Is debt a deal breaker for you?

My total knee-jerk reaction is to run away and hide. I guess for me it's the paranoia of having to go through climbing out of debt again and I'm looking for someone who has already kinda made that journey. I don't judge people because that would make me a hypocrite. But I mean thinking long term, if you end up marrying somebody (and that's the eventual point of this right?) you pretty much assimilate all of their debts.

Personally, I think you are making a mistake in your logic - "debt" and "credit" are two different things, but you seem to have managed to confuse them and treat *any* amount of "owing money" as a negative. This is not going to bode well for your dating future, I'm guessing, as it would seem you may have a real hard time looking at someone and not seeing "$$$".

I would consider "financial responsibility" a dealbreaker, sure ...I may even consider "debt" (as in excessive, irresponsible use of multiple credit cards, etc) a dealbreaker ...but I wouldn't consider their credit score a dealbreaker necessarily.

On a side note, one thing you definitely need to do is some research on the way credit works ...going multiple years without good, responsible use of credit (no car payment, no credit card, etc) is not helping you in any way, shape, or form. Credit is the American Dream and you pretty much *have* to have it (and use it responsibly) because, in reality, there is one thing just as bad as "bad credit" and that's "no credit".

A bad credit score would not bode well if I were considering marriage, as this might directly impact me... but you're not likely to find out someone's credit score on a first date...

This a very good question and you are wise to consider the "financial health" of anyone you are seeking to make your life partner. It depends on a few factors imho.

First, debt is more than an burden/obligation, it is a reflection of a person's character and overall responsibility in life. This is what I'd be looking at more than the actual debt. I'd be looking to see if this person has the commitment you had to rectify their situation o r are they of a nature where this will be a repeating scenario, a cycle of irresponsible spending followed by overwhelming debt.

If you are convinced that this is not the person's nature overall and you see a genuine intent to better their financial health, then concern yourself with is the time it will take for them to do that, the length of time required to say work a second job in order to become debt free. I have known two couple where the wedding was postponed until one overcame a debt obligation by working a 2nd job. Both couples are now married and doing fine, in both cases student loans were the issue.

So, at thirty years old, I would preceed with caution on this one, keep your eyes and ears open during those first dozen or so dates. Once a discussion of exclusivity arises, it would not be unreasonable for you to start asking questions prefaced by the statement that you are seeking to get married and the fiancial situation of both individuals therefore matters. At your age, if a person was not willing to discuss this and be honest about finaces and debt, that would, for me, be a deal breaker. But you will collect a lot of information through observaton in the those first few months, of her spending habits on both large and small ticket items, affinity for brand labels etc.

I agree with your approach. Financial responsibility is a significant point of compatibility for me, and the lack thereof in a partner is a major dealbreaker. I'm mostly concerned with a woman's abilitiy to live within her means -- the existence of debt wouldn't concern me as much as the lack of a reasonable means to satisfy the debt. Debt significantly out of proportion with her earning ability, or debt incurred for frivolous reasons would be an issue for me.