Breaking your biggest "rules" = SETTLING?!


View Poll Results: breaking your "rule" to date someone = settling?
Yes - Deep down you know this is not what you want. 7 46.67%
No - He has manyother qualities to make up for it. 7 46.67%
Yes - But go for it anyway!! 1 6.67%
Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #31  October 11,2011, 11:56am
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realisticgirl wrote :
The "things" in a dating relationship that bother us when we are dating WILL BECOME the "things" we fight about when we are married. They don't go away with time..just get bigger. If you are dating a person who is whitewashing the truth with white lies, and you know it and accept those white lies, then you are telling that person "it is okay for you to be deceitful" and it can escalate until you will not recognize the truth when you see it. It can be cigarettes, money, anything. Don't settle for deceitfulness. As Annie Lenox says.."it is a dark road."
He actually didn't lie about smoking. I just forgot to look on his profile, as he contacted me and I stated NO WAY for smoking... and just didn't even look. After our first date, noticed that he was a smoker... not noticeable in a huge way, but could subtly smell it (I have a sensitive nose for smoke). He said on our third date that he does not smoke often... and never lied about smoking, I just overlooked that one thing until it was too late and I had slightly fallen for him... or at least still on the verge of falling.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #32  October 11,2011, 4:05pm
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I never broke any rules about the girls I dated... yet, everyone settles in who they marry, therefore I did too.

The circular logic is befuddling!!!
 
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eDisharmony is offline eDisharmony Post #33  October 11,2011, 5:17pm
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Would you date Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, or Leonardo DiCaprio...speaking of 'occasional' smokers?

I think it's a very situational dealbreaker specific to that individual person...it's not like having HIV or something. If you're kinda meh about someone, then maybe it makes the 'no' decision easier. But if you like someone, it is not like no one has ever quit smoking, or that many smokers don't want to quit at some point.

Then again, I'm a smoker, so I'm a bit biased. I prefer to date other smokers to avoid this very issue, but sometimes you click with someone who has this a dealbreaker or two and you put it aside because you like the rest of them.

I think it boils down to how much you really can't stand smoking, how much he is smoking, and how much you like the rest of him. I don't think basing this on, "oh she said it was a dealbreaker, therefore it's settling hurr hurr durr" is terribly high-level thinking.
 
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treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #34  October 11,2011, 5:28pm
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It depends upon the "rule". I had a rule* not to date anyone who had not graduated from college. However, 20 years after graduating from college, I've broken that rule a couple times, with pleasant results.

* I made this rule shortly after graduating college... and a series of bad dates with bitter guys who had lost out on job opportunities to college graduates. They didn't care why college was such an amazing experience for me. It didn't matter. That bleepin' piece of paper didn't matter. [Dude, it wasn't about the piece of paper.]

Anyway, I also have a rule about not dating married/separated men. I'm still a firm believer that dating married people cannot lead to anything good. That rule is a deal-breaker.

Some rules are temporary and others are permanent... it's important to know which rules are deal-breakers for you.

Good luck!
 
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