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psgcooldog is online now psgcooldog Post #21  October 10,2011, 10:15am
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KikiAZ wrote :
I agree. I don't think he played her and he may have even been genuinely surprised at his own reaction. I, at least, will cop to sometimes thinking I am "over" something until "surprise!" not so much.

That said, I think almost no one is ready for a true LTR with the first person out of the box...especially when the relationship ended as here. I DO think it is common for those of us to WANT it to work....

Not sure of the ages of the kids or the circs....but that seems early to be meeting.
On the "wanting it to work" ---- yes, I know in my case that my first relationship should never have lasted as long as it did. But I was trying very hard to make it work, because I really, really, really wanted it to.

Since then I've learned to stop if something is clearly without a future --- even though I still have a strong desire for good permanent relationship. In fact, I think learning when to give up is probably a factor in eventually finding that.

As to meeting kids early, I'm actually a believer in that. Me ... my life ... it's all a package. At ten, my son understands what dating is for, and he's able to enjoy meeting people without being somehow damaged if they (or I) move on.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #22  October 10,2011, 3:15pm
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psgcooldog wrote :
As to meeting kids early, I'm actually a believer in that. Me ... my life ... it's all a package. At ten, my son understands what dating is for, and he's able to enjoy meeting people without being somehow damaged if they (or I) move on.
Before the divorce is final??
 
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psgcooldog is online now psgcooldog Post #23  October 10,2011, 3:35pm
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KikiAZ wrote :
Before the divorce is final??
That depends very much on the situation, but recent experience make me somewhat shy of that situation anyway.

Too much drama.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #24  October 10,2011, 5:41pm
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harnomygirl wrote :
You should be satisfied with the knowledge that, even if he never sees you again, you have made it more likely that he will be capable of building a relationship with the woman he sleeps with after the divorce is final..
Oh really?!?!?! Wow.

No thanks. My job is not to make a guy more confident and ready for a relationship with the next woman.

I have a lot better things to do with my time, body and emotions than that.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #25  October 10,2011, 5:47pm
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psgcooldog wrote :
Did any of you stop to consider that this fellow may be completely honest and aboveboard, and really and truly uncertain and struggling?
Believe me, I've run into many more than my fair share of "confused" men. You know what? "Confused" men (and I'm sure women, too), suck.

I don't care if they are honest and above board in their confusion. It still sucks to be on the other end of their "uncertainty and struggling."

I want a man who is over his ex-es, knows what he wants, and knows it's me. I offer no less in return to the right man.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #26  October 10,2011, 6:00pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Believe me, I've run into many more than my fair share of "confused" men. You know what? "Confused" men (and I'm sure women, too), suck.

I don't care if they are honest and above board in their confusion. It still sucks to be on the other end of their "uncertainty and struggling."

I want a man who is over his ex-es, knows what he wants, and knows it's me. I offer no less in return to the right man.
Me too. But, I believe that most people are basically good people, who sometimes make bad decisions, or think they are ready for things they are not really ready for, or who thought they could keep things more "casual", but then develop feelings they weren't prepared to have...

Sure, there are some players in this world, and for anyone with a modicum of common sense, they're pretty easy to spot. I really don't think that most of the people out there are "playing some agenda". They're just normal people, trying to date, just like the rest of us.
 
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sweetpea7 is offline sweetpea7 Post #27  October 10,2011, 6:10pm
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It seems to me that he was surprised about his reaction also. It is very likely that he thought he was ready, and then it was much more of an emotional experience than he thought it would be. And if that is the case, he did the proper thing, he created distance until he could figure it all out himself.

I'd like to belive that Savman's perspective above is what actually occurred with us. I don't think he had any ulterior motives about getting me to go to bed with him. I honestly feel it was all in the moment, and neither of us stopped to think about what was happening, until after it was all over.

I have asked him to call me (not text), and he has said he would. I expect that phone call to come tomorrow evening.

Just for clarification, he has not said anything about "being friends". Not to say it won't come up in tomorrow's phone conversation.

Thanks, also to Cooldog. I certainly appreciate the male perspective on this one.

I very much appreciate everyone's input on this.

Sweetpea
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #28  October 10,2011, 6:15pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
Me too. But, I believe that most people are basically good people, who sometimes make bad decisions, or think they are ready for things they are not really ready for, or who thought they could keep things more "casual", but then develop feelings they weren't prepared to have...

Sure, there are some players in this world, and for anyone with a modicum of common sense, they're pretty easy to spot. I really don't think that most of the people out there are "playing some agenda". They're just normal people, trying to date, just like the rest of us.
I'm not saying these guys are "bad people" or "players." Just flat out that "confused" people suck. I don't want to date them. I weed them out as best as I can (no separated guys, preferably guys who have been divorced at least a year), but I still manage to run into plenty of them.

My profile is quite clear that I'm not looking for "casual" dating. I have rarely run into anyone I'd consider a player (in 9 years post-divorce I've only run into 2, and they didn't get more than one date with me). But I have run into plenty of "confused" men. And it's sure funny how they suddenly get "confused" after they sleep with you.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #29  October 10,2011, 6:20pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I'm not saying these guys are "bad people" or "players." Just flat out that "confused" people suck. I don't want to date them. I weed them out as best as I can (no separated guys, preferably guys who have been divorced at least a year), but I still manage to run into plenty of them.

My profile is quite clear that I'm not looking for "casual" dating. I have rarely run into anyone I'd consider a player (in 9 years post-divorce I've only run into 2, and they didn't get more than one date with me). But I have run into plenty of "confused" men. And it's sure funny how they suddenly get "confused" after they sleep with you.
And people wonder how some of us can be so naive as to want to hold off a while on getting horizontal...
 
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sweetpea7 is offline sweetpea7 Post #30  October 10,2011, 7:01pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
Me too. But, I believe that most people are basically good people, who sometimes make bad decisions, or think they are ready for things they are not really ready for, or who thought they could keep things more "casual", but then develop feelings they weren't prepared to have...

Sure, there are some players in this world, and for anyone with a modicum of common sense, they're pretty easy to spot. I really don't think that most of the people out there are "playing some agenda". They're just normal people, trying to date, just like the rest of us.

I have to agree with Mitchell, that most of us are basically good people. I simply couldn't go through life believing otherwise. However, sometimes we find ourselves in situations we did not anticipate, and unsure of how to navigate through.
 
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