so if I'm dating 2-3 guys, I could lose a "keeper" by only appearing available once every week or two.

However, I never make the assumption that I'm dating a man exclusively without specifically talking about it with him.

Good luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 10,2011, 5:59pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
The point of dating (at least for me, anyway) is to find someone special to date - not to just keep looking for that "next best thing". So, if I met a guy who after 2-3 dates I thought could be "someone special", I would have no problem dating him exclusively. At that point, I probably would not talk to him about that. But, after a few more dates, that would become a deal breaker to me to know that he was not interested in doing the same.
If you are not going to discuss your desire to be exclusive with your match / date how the devil is he going to know that you want to be exclusive and that he is making you mad by not dating you exclusively

I have no idea what you mean by the following statement:

Can you clarify?
 
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savman is offline savman Post #7  October 10,2011, 6:03pm
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I go about it pretty much the same way as you do OP. If I ask a girl out a second time, or accept a second date request, I no longer ask anyone else out. This might be even more extreme than you.

After about 3 dates, where I wish to continue, I will hide/disable my profile. If she was still looking (dating) very long after that it would be a red flag to me that we are in different places and want different things.

It does not necessarily make her wrong, it just makes her enough different that my interest would definitely go down. Especially if sex has already happened, since I basically equate sex with exclusivity. And yes, I know some will say, "if you equate the two then you should have the talk before hand." In theory this is true, but sometimes things end up going faster than you would have guessed, and the time for that talk is not the best.
 
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walkonwaterjoseph is offline walkonwaterjoseph Post #8  October 10,2011, 6:04pm
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #9  October 10,2011, 6:04pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If you are not going to discuss your desire to be exclusive with your match / date how the devil is he going to know that you want to be exclusive and that he is making you mad by not dating you exclusively
Perhaps my post was not clear.

If I decided after seeing a guy 2-3 times that *I* didn't want to see anyone else, I don't see any reason to bring that up with him right then. It seems way too soon, and could freak him out if he's not quite "there" yet.

However, if, after a few more dates, I wasn't sure if he was still interested in seeing other people, then I would talk to him about it. And, if his answer was "Sure, I think we should both keep dating around", that's when it would become a dealbreaker for me, and I would wish him well on these "other people" he was dating.

I said I would probably not talk about it "right then". I didn't mean "ever".
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 10,2011, 6:08pm
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treatmesweetly wrote :
I don't have a lot of time for dating, so I'm not a big fan of dating several people at one time. I only have 1-2 nights per week for dates, so if I'm dating 2-3 guys, I could lose a "keeper" by only appearing available once every week or two.

However, I never make the assumption that I'm dating a man exclusively without specifically talking about it with him.

Good luck!
By the same token you could lose a "keeper" because you were not going to even consider him because you were dating someone else who you threw back a couple of weeks later.
 
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